Feb 21

They played Dark Forces © LucasArtsClick for larger image

Bibliomancer Comments: Even with a crystal ball they did nazi that coming.

Published 1974

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.67 out of 10)

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23 Responses to “They Used Dark Forces”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    And all because the lady loves… oh, wait, that was Milk Tray.

  2. JuanPaul Says:

    “How many times do I have to tell you??? Use a damn beverage coaster!”

  3. fred Says:

    They used dark forces… conjure a nude mime who will attempt to kill Winston Churchill.

  4. Tom Noir Says:

    “Help! I’m naked and trapped in this weird cover!”

  5. Raoul Says:

    Suranne Jones stars in an unsettling new episode:


  6. Tor Mented Says:

    They Used Dark Forces For Dummies!

  7. Tat Wood Says:

    They should have used the crystal ball to foresee Anglia Television ripping this cover off for ‘Tales of the Unexpected’ and sued.

  8. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Didn’t know they had artificial dumplings back in WWII days. Must have been some of that Nazi super-science we see in so many books. Like the cover of “The Little People”, over there in our Top Ten. Ach du Brüste!

    Also didn’t know there were naked female mimes who were so enthusiastic about doing the old “invisible box” routine. I’d have expected that in the preceding years; seems more Weimar Republic/”Cabaret”. (Am now picturing Joel Grey introducing zee Mistress of Mime.)

    They did stick to one font here, which is to be encouraged. And it’s not embossed. Yet it too fails, what with Dennis’ name bigger than everything else. I can’t tell if it’s from the photo angle or on the book, but the actual title of the thing seems to be in the smallest point size. WTF?

    And the layout of the images is more of a pile up in the center; it’s such a random jumble that at first I didn’t recognize das Raum Schafe as our old pal, and thought it was another piece of the assorted items.

    The Unknown Artist Institute does it again.

    @Tor: Good Show, Sir!

  9. Dave M Says:

    Dennis Wheatley (or more likely his publisher) really loves that jazz handed naked woman. She appear on “To the devil a daughter” as well.

    I’m not sure if I should be proud I remembered that, or somewhat ashamed. 🙂

  10. THX 1138 Says:

    Obviously a reboot of a classic sitcom… the opening titles of Something For the Dads Army.

  11. JuanPaul Says:

    When sexual role playing goes too far.

  12. Tor Mented Says:

    @Dave M: Good catch.

  13. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSS ex-noob: of course Dennis’s name’s the big noise – he was the selling-point and all the punters needed to know was that it was the new one – same way Amazon lists any forthcoming Grisham under the title ‘John Grisham Thriller’ until two months before release. Wheatley was bigger in 1974 than Grisham is now.

    And it was wartime, dumplings were all ersatz because suet was rationed.

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Dave M (9): Ashamed as a person; proud as a GSSer.

    So all the “Black Magic” books had the same design: young lady of dubious boobius, different colored fire, and clip art of something eeeevil?

  15. Anna T. Says:

    Who let the Nazis into the occult books again?

    . . . Christina? Was it you?

  16. Bibliomancer Says:

    @GSSXN – Yes the Arrow Books Wheatley Black Magic series are cookie-cutter designed.
    Collect them all!

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @B’mancer: Egads! “Formulaic” doesn’t begin to describe it. I hope Dennis got the dosh, because the artist really wasn’t earning it with his swapping out the random objet d’eeeeviiiillll.

  18. Tat Wood Says:

    Thinking about this cover again, I can’t help wondering if we need a ‘Golfing for Cats’ tag.

    About forty years ago, Alan Coren supposedly asked his local bookseller what things always guaranteed a book’s popularity and was told pets, hobbies and Hitler were infallible so he called the book ‘Golfing for Cats’ and put a swastika on it. and for the paperback

    The skiffy version would be Paul di Filippo calling a 90s short story collection ‘The Steampunk Trilogy’ but his idea of cover-art isn’t exactly customer-friendly. Or any Baen cover where the random artwork generator is set to ‘omnishambles’.

    What I’m getting at is something where the thought-process of the commissioning editors is naked and proud, a catchpenny title, a simple concept and a startling set of images (and a book apparently written to fit). I had a quick look around for examples

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: I fear that tag would be used even more than WTF, making it almost useless.

  20. anon Says:

    They used silicone.

  21. THX 1139 Says:

    @anon: Only Ann-Margret had silicone in 1974.

  22. A.R.Yngve Says:


  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @ARY: Are you hitting the “Random Terrible Cover” link often the past couple of weeks, to be making these comments? You’re like Flashback Friday every day. It’s good fun.

    @Tat Wood (13): belated LOL at the dumpling joke.

    I realized in Dennis’ oeuvre, all the dumplings are literally the devil’s, making @Tag W’s tag perfect here.

    Maybe her fingers are wide spread cos she’s been reading “Piano For Dummies” over on the right.

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