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Mar 21

White people are crae craeClick for larger image

The Bookkeeper Comments: “Please Lord make my hand like the other one. OH NOOOO!” (old joke)

Published 1996

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.14 out of 10)
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18 Responses to “Alvin Journeyman”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    Can’t a guy empty his sack in peace?

  2. fred Says:

    It’s like ‘the glow in the dark’ John Ritter scene from Blake Edward’s ‘Skin Deep’ only in broad daylight.

  3. B. Chiclitz Says:

    We really ought to have a “Pinhead” tag.

  4. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Mistah Kurtz—he on fire!”

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    Is this some kind of weird mashup of Huckleberry Finn and Freaky Friday?

    “You won’t believe the hi-jinx when a white boy and his old negro slave wake up one Friday and discover they’ve switched bodies! And one has a molten ingot for a hand!”

  6. Tor Mented Says:

    One popular fan theory is that the bag contains the soul of Marsellus Wallace.

  7. Tat Wood Says:

    Never mind his freaky hand – why has he acquired the miniaturised head of Nick Cave?

  8. Ray P Says:

    Can’t a fella find some peace to stroke his log?

    ANVIL JOURNEYMAN ‘O WAR

    Quite a billing.

    I hadn’t known that Mr. Card wrote gay Mandingo stories.

  9. Tracy Says:

    He looks like he’s playing with a giant turd!

  10. JuanPaul Says:

    This was edited out of ’12 Years a Slave’. I heard they will include it in the director’s cut.

  11. Francis Boyle Says:

    He doesn’t seem very well endowed but he’s really rocking that thigh gap.

  12. Ray P Says:

    Magic underpants?

  13. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Pulp Fiction 1821 – Vincent, Jules, and the mystery briefcase.

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I believe there’s a grammatical error in the mouseover text: the verb should be “be”.

    Is that, er, Alvin’s “plough” glowing, as seen so memorably here before on GSS?

    Isn’t his torso rather odd, with not much space given to his flat yet flabby pecs, and too much to his entirely non-sixpack abs?

    @Tat (7) also has a good point. As does @Tor (6).

    @RayP: OTOH, I’m not surprised, given the plots and phrasing of some of CarD’s other stories. And I believe Magic Underpants are what make Alvin’s trousers so overstuffed yet shapeless. Although I’m not ruling out football pads on the right leg.

    @Bruce: The timing is correct for that to be the inspiration.

    I always just wanna get the poor black guy off these covers and out of these books.

    Love how the blurb is unreadable, which is good since Publisher’s Weekly must have been off its meds if they really thought that.

  15. RachelJ Says:

    Oh. This series again. Given what Alvin was like as a mere ‘prentice, he must be literally a deity now that he’s made it to journeyman.

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @RachelJ: I think he does literally become a deity by the end.

    BTW, good to see you back — was worried the mermaids had gotten you.

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    A scene so disturbing that Jordan Peele cut it from the theatrical release of GET OUT.

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @ARY: Indeed. This is more disquieting than any of the scenes in the film, and that was one scary flick. It also would have ended the movie abruptly, since Daniel Kaluuya would have fled immediately.

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