Good Show Sir

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Christal Comments: Unbeknownst to the author, the night before the cover art was due the artist stayed up all night smoking weed and watching The Mummy and Star Trek IV on an endless loop all night long.
Published 1985

(Average: 6.45 out of 10)

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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Stevens! We have a problem. ‘Demon Muskrat Vixens,’ just came back from the printers with a picture of some giant cube on the cover. What happened to that crazy ass piece we originally commissioned for it?!

Update: New, improved cover photo supplied by Tom Noir!

Published 1993

Many thanks to Tom!

(Average: 7.75 out of 10)

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DN’s Art Direction: No cohesion, you hear me? None! And, listen, if there aren’t two guys in a tango-off over Kevin Sorbo’s shoulder on this cover, you’re fired!
Published 1989

Many thanks to DN!

(Average: 7.66 out of 10)

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Greengerg’s Art Direction: Elephants have the natural ability to survive in the vacuum of space. No? Well, draw it that anyway, bub.
Published 1985

Many thanks to Greengerg!

(Average: 5.98 out of 10)

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Elijah Comments: What’s amazing isn’t just how ugly it is (and it is very ugly), or even the fact that it’s a book by a great author (because this happens to great authors, and Bradley definitely did go downhill eventually). No, what makes this ridiculous is that it’s by a great author AND it’s a Tor book. I mean, Tor has ugly covers sometimes, but this looks self-published…
Published 1997

Many thanks to Elijah!

(Average: 4.86 out of 10)

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Eron Comments: In this cover, we get a fantastic 70’s disco door that leads to ancient Rome and connected by the most realistic rendering of… uh… electricity? … we have a centurion, a queen, a werewolf and, wait for it, a dude in a sombrero.
Published 1996

Many thanks to Eron!

(Average: 6.10 out of 10)

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Ashton Comments: Usually when there’s a naked woman on the front of a book it’s to titillate the viewer, but this brave artist went against convention and made the most unappealing cover he could think of.
Published 1989

Many thanks to Ashton!

(Average: 8.16 out of 10)

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Nathan Comments: Timothy Zahn has a winner with the giant spider bouncy ball, peasant Tasha Yar, and a gopher mercenary? Oh and eye straining font!
Published 2006

Could this be a first? Man-gerbil?
Many thanks to Nathan!

(Average: 6.00 out of 10)

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Jessie Comments: I really don’t know what to say about this, but I recommend noticing not only the shag carpet flames but also the subtle nuances of how the model’s head is too small for her body, which is wearing a very modern pair of socks.
Published 1985

Many thanks to Jessie!

(Average: 5.76 out of 10)

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Nix Comments: This book is reasonable-if-crappy (it’s a Modesitt, so it has Modesitt’s sole interchangeable plot) and the cover is a pretty good depiction of a scene from the book… but the cover is so badly done it distracted me from reading the book. I’m not even sure what’s wrong with it. Are those bobbleheads or are they actually almost in proportion and merely a horrible example of the dangers of having naturalistic heads and cartoon everything else? I don’t know.
Published 2000

Space pilots are so moody!
Thanks to Nix!

(Average: 6.51 out of 10)

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