Nov 23

It maybe flashy, but they are the best interpretive dance group around.Click for full image

Libraryman comments: I love how it seems as if the characters are just randomly placed around this dead body. Kind of like a cluedo clue. “It was Sinbad with the scimitar in the dungeon!”
Published 1995

This cover… is perfect!
Libraryman, good show sir!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.88 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “The Stolen Throne”

  1. Weirdmage Says:

    This looks like three different illustrations cut and pasted together.
    Doesn’t look like the standing characters are even aware of each other.
    -It’s great! 😛

  2. Deborah Says:

    that looks so stagey!
    maybe the glowing blue light around the woman and the corpse means they’re just teleporting into the place (or away from it) – or maybe she’s a hologram message:
    “Help me, Gandalf-Wan and Sinbad, you are my only hopes! and can you dispose of this dead guy for me? kthxbai”

  3. SI Says:

    “Nooooo… she’s turned into a human fly zapper!! Must… touch… the… light!”

  4. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Oookay… so I’m looking at Merlin the Magician and Sinbad in a Mexican Standoff against a very short woman who’s armed with the mother of all joy-buzzers.

    Where exactly does the “Stolen Throne” enter the picture?

    Or is it a “Find the Throne” quiz:
    – It’s under her skirt!
    – No! It’s behind Merlin!
    – It’s a tiny throne hidden inside the helmet!

  5. THX 1138 Says:

    “Foolish princess! We warned you of the consequences of eating too much Ready Brek and now look!”

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “My name is Diego De Montoya. You electrocuted my father. Prepare to die.”

  7. Tom Noir Says:

    They really nailed that ‘photoshopped’ look that’s so in right now with this one! It takes a special kind of talent to make an illustration look fake.

  8. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    No, you’ve got it all wrong. The woman stole the throne out from under the collapsed fellow, and is fruitlessly protesting her innocence despite the white glowing force field around the two of them.

    This is the first of the troubles that Turtledove promises. This book was followed by “The Nicked Juicer” and “The Shoplifted Chocolate.”

  9. Simon Says:

    I think they’re playing musical statues and the music has just stopped. The guy on the floor is cheating.

  10. Justin Leego Says:

    Man, there are a lot of fingers in this illustration. Stephen Youll once again shows he is the master!

    Agree about the cut & paste possibility though, trouser fabric on Floor Man is far more detailed than on Pantomime Swashbuckler.

    Love this site. This is where I come when the rest of the internet stops making sense.

  11. Kathleen Says:

    for an “action” shot they look very immobile

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Hilarity aside, how much will a failed cover damage book sales? I mean, it’s hard to judge these matters objectively…

    …but a crude guess would be this equation:
    Number of artistic failures in cover art
    + number of words in shitty book logo
    + number of words in inept blurb copy
    x 0.1 =
    Percentage of sales lost

    Note how LOW the losses are! That’s the logical reason why publishers can afford to print lousy covers. Maybe the readers are jaded.

  13. Adam Roberts Says:

    I appreciate the subtle Christmas theme here (‘four calling birds, three French hens, Harry Turtledove/And a partridge in a pear tree’). Bravo!

  14. Zaker Says:

    Man, can Halloween Costume packaging get any more dramatic?

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    In a small flash of light, Officer Tinkerbell entered the crime scene and peeped in her tinny voice:
    “What’s all this, then?”

  16. RachelJ Says:

    Clearly they’re playing Charades- the original, fancy kind featuring costumed tableaus, popular with the European upper-class in the 19th C. I’m not sure what syllable this is meant to convey, but it doesn’t really matter, because after this scene the characters will change back into their normal attire and resume fighting the Alternative Crimean War against the Russian lizard-troops.

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Is it just me, or is Glowy Girl levitating dead guy? Looking at the feet and hand shadows, he doesn’t seem to be touching the ground. Was she trying to beam out with the corpse/evidence before Merlin and Sinbad came in?

  18. RachelJ Says:

    @GSS ex-noob. Well, the glow’s spreading over the corpse, so possibly.

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