Sep 24
Click for full imageDead Stuff With Big Teeth comments: Theodore Sturgeon’s plan was to explain everything about the novel, except the cover. And no, that is not a huge obnoxious lens flare or an errant price tag.
Published 1983
(Average: 6.35 out of 10)
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September 24th, 2013 at 9:41 am
So Vanessa Williams was right, sometimes the sun does go round the moon.
September 24th, 2013 at 9:54 am
Yeah, yeah… isn’t it ALWAYS about discovering “the price of immortality”?
How about discovering that immortality is awesome… for a change?
September 24th, 2013 at 11:01 am
Interpretive dance was so much better in the early 80’s!
September 24th, 2013 at 11:04 am
How is she balancing on that little blue marble when her weight’s so far off-centre?
(@A.R.Yngve: James Blish did that in ‘Cities in Flight’ but they aren’t his best work).
September 24th, 2013 at 1:10 pm
‘A tale of very human humans’. Man, that Sturgeon guy’s got a way with words. He should try bein’a writer himself. Or somethimg.
September 24th, 2013 at 1:25 pm
“… And what’s the price of this here limited edition immortality? Well here at Crazy Theodore’s Discount Super- and Godlike Powers Warehouse we’re practically giving it away. It’s not $299! It’s not $199! For a limited time only the price of immortality is just $99.99! Buy two, get your choice of telepathy, telekinesis or power over the animals for just $25.99. Open 8 till 8, on highway 9 just past the Yellow Disc…”
September 24th, 2013 at 1:50 pm
@Lionrock; Why, that sounds amazing! But wait. I have bad credit. How can someone like me, an ordinary person, take advantage of this deal of a lifetime opportunity? If only there was a way a regular person, like me, could afford this remarkable product. Oh, what shall I do?
September 24th, 2013 at 2:20 pm
Is that a Pilates ball and a yoga student on the cover? Don’t be surprised to find this mis-shelved in the heath and exercise section of your local bookstore.
@Tag Wizard — Is the “magical orb” tag in order here? Or is that ball not magical enough for ya.
September 24th, 2013 at 2:43 pm
Is a “Triad” like a “Trilogy”? What exactly is a “human human”?
“strong and many stranded” you say, like a comfy sweater?
September 24th, 2013 at 3:09 pm
@B, you’re right. When was the last time the sun was translucent?
September 24th, 2013 at 3:41 pm
‘Earth Song Triad’ were a notorious gang of Chinese racketeers who loved Michael Jackson: they all had tattoos saying ‘What About the Elephants?’
September 24th, 2013 at 3:51 pm
Back when I was living up in the North Country, we had this ‘carny’ named Sturgeon who set up a semi-permanent storefront operation out on the far-end of Arch Street. He sold this awful tasting (at least that’s what Eustice Stinklmeier–that fat kid who hung out behind the Rexall– said) patent medicine called, “Immortality.†The gimmick was he would determine the price you paid based on the pattern of colors you created when you stood on his “Magical and Wondrous Mood Carpet.†Of course it was just thermochromic liquid crystal sealed up in a clear plastic bag, but as kids we never figured that out.
This gig lasted for several months and this Sturgeon fellow was really racking in the cash until one day—as he put it, “That damn stupid rat showed up!†The trouble started when Mary Sue Ellen Hosensack’s dog, Bruno, got all charged-up after tasting a bit of Immortality that had been spilled on the road earlier that afternoon. Bruno was part dachshund, part pomeranian, part chihuahua, and as Eustice Stinklmeier claimed, also more than a little groundhog. And he would know. Eustice Stinkmeier knew everything and we kids hung on his every word. His older sister, Lucretia, got kicked by Old Man Korzeniowski’s mule and after that, she would only ever wear one shoe and it was said she had visions.
Anyway, as I said, Bruno got all charged-up and lit into that “Magical and Wondrous Mood Carpet†like Billy Sunderake’s smell-hound on a nest of rabbits. Bruno was never right after that and it was said–by no greater authority than Eustice Stinklmeier himself—that you could predict the day’s weather by color of Bruno’s vomit.
The sheriff had a sample of that Sturgeon fellow’s concoction sent down to Syracuse [NY] for testing and when the results came back they were hand delivered by two Federal agents. That was the end of Sturgeon and his “Immortality.†It turned out the elixir consisted of 85% alcohol, 4% oil of wintergreen, 3% spirit of turpentine, 3% acetone, 1% plain old leaded gasoline, and the remaining 4% was a mixture of phycotrophic vegetable alkaloids plus just a pinch of of this black sticky stuff he collected from moldy rye grains.
I think the cover artist of this book must have been one of Sturgeon’s regular customers.
September 24th, 2013 at 5:02 pm
It’s like Sturgeon’s blurb is being recorded in an big echoey room ‘ … a story of very verys human humans who discover covers …’
September 24th, 2013 at 6:13 pm
I’m sorry, folks, but: BEHIND YOU!
Is this book in the 95% part of Sturgeon’s Law?
September 24th, 2013 at 7:14 pm
I wonder, do the human humans have dog dogs and cat cats in their house houses? Do they get up in the morning and have their coffee coffee before taking a train train to their job jobs?
Oh, and that artwork is very art art as well.
September 24th, 2013 at 7:20 pm
Rhythmic gymnastics is too high a price to pay for immortality. Track and field would be OK.
September 25th, 2013 at 1:26 am
The font has tentacles.
September 25th, 2013 at 8:50 am
@Kripslod: See, now I’m intrigued by the good folks of the North Country and I shall be looking forward to your next instalment.
September 25th, 2013 at 9:05 am
@FearofMusic: “what’s that? You have bad credit? Why, that’s no problem at all. With Crazy Theodore’s Discount Super-and Godlike Powers Warehouse finance plans there’s a deal even if your credit history is as poor as ours! Talk to us about our Immortality4U Finance packages* today!”
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September 27th, 2013 at 10:24 pm
@A.R.: I’m with you. Why is it always “Everyone’s immortal and it sucks,” instead of, “Everyone’s immortal and you wouldn’t believe the awesome stuff that led to.” Maybe this is a genre we can challenge the next generation of writers to come up with.
September 28th, 2013 at 1:48 am
@Stevie T and AR: you might want to look back at the seventies, when this was a whole sub-genre.
September 28th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
@ST, AR, TW: this is just the tip of the iceberg. ‘Everyone’s immortal and they’re prone to fits of hysterical laughter.’ ‘Everyone’s immortal and can’t stop watching Bristol Rovers matches on the telly.’ ‘Everyone’s immortal, but nobody knows about it because it’s a private matter and you’re reluctant to talk about it and you hope the other fellow brings it up.’
April 14th, 2014 at 11:06 am
Wasn’t the basis of Hercules that everyone else was immortal and he wasn’t but he used to be and it sucked that he wasn’t anymore?