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Jul 21

I gave him the snips.. mu ha ha ha HA!Click for full image

Rod Comments: Killer crabs. Look, there’s a picture too. Surely this spares us having to read the shity thing?
Published 1978

I have a cream for that…. I’ll get my coat.
Many thanks to Rod!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.62 out of 10)
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37 Responses to “Killer Crabs”

  1. Dave Maine Says:

    I would totally read this book. KILLER CRABS–withj an enormous giant frickin’ HUUUGE crab on the cover? How could I not? How could anybody not???

    Sorry. I seem to be getting a little worked up here. It’s the killer crab, is all.

  2. Little Mi Says:

    Oh My! What big pincers you have, sir.

  3. cutmanmike Says:

    Now this isn’t too bad. The font reminds me of clockwork orange for some reason.

  4. Tommi Says:

    The only thing missing on this cover is the subline

    “FROM OUTER SPACE”

    I mean, Killer Crabs, fine but “Killer Crabs from Outer Space” … instant classic!

  5. Graff Says:

    You mean http://www.garthmarenghi.com/books/crab.htm is real?!

  6. SI Says:

    How long can crabs stay out of water anyway? Surely they would only be dangerous near large bodies of water.

    The crab has a pretty crazy Lady Macbeth stare while looking at the blood.

  7. DeadRobot Says:

    I had killer crabs once.

  8. Herm Says:

    @SI, ever heard of the annual red crab migration on Christmas Island? It’s practically a Running of the Crabs thing they’ve got going on over there. Honestly, it’s insane.

  9. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    “Myrtle could hear the infernal click-click-click of pedipalps outside on the verandah. Slowly, she slid two rounds into the shotgun, and glanced to where the butter lay within easy reach.”

  10. Geoff J Says:

    Believe it or not, but this is actually IIRC the third in a series of killer crab novels from Mr Smith

  11. SI Says:

    @Herm. Holy crap. I appologise. My crab knowledge is severely lacking! How have I never seen that before? There are some amazing videos of that crab migration.

  12. Tom Noir Says:

    When picking pseudonyms, the author was initially torn between “Guy Smith” and “Dude Johnson.”

  13. Figgly Says:

    There are tons of these crab books, they’re ace (yes I actually read some of them!) This is the cover I like best though! http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/02/ciu/39/ff/06af012912a0f0a444d3f110.L._SL500_AA300_.jpg

  14. James Lovegrove Says:

    I, too, used to love these books when I was a kid and didn’t know better (or maybe did). Doesn’t that crab seem to be going, “Yoo-hoo, over here! It’s me-ee! Remember me?”

  15. anon Says:

    @Tom Noir. How about Dude Lebowski?

  16. anne h Says:

    @SI #6,
    Actually, there are ‘giant’ land crabs, called coconut crabs.
    http://blog.sakkoo.com/content/detail_755.html
    They can get as big as 3 feet across. When a crab has pincers strong enough to open coconuts, it’s a real-life monster, in my opinion.

  17. Phil Says:

    Wait a minute. That’s just a normal-sized crab [I’m talking about the book cover, not anne h’s coconus crabs], living in its normal undersea habitat. And like many crabs, it happens to be carnivorous.

    Technically, yes, it’s a killer crab – but it’s just the size of a 50p piece and kills only plankton.

  18. anon Says:

    “That’s just a normal-sized crab”

    …and the fingers?

  19. H Says:

    ““That’s just a normal-sized crab”

    …and the fingers?”

    Some kid’s dropped Action Man, obviously.

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    KILLER GOLDFISH – Red and golden menaces attack!

    KILLER SHRIMP – Hordes of man-eating crustaceans in a cocktail of DEATH!

    KILLER SEAHORSES – They may look funny but you won’t laugh when they unleash seahorse mayhem!

  21. Mark V Thomas Says:

    Re: A.R Yngve’s last post
    You forgot the sequel to Killer Shrimp…

    KILLER SHRIMP II – Prawn of Destruction…

  22. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Good one 🙂

  23. e.lee Says:

    rofl! @ A.R Yngve and Mark V.

    Don’t forget:

    “KILLER BARNACLES!: *They* will be scraping you off!”
    “KILLER LANGOUSTINES!: Revenge of the Scampi”

  24. Phil Says:

    Fingers? Oh, is THAT what those are meant to be. I was thinking anemone!

  25. Phil Says:

    Fingers? Oh, is THAT what those are meant to be? I was thinking anemone!

  26. Arek Says:

    What if they were UNDEAD Killer Shrimp? Then we could have:

    Prawn Of The Dead!

  27. Mark V Thomas Says:

    Coming soon to a bookshop near you… ?
    Killer Shrimp IV: Attack of the 50ft Undead Shrimp…

  28. SI Says:

    Excellent fish based puns.

    Though I can still see someone off to the side saying, “Can we heat a swimming pool to boiling point? This is going to be an awesome feast!”

  29. Mark V Thomas Says:

    Re: Si’s last post…
    Coming soon to a episode of a celebrity Cook’s T.V series (Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall’s…?) near you…
    “How to cook 50ft Crabs…
    First, take your swimming pool, & fill with water (fresh, if you want to make a fish soup, otherwise why not try sea water…
    Add the homicidal sea food, (taking care not to be killed”, and insert the heating elements…”

  30. Phillip Says:

    ‘…..crabs the size of beach donkeys.’
    Poor, poor little Rodney.

  31. Stevie Says:

    This cover is amazing! Rock on!

  32. JLH Says:

    I read this as a kid when it first came out in paperback and, despite being at that “read lots and don’t pause to criticise” stage, this book broke my almost indestructible suspension of disbelief. It wasn’t helped by the most perfunctory and off-hand denouement I’d ever read up to that point. Really, if you can’t convince a wide-eyed 13 year old boy who is hoovering up all the SFF and horror he could lay hands on in the most uncritical way, you’re doing something wrong.

  33. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Tag Wizard: Another “giant enemy crab” sighting here. We’re going to need a bigger boat.

  34. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I cherish the thought that, for however short a time, George R. R. Martin planned to include a ‘House Smith’ in Game of Thrones, whose totem would be a crab.

    Ah, well.

  35. Anna T. Says:

    At least you know the cover is accurate.

  36. Tom Noir Says:

    If the title of this was KILLER CARBS it would be much more frightening.

  37. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tom: realistic, natch.

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