Jul 01
Don Comments: OK, we’ve seen tons of perms and oodles of mullets on these covers – but I do believe this is the first permed mullet. (Pullet?) Assuming that’s the eponymous Bard whose Tale this is, he’s apparently not the brightest light in the harbor, since he a) agreed to accompany his hairdresser on a thieving expedition from an albino lizard-man (do such things EVER end well?) and b) misunderstood her when she said she wanted him along to carry the loot.
Published 1993
Many thanks to the Don!
July 1st, 2010 at 9:40 am
Isn’t that Michael Bolton before he cut his hair?
July 1st, 2010 at 9:55 am
Would a bard take his guitar with him when thieving?
It would seem to be an unnecessary emcumberance.
July 1st, 2010 at 9:58 am
Cowabunga! What’s Master Splinter doing with all that treasure??
July 1st, 2010 at 10:02 am
>>Psst, it’s not his birthday yet …. three, two … <<
But the cuttlery seems a little oversized for any kind of cake.
July 1st, 2010 at 10:17 am
The bard has two weapons: Sword and his instrument :)) The instrument is crucial, especially when one needs to be quiet.
July 1st, 2010 at 11:10 am
Creature: Hold on while I get a few coins. Wait a minute, you aren’t charity collectors at all… you’re musicians!
July 1st, 2010 at 11:47 am
Maybe they’re operating by the mariachi principle. They go door-to-door and play until someone pays them to leave.
And, like any starving artists, they are shocked and awed by the presence of actual money.
July 1st, 2010 at 12:22 pm
The fortress was a cross between frost and fire… you know like luke-warm water.
July 1st, 2010 at 2:56 pm
“I’ll stab him, you go Michael Bolton on his ass.”
July 1st, 2010 at 4:34 pm
my brother TOTALLY had a permed mullet in the 80s. he also wore zubas and took breakdancing lessons. oh and wore braces. i believe thats whats known as a “hot mess.”
July 1st, 2010 at 5:28 pm
He must have a pretty low IQ if he needs to be told to shut up in the middle of a break-in.
July 1st, 2010 at 7:04 pm
I thought he was Robin Hood again, this time without hat or quiver. And she is Judith Hann. Or Brian May.
July 1st, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Send the girl with the dagger in first. You stand out here with the sword and keep an eye out. And no singing!
July 1st, 2010 at 7:39 pm
[The Bard sings]
Come hear my desperate saga
of sneaky nightly deeds
I shouldn’t have been thieving
but bards do have their needs
I met this armed maiden
With mighty raven hair
She said that I did carry
my mullet with such flair
Said she, “The albino lizard
“has plenty gold and pearls
“So let us go a-thieving
“To pay our costly curls…”
July 1st, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Bravo sir!
July 1st, 2010 at 8:40 pm
those look like world-class 1990s US soccer mullets to me. I guess the MNT needed coin for new jerseys?
July 1st, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I have this one! Almost sent it in, too, but I was afraid this would count as a franchise book. I don’t remember it too well, but I have a sinking feeling Mr. Albino Lizard is supposed to be the dragon antagonist. It’s kind of hard to see because of the shininess, but note how they felt compelled to print ‘frost’ in blue and ‘fire’ in red. (They also did this on the spine. And the back cover.) Not too bad a book, though.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:38 am
@Yagiz #5: THREE weapons. His sword, his lute and his instrument.
And his rapier wit.
FOUR weapons. His sword, his lute, his instument and his rapier wit.
And his flowing locks. FIVE weapons…
July 8th, 2010 at 3:07 am
You know, I like to keep my gold hoard right near my front door too.
August 9th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I don’t mean to judge, but I think if you’re an albino you should shy away from wearing white.
Unless you want people to think you’re a statue.
July 14th, 2012 at 1:37 am
I like the “A New Novel Of” plastered across the top. As opposed to the same old novels. Until the next one comes out, at which point it does become one of the same old novels, but still says it’s new, which just makes it silly. Especially when you end up with a shelf full of books that all say “A New Novel Of…!”, when the series ended 20 years ago, and all of them are, instead, the same old novels.
December 11th, 2014 at 12:43 pm
The dragon has a painting of an entirely different dragon…do you suppose he tries to fool visitors? ‘That’s me, back when I was eating maidens and fighting knights at Milton Keynes…put on a few pounds since then, ha ha! And my neck’s shrunk.’
September 1st, 2015 at 7:42 am
Sequels were:
FORTRESS OF FIREWORKS AND MATCHSTICKS
FORTRESS OF MUD AND FIRE HOSES
FORTRESS OF KANYE WEST AND HUMILITY
September 1st, 2015 at 4:38 pm
So Pullet Boy seems to be left handed, given the way he’s carrying the sword, but plays the lute right-handed. No wonder he’s pretty bad at both. And the scabbard is also on the wrong side. No wonder he has to be told to be quiet in the middle of a heist. This guy is a hot, or lukewarm, mess.
“Hold there, varlet, let me put down this lute, whip out my sword, transfer it to the left hand, and, oh . . . um . . . I seem to be dead.”
September 1st, 2015 at 5:04 pm
I like to think that these two geniuses are actually sneaking up on a nice piece of sculpture.
January 17th, 2017 at 9:24 pm
I’ve been trying to decide who on this cover is the stupidest. Yes, it’s Mr. Permullet, but the dragon and the chick are no brainiacs either.
January 18th, 2017 at 10:19 am
The mandolin/guitar thing looks more dangerous than the sword
July 17th, 2017 at 7:38 am
@B. Chiclitz. Pullet Boy’s scabbard is on his left, implying that he is in fact right-handed but either a.) forgot or b.) came to the same conclusion as classicOz and decided to give priority to his hybrid lute-guitar*.
*Which is actually a thing.
July 17th, 2017 at 3:03 pm
@RachelJ—maybe the lute-guitar goes in the scabbard?
By the way, @Tom Noir (25), Good Show Sir (better late than never)!
August 2nd, 2017 at 12:10 pm
No, see, there’s a Fortress of Frost, right, and there’s a fire inside of it, and Perm and her lutanist are going to take a quick peek inside while the rest of the fire brigade figure out how to keep the buckets of water from freezing when they go inside to put the fire out. This is why you have a fire plan in advance, everyone!
August 2nd, 2017 at 1:43 pm
Fire or Frost, you have the escape route. Now, no more questions. Just follow me.
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:10 am
I would like to share with the group one of my favorite buttons I’ve ever espied in decades of con-going.
“Lackey, Lackey, Lackey, get your adverbs here.”
To fully appreciate it, you have to be Of A Certain Age to have watched “Schoolhouse Rock!”*, but anyone who’s ever read her work will get the adverb reference. You take out all words ending with -ly and her novels become short stories.
*
http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3458764513820550786/
April 8th, 2022 at 3:25 pm
Emerson, Lackey & Permers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2nMFYBnPG4
April 8th, 2022 at 4:35 pm
Twelve years and nobody’s done a ‘Permafrost’ gag yet?
April 9th, 2022 at 1:55 am
12 years and that hairdon’t isn’t mentioned in the tags? Mullet, perm, Haircut 100.
@fred: GSS.