Jan 24

This game is so demeaning... red pigtails? Really?Click for full image

Matt’s Art Direction: I don’t care what’s on the cover. Just make it difficult to look at. I want a cover so jarring to the senses that you can barely read the title.
Published 1988

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.84 out of 10)

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23 Responses to “The Shapechanger Scenario”

  1. SI Says:

    It’s one hell of a new sport. Players hate it when the snake gets grumpy though.

  2. Phil Says:

    We’re not at all confident anyone will recognise this as a sequel, so we’d better make the title into a SUBtitle, then put in the title of the previous volume as the TITLE, following it with a number 2. That’s it, now everyone will know it’s a sequel.

    Now, we’re not too confident that anyone will have heard of the author, so let’s refer to his previous work. No, not PSYCHODROME, to which this is clearly a sequel; I meant some other work. What else has he done?

    The TIME WARS series, you say? Oh dear.

    Hmm. Better make his name quite tiny. And make the reference to TIME WARS even tinier.

    I know, how about a catchy slogan?

    Well, we could also announce this as the SECOND in an exciting new series, in case the reader doesn’t notice that number 2 we put on there.


    There’s only one thing that can save this book. Let’s use different colours for every line of type. Yes, that will do it.

  3. A.R.Yngve Says:

    On the back cover is printed a warning:
    “CAUTION: Cover text may cause seizures.”

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    No, I don’t want one. Thank you. Thank you very much for the offer. No, I don’t want yours, either.

  5. Carolyn B Says:

    OK, I actually took a writing workshop from this author in the late 1990s, and he claimed to have many of his book covers tattooed on his body. (I did not ask to see them.)

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    It’s not as unusual as you might think…

    Not many people know that Stephen King has tattooed the cover of CHRISTINE on his stomach, so he can make the car bend and buckle with his skin.

    And Dan Brown has tattooed the cover of THE DA VINCI CODE on his behind, so that he can… nah, just kidding.

  7. THX 1138 Says:

    “Snake fighting… it’s very scary fighting snake.”

    The theme tune for the film adaptation:

  8. NGpm Says:

    The Lawnmower Man called, he wants his ’80’s background grid back.

    This guy has the worst orthodontist ever. I thought I got picked on for my headgear back in the day … this guy must have had one wicked bite pattern before.

  9. Kris Says:

    Did this artist get inspiration from the MegaMan box art, or is it the other way around?

  10. Zycrow Says:

    “Ugh! Agh! I knew I shouldn’t have gone for the off-brand joystick! And this LaserScope isn’t nearly as cool as the commercial!”

  11. David Cowie Says:

    I thought we had more tentacles, but it turned out to be a snake.
    How disappointing.

  12. Dalton H. Says:

    Hold that snake a bit closer to the head, bro.

  13. Lulu Says:

    So. Many. Fontsizes.

  14. GDwarf Says:

    That snake’s anatomy has me confused. I can’t figure out if it’s got a few 90 degree turns just out of view, or if it’s literally tied itself in a knot.

    Either way, that can’t be healthy.

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The cover was later recycled for the Judge Dredd spinoff Judge Ramses, the Law of Mega-Cairo.

  16. Tom Noir Says:

    What REALLY bothers me about this is that one of his shoulder pads is shinier than the other.

  17. anon Says:

    @Tom Noir: The snake must be keeping it polished.

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The cyberpunk adventures of Pippi Longstocking.

  19. Tom Noir Says:

    @DSWBT: It’s true, he’s got amazing ginger braids.

  20. GSS noob Says:

    One night at a party, me and this author got very, very, very drunk together but I do recall he said he was going to start writing under another, shorter name to see if he’d have more success.

    Mission accomplished, Nick?

  21. Ray P Says:

    Why does this man wear a Wurlitzer on his head? Will we ever know?

  22. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @GSS Tippler: Shorter in what sense? Like, Bob Poe? Or like, SMN HK?

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @DSWBQuestions: His real name’s Nicholas Yermakov. “Simon Hawke” is 37.5% shorter and much easier to spell/pronounce. And sold a bunch more. At some point he legally changed his name to the pseud.

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