‘Big’ Bill, as we knew him, was three years ahead of me at school. He was good at sports, drove his father’s Fiat, always had a girl on his arm. Looking back, I suppose I was a big jealous of him and his success. He wasn’t the stereotype, mind you. But I feel like I’ve exaggerated his coolness towards the underclassmen after all these years.
Anyway, one cold winter morning, I caught sight of Big Bill in the parking lot of the school. There was one spot in the shadow of the gymnasium that he favoured, and he was sitting on the boot of the car, at work on something.
It would have been the random flotsam and jetsam of the day, except I twigged that I’d dropped my lunch back at the bus stop. I wasted no time hurrying back to fetch it. On my return, I saw a scrap of paper in a wad by the concrete waste bin. I picked it up unthinkingly.
It was an envelope, with Bill’s name on the address and the local university’s name on the return. It was a small envelope, the kind that can’t hold more that a short letter.
I looked up to meet Bill’s eyes. He’d come up to me unaware. ‘Big Bill,’ I said, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You shut your mouth,’ Bill said, snatching the envelope away and stuffing it into the waste bin. ‘You shut your big mouth, you hear? You don’t know nothin’.’
‘Big Bill,’ I said, ‘Wrecked on a planet of nightmares.’
We both lowered our eyes in shame and hurried off to our respective classes.
Today, it’s ‘White Sale Bill’, owner of a local chain of appliance sales and service stores. There’s talk Bill make seek election to the city council here soon. Bill’s friends? I saw one with a freshly-Botoxed face and a trophy husband at the Galway Races this year. And me? Why, I’m writing ridiculous fan fiction about the worst sci-fi fantasy covers semi-anonymously on the Internet.
@GSS x-n and @Bruce: snicker… we need to add this one to the list of reading materials for “Gonna read this on public transit in my toque and socks’n’sandals” Day. Get some serious side-eye fer sure! Still not sure what day of the year that should be? Cool enough to wear a toque, but warm enough for it to be somewhat out of place… and pushed well past questionable fashion sense with the mismatched chunky jewelry.
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December 22nd, 2016 at 1:48 pm
We have life drawing, one point perspective, color wash, and a shaded sphere. Looks like year one in art school.
December 22nd, 2016 at 1:54 pm
Guitar Hero got a lot more baroque after I stopped playing.
December 22nd, 2016 at 2:07 pm
I can get behind the concept of She Hulk as Thor.
December 22nd, 2016 at 2:12 pm
MEMO
From: Ace Marketing Department
To: Ace Art Department
Paperback sales are down this quarter. Start putting more ass on the covers.
December 22nd, 2016 at 2:58 pm
The end of the Star Trek credits from a different perspective? You know what Gene was like.
December 22nd, 2016 at 3:07 pm
‘Big’ Bill, as we knew him, was three years ahead of me at school. He was good at sports, drove his father’s Fiat, always had a girl on his arm. Looking back, I suppose I was a big jealous of him and his success. He wasn’t the stereotype, mind you. But I feel like I’ve exaggerated his coolness towards the underclassmen after all these years.
Anyway, one cold winter morning, I caught sight of Big Bill in the parking lot of the school. There was one spot in the shadow of the gymnasium that he favoured, and he was sitting on the boot of the car, at work on something.
It would have been the random flotsam and jetsam of the day, except I twigged that I’d dropped my lunch back at the bus stop. I wasted no time hurrying back to fetch it. On my return, I saw a scrap of paper in a wad by the concrete waste bin. I picked it up unthinkingly.
It was an envelope, with Bill’s name on the address and the local university’s name on the return. It was a small envelope, the kind that can’t hold more that a short letter.
I looked up to meet Bill’s eyes. He’d come up to me unaware. ‘Big Bill,’ I said, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You shut your mouth,’ Bill said, snatching the envelope away and stuffing it into the waste bin. ‘You shut your big mouth, you hear? You don’t know nothin’.’
‘Big Bill,’ I said, ‘Wrecked on a planet of nightmares.’
We both lowered our eyes in shame and hurried off to our respective classes.
Today, it’s ‘White Sale Bill’, owner of a local chain of appliance sales and service stores. There’s talk Bill make seek election to the city council here soon. Bill’s friends? I saw one with a freshly-Botoxed face and a trophy husband at the Galway Races this year. And me? Why, I’m writing ridiculous fan fiction about the worst sci-fi fantasy covers semi-anonymously on the Internet.
December 22nd, 2016 at 3:09 pm
@TW: I can think of two reasons we might want the ‘moon’ tag. 😉
December 22nd, 2016 at 3:22 pm
Always obey the intergalactic crossing guard or you will end up wrecked, on a planet of nightmares.
December 22nd, 2016 at 3:29 pm
Is this semaphore adaptation of Dune?
Reference for the younger crowd:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91_jymgH8QY
December 22nd, 2016 at 5:34 pm
Every year, there’s another attempt to “modernize” Wagner’s tedious, pompous, overlong operas…
December 22nd, 2016 at 11:14 pm
@TW: why the ‘perspective problems’ tag? She seems to be waltzing along on four beams with a common vanishing point.
If anything, this cover shows the need for a ‘lady in green’ or ‘Jennifer Walters’ tag.
December 23rd, 2016 at 1:06 am
Definitely needs a moon tag. Also something about the excessive green.
Are the nightmares about constant nekkid interpretive dance? If that’s the whole planet, at least the tag line is correct. Shudder.
December 23rd, 2016 at 2:59 am
Everyone’s howling at the moon here. Tag updated.
@DSWBT – I wanted to add a “perspective” tag but all we had available was “perspective problems.”
December 23rd, 2016 at 5:14 am
@TW: well, I would say that it looks like a stringed instrument in planar view, but I wouldn’t say you’re making the cover a lyre. 😉
December 23rd, 2016 at 10:55 pm
@A.R. Yngve: Well, if the aliens can do Shakespeare, than moving on to the Ring Cycle was somewhat inevitable.
December 25th, 2016 at 1:12 pm
The cover painting is undoubtedly by Davis Meltzer, one of the regular artists for Ace in the early ’70s.
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/the_fabulous_sci_fi_surrealist_book_covers_of_davis_meltzer
http://gizmodo.com/the-forgotten-space-artist-who-envisioned-the-end-of-th-1668805954
January 17th, 2017 at 2:16 pm
If Tom Hering says undoubtedly, then undoubtedly it is. Artist tag updated.
July 20th, 2021 at 7:08 pm
The German edition was titled
“Der Große Viking Badünkadünk”.
August 16th, 2023 at 3:35 am
@GSS ex-noob: she turns around and she’s _all teeth_ in front.
August 16th, 2023 at 8:51 pm
@Bruce: So this IS her best side.
August 17th, 2023 at 12:57 am
@GSS x-n and @Bruce: snicker… we need to add this one to the list of reading materials for “Gonna read this on public transit in my toque and socks’n’sandals” Day. Get some serious side-eye fer sure! Still not sure what day of the year that should be? Cool enough to wear a toque, but warm enough for it to be somewhat out of place… and pushed well past questionable fashion sense with the mismatched chunky jewelry.