Nov 15
Click for full imagePaul H Cook Comments: This is the cover to my first novel. It didn’t sell well. My editor/publisher blamed me, of course. This looks like a Harlequin romance. Even I wouldn’t have purchased this book.
Published 1981
(Average: 6.96 out of 10)
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(9.25 out of 10)
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November 15th, 2012 at 9:30 am
*facepalm*
November 15th, 2012 at 10:09 am
“And here is the world you dreamed… Miss I’ve got no imagination… I mean…. come ahead step through the misty door…. But I mean seriously, we could be in a world full of chocolate women or space wizards. But I guess… a field is pretty good too…”
November 15th, 2012 at 10:34 am
“Good day, I’ll be your waiter…”
November 15th, 2012 at 12:16 pm
Mr. Cook, if you’ve put two words together, you don’t deserve that cover.
@SI: what about the fellow in black-and-white behind her? He knows he can’t dream anything even as banal as Infinite Shropshire.
November 15th, 2012 at 1:30 pm
I’m guessing that The Alejandra Variations with its snazzy cover sold better?
http://www.isfdb.org/wiki/images/0/0e/BKTG00299.jpg
hehe
November 15th, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Alternate title: LIAR, LIAR, YOUR PANTS ON FIRE. “The Lady With Smoke Coming Out Of Her Slacks Visits A Pastoral Paradise”
November 15th, 2012 at 1:57 pm
“Close the door, you’re letting in all the smog!”
OR
“We are SO overdressed for this outing.”
November 15th, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Third floor: unicorns, palanquins and elf-boots
incubi and succubi,
gnomic runes and toads
going do-own
November 15th, 2012 at 5:14 pm
“And here we are! As you can see, this property benefits from having a combined living, sleeping, kitchen and shower space, and access to a communal washing area just behind the hill there. Ideal for a couple such as yourselves!”
November 15th, 2012 at 6:57 pm
“Welcome to Robby Bensons World of Shrubbery.”
November 15th, 2012 at 10:46 pm
Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be… some woman in a suit. With a bloke following her.
November 15th, 2012 at 11:00 pm
We might be making the wrong assumption here.
“Trust me.” she said.”There are so many things to do in the city.”
“But your friends will laugh at me.” he muttered.”What with my ill fitting suit and hopelessly unfashionable hair..”
“They will not laugh.” she replied in a soothing tone
“The shrubs never laugh at me.” he whispered.
“Bloody hell. I’m off to the club.” she said and slammed the door leaving him with his horticulture in the land of Bland.
Apologies to Paul H. Cook.
November 16th, 2012 at 11:01 am
Welcome to a blurb dyslectic by a written
November 16th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
@Tat Wood: That was brilliant. (Are You Being Teleported?)
November 19th, 2012 at 11:19 am
The perspective on the city behind her is making my brain ache.
And seriously, she steps from a drab world of some city in her drab ‘eighties middle management clothes into the phantasmagorical wonderland of … some damp scrubby grassland somewhere, inhabited by a guy in drab ‘eighties middle management clothes.
The wonder, it burns.
February 19th, 2014 at 1:44 pm
Mr. E.V. Lambert of ‘Homeleigh’, The Burrows, Oswestry, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out.
August 24th, 2015 at 11:59 pm
@Alessandra Kelley: What IS with the ugly eighties suits? I bet a Harlequin cover probably wouldn’t even do that bad – though that would be because the people on it would be wearing significantly less clothing. And that man’s haircut is extremely, extremely 70’s. And flatters him not at all.
Furthermore, that portal leads to an extremely boring meadow, which looks like an English moor. Sort of. With less fog.
August 25th, 2015 at 12:38 am
It’s Narnia for Accountants!
March 2nd, 2018 at 1:17 pm
“The good news is, you’ve made it to eternity. The bad news is, you’ll be wearing that suit for the duration.”
March 2nd, 2018 at 1:54 pm
The lesser known adventures of Rose Tyler’s mum.
March 2nd, 2018 at 3:14 pm
Welcome to the deli where all the best robots come to eat and be seen:
TIN BAGEL
March 2nd, 2018 at 3:33 pm
Penis shaped skyscraper. Where to begin…
March 3rd, 2018 at 12:57 am
At least Mr. Cook was able to continue his career after this cover debacle.
He was right — this looks like paranormal romance. In sensible shoes and office wear. Yon damsel is apparently a realtor, possibly looking to expand her territory beyond the grimy city to the pastoral exurbs.
@fred: Heh at #10. Regarding #22, I thought that about the “I” in the title.
March 3rd, 2018 at 6:29 am
@Perry Armstrong, No. 18: Lolling a bit late.
March 3rd, 2018 at 12:48 pm
@GSS ex-noob
Gawd! Now you’ve brought my attention to it it looks like the T is giving the I a somewhat unenthusiastic handjob.
March 3rd, 2018 at 2:21 pm
@Perry
Now I actually want someone to write a Narnia For Accountants
March 4th, 2018 at 9:07 am
@Francis: Gah! I didn’t even see that, just the I.
It’s bad when the first 25% of the title appears to be having more carnal activity than the characters.
March 4th, 2018 at 7:14 pm
I don’t think everyone on these covers needs to be wearing spacesuits, armor or chain-mail bikinis. But that pant suit and the sensible pumps are antonyms of “adventure” and “fantasy.” Especially “fantasy.”
March 5th, 2018 at 12:24 am
@Tor: “Step into the wonderful world of middle management at Tintagel, Inc. An Equal Opportunity Employer.”
March 7th, 2018 at 1:51 am
Try new Tinta-gel™ color adjuster. Just rub the tinted gel of your choice on to your eyeballs, and the world becomes what ever tint you desire! Try my favorite, key lime!