Nov 30

'Fascinating' - Horny Book Magazine

Good Show Sir comments: Those sirens are uglier than I imagined.

Thanks to Ryan for sending this in!

Published 1982

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.67 out of 10)

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17 Responses to “The Nearest Fire”

  1. fred Says:

    Popeye doesn’t need a battleship to fight the Sea Hag.

  2. Francis Boyle Says:

    That’s no hag and the battleship is doomed.

  3. Tor Mented Says:

    You kids get off my lake!

  4. Tat Wood Says:

    That’s apparently an aircraft-carrier made of wood. No wonder Iggle Piggle jumped ship.

    And as far as I can see, the big ship’s called ‘Rancid’. Not a propitious name.

  5. Ryan Says:

    New challenge: Name three ways you can tell that this book was NOT published by Baen.

  6. fred Says:

    No bosomy babe in the life raft.
    Lack of fire.
    Not enough moons.

  7. Daard23 Says:

    No fifty shades of orange
    No cleavage
    No cat people
    Also, no orange cat people with cleavage

  8. Tracy Says:

    Carl Lungren painted a wonderful sea and sky but a horrible ship and seahag. I am not feeling the excitement of whatever plot there is and certainly not seeing a fire anywhere. I also swear I read the first book of this series and it was a dud. I’ll research it.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    @Ryan: err… the word TIMESCAPE at the top?

    (And I hope that’s not a Baen-style author portrait:

  10. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Ryan: No boobs, no automatic/laser weapons, the title isn’t in a stupid font (even if Timescape is). Also no ‘splosions.

    Why is a wooden ship looking for the nearest fire? That’s counterproductive. And since the ship’s wood and the place has a sea hag, what’s with the excess jumble of conning towers and superstuctures, apparently also wooden, and the antennae? Must be picking up magick signals, not radio/radar waves.

    @Tat: Can’t be an aircraft carrier. Look how small the deck is. You couldn’t land anything bigger than a hang glider there. Just a wooden warship.

    Monkeys. All those towers would need monkeys to climb them. Maybe Hag is yelling “you damn dirty apes!”

    @Tracy: I have a vague memory of the same scenario.

  11. Emster Says:

    No needlessly “flame”-boyant fonts
    No telltale Baen crest just off to the left of the orange cat people with cleavage
    No American speed boat with MacGyvered cannon buzzing around that ship as a distraction tactic that will win the battle! (GSS to whomever can tell me the BAEN book/series/author I’m not so subtly referring to)

  12. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Tat Wood: the aircraft carrier made of wood had its problems, but the aircraft carrier made of bricks was no improvement.

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Emster: Half of them?

    As the ship is wood, the raft fills the speedboat role. It’s a low-tech imitation.

    The person on the raft might be a naked woman; we’d definitely able to tell on t’other.

  14. Emster Says:

    T’was a nod to Eric Flint’s Grantville series – I believe they were pimping the motorboats to assist their allies in “1633”. Kinda liked the Grantville segments but not particularly interested in detailed 17th century Euro socio/eco/political history, subsequently dumped them for alien worlds and spaceships – pew pew pew!

  15. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSS ex-noob (10): Hot air balloons are aircraft.

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: Point taken. Although, again, possibly not the safest on a giant pile of wood. (Which is possibly being sailed by monkeys.)

    @Emster: According to actual Germans, neither the history (before 1632) nor even the geography is close to correct.

    Since budget, travel, and locations are no problem in a book series, you’d think a couple topographical maps of the area and some reference books would have done the trick even before the days of Google/Wiki. We had paper maps, libraries, and encyclopedias back then.

    Looks like his personal web site is already shut down and he’s only been dead 5 months! I guess they’ve made sure his work can’t be edited rewritten like he did to the classic authors in the reprint editions he worked on.

    If this cover had had the spaceship crest, it would have been just over one of the mountains, I bet. Or possibly where the artist’s signature is. Whichever would be more ridiculous.

  17. A. R. Yngve Says:

    This is a hard one to riff on. I respect the artist for going resolutely bonkers and not caring about the genre’s usual crowd-pleasing tropes… and the text and fonts do not embarrass themselves.


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