Feb 22

With a little help from his monkey sidekick!Click for larger image

Bibliomancer Comments: Good thing he’s wearing protection on his monster.

Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.43 out of 10)

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26 Responses to “The Lords of the Crimson River”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    I might have known Dickie was a Renaissance Fayre kinda guy.

  2. Francis Boyle Says:

    This has to be the best drawn Dick we’ve had so far – I’ll say that for this cover.

  3. Raoul Says:

    @Francis – But his lady-friend has the worst-drawn left arm and hand.
    And what is she wearing? Cellophane?

  4. Francis Boyle Says:


    Well, yes, there’s all the other stuff which I’m ignoring because it makes my brain hurt.

  5. JuanPaul Says:

    Is this an image from Jeffery Lord’s last colonoscopy?

  6. THX 1138 Says:

    Meanwhile, Dickie stayed well away from the Ladies of the Crimson River.

  7. Lillie Awesome Says:

    I was all set to gently remind Mr. Kevin Johnson that he’s allowed to mix colors on the palette, and not just use primaries straight from the tube, in the interest of allowing his viewer to figure out what the heck is happening his…er…adventurous scenes, but clicking on his tag, I see that “I only need one shade of whatever color I choose” seems to be kind of his thing, so…carry on then, good sir.

  8. fred Says:

    If the monkey isn’t named Dirk Blade I want to know why.

  9. THX 1138 Says:

    Waaait a minute… what’s that 35 doing on the cover? How many of these were there?!

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @ Raoul (3)—She appears to be suffering from an advanced case of smallhanditis.

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It seems that somebody at the Unknown Typographers Academy skipped the class where they taught the difference between an en-dash and an em-dash.
    That “Time—Space Journey” looks ridiculous.

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Oh, and I guess we call that a “modesty pommel”?

  13. Tor Mented Says:

    Nice detail on the cover, but horrible composition. My first impression was that Mr. Blade had chopped off the head and neck of a metallic dragon while a knight in armor crooned “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

  14. Bibliomancer Says:

    @THX – There’s 37 of these bad boys. Collect them all!

    @B. Chiclitz – She’s used to a good pommeling.

  15. Tor Mented Says:

    It occurs to me that the artist was working from a photo of the Laocoön group.

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @B’Mancer 😉

    Good cover, by the way, but please don’t feel compelled to post the other 36.

  17. Raoul Says:

    @THX1138 #6 – Flow my tears … of laughter! Good Show Sir!

  18. THX 1138 Says:

    @BC #16: I fear we’re past the point of no return in that respect.

  19. Francis Boyle Says:


    What, and deny us the delights of “Killer Plants Of Binnark”. Never.

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:


    This site has to have occasional Dick. And one we hadn’t seen before.

    Blade looks less buff here than usual. Look how his ribs are showing. No sammiches in Dimension X? Too busy with the ladies and uh… whatever he’s fighting to eat? And what kind of critter is his mighty steed?

    Is that the same monkey sidekick we saw him with on Jedd? Or are simians just required wherever he goes? Is it a lizard-monkey?

    For once, he’s got his crotch covered. But why’s the young lady got her bum covered in plastic wrap? Keeping it fresher?

    Are they fighting inside some kind of giant shellfish?

    @Lillie (7): Don’t confuse Mr. Johnson (snerk). Maybe he only got halfway through UAI. Never made the blending or composition classes.

    @BC (10, 11): She also has a touch of longarmitis. And maybe the typographer really meant to use some other punctuation mark, like a colon. “An incredible time: space journey in Dimension X!”

  21. Anna T. Says:

    Usually, in pulp fantasy works, it’s the women who get the inadequate armour. Dick Blade, however, goes into battle protecting only his legs.

    Of course, his wonky-armed girlfriend is only wearing a veil, so this is still definitely a pulp cover.

  22. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Anna T: knowing what Dick’s favorite body part is, I wonder that he’s only got metal leggings that might chafe said part — yet no armor for Dick’s dick.

    In this rendering, Dick looks a bit like Hugh Jackman (ahem), which leads one to the terrifying image of “Blade: The Musical!”

  23. THX 1138 Says:

    @GSS x-n #22: Well, Dickie is our greatest man-show.

  24. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @THX: Heh. That he is. Showing his manhood everywhere.

    Inside of cave: Mother of pearl, bright enough to hurt your eyes.
    Reaction of viewers: Mother of God! My eyes!

  25. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The infamous San Diego Convention Center triple booking disaster of 1981, when three different costumed fandoms fought for the right to occupy the floor.

  26. Hammy Says:

    It looks to me like lady-friend of Blade better duck. He’s going to stick the point of the sword through her head if his backswing gets any longer.

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