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Nov 20

Jailbait PrimeClick for larger image

Bibliomancer Comments: “One of my favorite sci-fi cover models!” – Judge Roy Moore

Published 1990

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.42 out of 10)
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35 Responses to “The Diamond Moon”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Yeah, keep your “explosions” to yourself, thanks.

  2. Tom Noir Says:

    A story about a tiny blonde trapped inside a space helmet? I’m in!

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    ‘Twas on the spaceship Venus
    Good grief, I think she’s seen us
    I have no time
    For the obvious rhyme
    But it is shaped like an aubergine.

  4. Bibliomancer Says:

    What? This is not written by Arthur C. Clarke? And it’s not a novel called Venus Prime? And the sexy model is not over 18? There are some serious misrepresentations going on here.

  5. fred Says:

    Venus Prime Italian style. She looks out of Roy Moore territory.
    https://i.pinimg.com/474x/e5/43/03/e54303ae81a3b92cbb582f3c15efa7f7–strain-venus.jpg

  6. JuanPaul Says:

    This is what happens when you feed your kid GMOs.

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Well, Bibliomancer stole my Roy Moore joke (Bravo, Sir!). So all I can say is, yeah, that moon looks like a diamond all right!

  8. Anna T. Says:

    She looks like she’s broken her spine.

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    A R T H U R   C   C L A R K E

    (is in no way involved with this book)

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Just noticed that that diamond moon, and those other globes, are flanked by not one but two copies of Orson Scott Card. Something suspicious going on here, Bibliomancer . . . .

  11. Bibliomancer Says:

    @B. Chiclitz – Just got back from Seattle where they still have lots of used bookstores (mostly with coffee bars attached). I sent a bunch of fine covers in to GSS last week.

    Obviously this one is photoshopped. Hah. For some reason there were like ten copies of this OSC gem on the shelf where I propped it.

  12. Raoul Says:

    @Anna T. – At the Unknown Artist Institute they teach you how to pose the model to get the boobs and butt in the same shot. Even at the risk of spine damage.

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—well I guess a gem belongs next to a diamond moon.

  14. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    Yes, she is quite well endowed, isn’t she? Butr the face doesn’t seem to match the endowment–she looks to be about 5 years old, facewise.

  15. Bibliomancer Says:

    @THX1138 – Did you know you can avoid rhyme-fails and just post emojis now? 🍆

  16. THX 1138 Says:

    @Biblio #15: I was thinking I should have said “aubergine-us”, but that would be good too!

  17. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @THX, Biblio—Would this have been an improvement or a catastrophe?

    ‘Twas on the spaceship Venus
    Good grief, I think she’s seen us
    I have no time
    For the obvious rhyme
    ‘Cuz I’m thinking instead of my penus.

  18. Bibliomancer Says:

    @B. Chiclitz, here, hold my beer:

    Arthur C. Clarke had a trick
    He hired a writer sidekick
    Too bad that his choice,
    Was some guy named Paul Preuss
    Who is hardly a Philip K. 🍆

  19. Tat Wood Says:

    From Hot Gossip’s less-well-known routine ‘I Lost My Lumbar Vertebrae to a Starship Trooper’

  20. fred Says:

    Vol 1. Explosive series indeed.
    http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/vp_vol_1_2645.jpg

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    I guess Bibliomancer wins the Palm Job D’Or. I tried to help but botched it. I was never good at subtlety.

  22. Tor Mented Says:

    If Humbert Humbert wrote sci-fi.

  23. Yoss Says:

    Part of being an artist is knowing when to break the rules. I’m not confident that this was the proper time to break the “human faces go on the front of the head” rule.

  24. Leak Says:

    Ow ow ow… that’s some serious “Escher Girl“-worthy spine breakage…

  25. Tor Mented Says:

    I’m tempted to read the title top to bottom, but all I get is Vice President Erni Umsev.
    Also, does anyone else see a laughing purple stormtrooper with a woman-child for a tongue?

  26. GSS ex-noob Says:

    She’s young for the Sir Mix tag — OTOH it might just be some sort of fluid buildup from her broken spine, which explains her distressed expression.

    Must have been snapped when Moore snatched her from the mall and shoved her into a too-small carrying case. Possibly a bubble gum, capsule toy, or other vending machine, or one of those claw machines that children sometimes get stuck in at the arcade.

    (I was a mall rat at the time Moore was stalking — luckily our mall security was more proactive and banned the pervs after the first offense.)

    @THX: Yes, you should have used the emoji. If your device did not allow it, calling it an eggplant would have preserved the correct number of syllables.

    @BC: I, too, wondered WTF is up with the surrounding CarD. Wiki tells me it’s in the series involving Alvin, who we here at GSS all remember for his “golden plough” aka giant glowing 🍆

    Original cover of that book shows a starkers boy. Hmmmm.

    And we all know that this is NOT the sort of thing Sir Arthur would have approved of, being attracted to t’other sort.

  27. Hammy Says:

    @Anna T. –

    She has, it seems, but it looks to me that her lower pair of breasts are forcing her spine into that curve.

    That isn’t a second set of breasts below the obvious ones? Never mind….

  28. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Think how much even greater this cover would be if only she were holding the lollipop gun.

  29. Tat Wood Says:

    This pose becomes a lot less uncomfortable-looking if we assume that her arms are growing out of her neck. (Assuming that having arms growing out of your neck isn’t uncomfortable).

  30. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Hammy, Tat: Maybe we’ve been interpreting this all wrong. Maybe it’s some being with four front lumps, two back ones, no legs, and arms growing out of its neck/torso, which is wearing a mask of a little girl’s head.

    Dressing up as a scary tiny human for Space Halloween or something, like little Earth kids put on alien masks.

    Explains everything! Solves the anatomical issues!

  31. Hammy Says:

    @GSSXN(#30) –

    Just two more lumps in front, and space-kid could have dressed up as a cat-person for Space Halloween. Missed opportunity, I say….

  32. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Hammy: p’raps she couldn’t get the back lumps around to the front, and had to go as a human.

    Cat-person IS the best Space Halloween costume, of course, unless you’re already a cat-person from space, in which case I guess you dress up as a lizard person?

  33. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Will you tell me exactly what happened, sir.”
    “I picked up the explosive new series ‘Venus Prime,’ as a present to Uncle Roy… then the books brushed against a hot spotlight, and BLAM! went the entire book shelf!”
    “I see. The bookstore manager should have known better than to stack so many explosive books next to each other.”

  34. Tiffany Says:

    You misspelt Bill Clinton…

  35. Tag Wizard Says:

    Oh dear, Tiffany, you missed the joke here. See, the girl looks very under age which is a Roy Moore thing. If this was a White House intern in a space ship your comment might have been funnier.

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