Nov 15

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Paul H Cook Comments: This is the cover to my first novel. It didn’t sell well. My editor/publisher blamed me, of course. This looks like a Harlequin romance. Even I wouldn’t have purchased this book.
Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.10 out of 10)

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30 Responses to “Tintagel”

  1. James Says:


  2. SI Says:

    “And here is the world you dreamed… Miss I’ve got no imagination… I mean…. come ahead step through the misty door…. But I mean seriously, we could be in a world full of chocolate women or space wizards. But I guess… a field is pretty good too…”

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    “Good day, I’ll be your waiter…”

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Mr. Cook, if you’ve put two words together, you don’t deserve that cover.

    @SI: what about the fellow in black-and-white behind her? He knows he can’t dream anything even as banal as Infinite Shropshire.

  5. Joachim Says:

    I’m guessing that The Alejandra Variations with its snazzy cover sold better?


  6. Adam Roberts Says:

    Alternate title: LIAR, LIAR, YOUR PANTS ON FIRE. “The Lady With Smoke Coming Out Of Her Slacks Visits A Pastoral Paradise”

  7. Tom Noir Says:

    “Close the door, you’re letting in all the smog!”


    “We are SO overdressed for this outing.”

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    Third floor: unicorns, palanquins and elf-boots
    incubi and succubi,
    gnomic runes and toads
    going do-own

  9. Jaouad Says:

    “And here we are! As you can see, this property benefits from having a combined living, sleeping, kitchen and shower space, and access to a communal washing area just behind the hill there. Ideal for a couple such as yourselves!”

  10. fred Says:

    “Welcome to Robby Bensons World of Shrubbery.”

  11. Phil Says:

    Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be… some woman in a suit. With a bloke following her.

  12. FearofMusic Says:

    We might be making the wrong assumption here.
    “Trust me.” she said.”There are so many things to do in the city.”
    “But your friends will laugh at me.” he muttered.”What with my ill fitting suit and hopelessly unfashionable hair..”
    “They will not laugh.” she replied in a soothing tone
    “The shrubs never laugh at me.” he whispered.
    “Bloody hell. I’m off to the club.” she said and slammed the door leaving him with his horticulture in the land of Bland.

    Apologies to Paul H. Cook.

  13. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Welcome to a blurb dyslectic by a written

  14. Don Hilliard Says:

    @Tat Wood: That was brilliant. (Are You Being Teleported?)

  15. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    The perspective on the city behind her is making my brain ache.

    And seriously, she steps from a drab world of some city in her drab ‘eighties middle management clothes into the phantasmagorical wonderland of … some damp scrubby grassland somewhere, inhabited by a guy in drab ‘eighties middle management clothes.

    The wonder, it burns.

  16. rev Says:

    Mr. E.V. Lambert of ‘Homeleigh’, The Burrows, Oswestry, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out.

  17. Anna T. Says:

    @Alessandra Kelley: What IS with the ugly eighties suits? I bet a Harlequin cover probably wouldn’t even do that bad – though that would be because the people on it would be wearing significantly less clothing. And that man’s haircut is extremely, extremely 70’s. And flatters him not at all.

    Furthermore, that portal leads to an extremely boring meadow, which looks like an English moor. Sort of. With less fog.

  18. Perry Armstrong Says:

    It’s Narnia for Accountants!

  19. JuanPaul Says:

    “The good news is, you’ve made it to eternity. The bad news is, you’ll be wearing that suit for the duration.”

  20. Francis Boyle Says:

    The lesser known adventures of Rose Tyler’s mum.

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Welcome to the deli where all the best robots come to eat and be seen:


  22. fred Says:

    Penis shaped skyscraper. Where to begin…

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    At least Mr. Cook was able to continue his career after this cover debacle.

    He was right — this looks like paranormal romance. In sensible shoes and office wear. Yon damsel is apparently a realtor, possibly looking to expand her territory beyond the grimy city to the pastoral exurbs.

    @fred: Heh at #10. Regarding #22, I thought that about the “I” in the title.

  24. Tor Mented Says:

    @Perry Armstrong, No. 18: Lolling a bit late.

  25. Francis Boyle Says:

    @GSS ex-noob

    Gawd! Now you’ve brought my attention to it it looks like the T is giving the I a somewhat unenthusiastic handjob.

  26. Cygnia Says:


    Now I actually want someone to write a Narnia For Accountants

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Francis: Gah! I didn’t even see that, just the I.

    It’s bad when the first 25% of the title appears to be having more carnal activity than the characters.

  28. Tor Mented Says:

    I don’t think everyone on these covers needs to be wearing spacesuits, armor or chain-mail bikinis. But that pant suit and the sensible pumps are antonyms of “adventure” and “fantasy.” Especially “fantasy.”

  29. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tor: “Step into the wonderful world of middle management at Tintagel, Inc. An Equal Opportunity Employer.”

  30. JuanPaul Says:

    Try new Tinta-gelâ„¢ color adjuster. Just rub the tinted gel of your choice on to your eyeballs, and the world becomes what ever tint you desire! Try my favorite, key lime!

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