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Nov 25

What I can say, they don't look pretty. But their the best ballet duo we have in the kingdom!Click for full image

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MisterBOB Comments: Hammer & Horn – is that gay half nelson?
Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.90 out of 10)
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40 Responses to “The Hammer and the Horn”

  1. RJ Says:

    I don’t understand why this is funny, I love ‘Strictly Come Dancing’.

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    “Honest, I don’t have any change – this leotard has no pockets!”

  3. Phil Says:

    Awww, I wanted to post a comment about pocket money, but THX beat me to it.

    So instead I’ll say, er, beardy bloke seems to be enjoying whatever it is he is doing.

  4. Jaouad Says:

    Damn, now I want me a heart-shaped codpiece.

  5. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Come on, give it back — or I’ll shake it out of you!”
    “Honest, man, I didn’t take your Snickers bar!”

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    *BRRRING*
    “Hello?”
    “Vidar? It’s the Norsemen. We need you to return to battle — right now!”
    “I’m on it.”
    “And don’t forget to bring the power that you alone wield!”
    “Of course not! I’ll bring the Power of Turning People Upside Down.”

  7. SI Says:

    That bearded bloke isn’t actually leaning to the side… he just suffers from one-leg-longer syndrome.

  8. Tom Noir Says:

    “I’m gonna shake the ugly out of you!”

  9. Donald Simmons Says:

    Is Blondie wearing jeans?

  10. Pat Says:

    Donald, yes and hiking boots. He is a son of Odin (aren’t we all?) who has been passing his time on Earth for a few centuries.

  11. fred Says:

    I see Grizzly Adams but where is Ben?

  12. Celtic Says:

    “Curses, I am powerless to weild my sword when upside down”. Wait; What?

  13. Tom Noir Says:

    I have to say, this looks way better than “Thor”.

  14. David Cowie Says:

    I can’t tell if that’s a boy or a girl in the red leotard. Or even human.
    Do I need new glasses, or is the artist incompetent?

  15. Jaouad Says:

    @David Below the neck it appears to have the body of a human male (nipples peeping out from underneath the tastefully understated leotard). The head, however… there’s hair, there’s a brow, I think I can even see some abnormally big teeth.

    I guess even Vidar didn’t know what to do with it, and he’s turning it upside down to inspect the anatomy a bit closer?

  16. Smith Says:

    Vidar: “Why can’t I quit you?!?”

    Or

    Vidar: “VIDAR SMASH!”

  17. Infoqueen Says:

    @David: The face looks like some sort of gorilla, but the hairdo makes it hard to tell…

  18. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    I heard viking wrestling is fake.

  19. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    The artist is not incompetent as regards anatomy, lighting, spatial sense, or color. He or she had problems in this painting with balance, motion, and atmosphere.

    That is a white skinned ape-man, looking a little like a buff Trickster Monkey God. Our Hero is all yellow and pink and neon blue jeans. It’s an oddly distasteful contrast.

    It’s made more Uncanny Valley by the main character’s total lack of a sense that he’s in motion, or dealing with anything in motion (such as the struggling monkey god), or actually off balance. He could just as well be holding a sponge mop, scrubbing a sticky spot on the floor. It’s a weirdly static image.

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Alessandra: I would take issue with spatial sense and colour. When I first looked at the cover, I got my negative and my positive spaces backwards. I thought they were tussling in front of some kind of cityscape with a plethora of peaked roofs! Now I see, of course, that it’s some kind of burgundy cave with yellow stalactites.

  21. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    @Dead Stuff With Big Teeth: The artist does indeed have trouble with figure-ground reversal at the top of the painting. I think that’s a consequence of simplistic, flat painting in an area that was intended to be covered with text.

    I was speaking pretty briefly before. By “spatial sense” I meant that the bodies make spatial sense, that they seem to be in the same space as each other, and that they seem to be in an actual space, albeit an odd one. By “color” I meant that the artist uses color dynamically to help the image. I don’t agree with the color choices, but if you look closely you can see how the colors reflect and affect each other.

    The more I look at it the more that weirdly hairless white monkey man bothers me.

  22. Don Hilliard Says:

    Two observations:

    – Between the sequined leotard, the cute sandals and the single opera glove, that has to be the most FAAAABULOOOOUS! gorilla (?) swordsman ever.

    – Vidar’s skin looks like it would make “squeak-squeak” noises every time he moves.

    Good Show, Sir!

  23. Jaouad Says:

    The color use, and in particular the skin tones, make me wonder how the original looked like, and how much the colors on this copy have suffered since 1985, lighting conditions while taking the picture, quality of the camera etc.

    Update: ooh, look at this:
    http://lcart3.narod.ru/image/fantasy/rowena_morrill/Rowena_Morrill_The_Hammer_and_the_Horn.jpg

  24. Scott B Says:

    @Jaouad: Thanks for the link — that shows how a bad reproduction (cover printing and/or effects of the photo) can make things look worse than the original. I think Our Hero’s right leg still looks longer than the left, given the way he’s leaning over and the left is barely bent. But the colors are much better and I can actually make out the monkey-man face now.

  25. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    @Jaouad: Wow, that’s an eye-opener. With the original to compare to, you can see how Questar intensified the colors, repainted the monkey’s armor that nasty nail polish red, and crudely painted out Rowena’s signature.

  26. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I think the title is a metaphor. Vidar is the “hammer”, and he thinks that the monkey guy is the “horn”….He obviously looks like he is about to try to make some sound come out of him!

  27. JuanPaul Says:

    After seeing the original art, that ape-man-beast still looks a little soft to be a cave dweller.

  28. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Kong, if you break out into song in your thong once more, I’ll pitch you off of this cliff. Stop.’

    ‘IN THE NAME OF LOVE! BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART…’

  29. fred Says:

    He could be a One Punch Man hero. Tank Topless Lumberjack.

  30. Bibliomancer Says:

    Bum fight!

  31. Ikari Gendo Says:

    In a throwdown between a pallid gorilla/gladiator cosplayer and a bearded, blue-jeaned biker; bet on the biker.

  32. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @DSWBT—what, Kong breaks into thong? Thastsh’s dethshpicable!

  33. Anna T. Says:

    Methinks Vidar has a problem with gaudily-dressed circus performers.

  34. JuanPaul Says:

    Vidar, I know you’re just trying be the hero you are, but you really should learn the Heimlich maneuver.

  35. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Ok for the last time, what’s under that pouch, the hammer or the horn?”

  36. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Kong fell gently to the seashore, turning into an arthropod and appearing in alternative, alliterative artwork as he did so.

  37. Tag Wizard Says:

    Let’s turn that frown … upside down

  38. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @TW:
     
    ‘……………………………………………………..hm.’
    –my wife

  39. Innocent Bystander Says:

    This season of Dancing with the Stars proves to be interesting when Vidar is paired with a less than thrilled Ape Maxim

  40. GSS ex-noob Says:

    So do the jeans and hiking boots suggest that “the power that is his alone” is having several millennia more of evolution into a larger, smarter species, plus the power of decent protein and calorie intake, plus the development of martial arts, pumping iron, and mass production?

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