May 26
A huge hunky man with bulging muscles and a loincloth that just about covers his ass with a sword symbolically hanging down from it. Oh and have him holding a huge spear with his taught sweaty arms.Wait – better make this a little less fabulous – add in a dragon that he might be about to kill… or seduce….
Thanks to CSA!
June 9th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Since this is a Conan cover, one could argue that it’s missing a woman in a chainmail bra, but really this is not too shabby.
June 10th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Shouldn’t “Would not like to be seen reading that” be attached to a higher score than 6/10?
June 10th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Good point David! What do you think it should be? Swap it with 7?
So it would be:
6 Stars: Awfull…just awfull…
7 Stars: Would not like to be seen reading that!
June 12th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
I was thinking more of an 8.
March 13th, 2013 at 4:40 pm
Arnold on steroids wasn’t this big! The artist is obviously following the trope, and utterly unaware that musculature to that degree is actually counter-productive to wielding a sword. Check the trivia on Imdb for the first Conan mocie. ASchwarzenegger was unable to perform some of tbe basic techniques with his sword because he was excessively muscular.
March 13th, 2013 at 5:47 pm
Sir Mix-A-Lot.
July 14th, 2013 at 1:07 am
@TagWizard: we should have a Conan the Tag!
July 14th, 2013 at 1:31 am
@His Ensorcelled Excellence, ye Tag Wizard:
Or we could broaden it slightly and go with Supraroidal Physique.
July 14th, 2013 at 4:49 am
I vote one of these:
“Pseudo-Conan”
“Faux Conan”
“Conan Wanabee”
“Conan the Impostor”
July 16th, 2013 at 1:08 am
@TW: there is a tag for Conan already, but it is awesomely underused.
July 16th, 2013 at 7:13 am
@DeadStuff—In its own stiff and clunky way, that cover’s pretty good, at least compared to this travesty, and L. Sprague De Camp & Lin Carter at least tried to stay faithful to Howard’s style and vision. It’s the Bozo-conans that so annoy. (Preceding is pure editorial.)
May 10th, 2014 at 12:42 pm
@B.Chiclitz#9: ‘Conanists’?
(Actually, the dragon-baiter’s right forearm is more developed than the left..)
May 12th, 2014 at 9:34 am
Conan must’ve been a TERRIBLE tennis player. (Think about it…)
May 12th, 2014 at 3:47 pm
@TatW12—gong chimes, number counter spins dizzily up to “winner!”
(I just figured the butt-end of the spear was so much heavier than the tip it dragged his left side down. So much for superhuman strength. Also I just realized the spear seems to passing behind his head. What’s up with that?)
May 13th, 2014 at 12:27 pm
When Conan pulls that sword out, methinks the dragon will have a look of wide eyed amazement. I bet he does that at parties too.
February 6th, 2016 at 4:35 pm
@TW: this cover is tagged ‘dude’, but not ‘hunk’. Pray tell, has the ‘hunk’ tag been retired?
February 6th, 2016 at 9:23 pm
@DSWBT – Since all hunks are dudes but not all dudes are hunks, it was decided in the Admin High Council to make a universal tag change.
February 6th, 2016 at 9:33 pm
@TW: thank you for clarifying!
Ehm…
…just out of, you know, curiosity…
…how would one know if one was a hunk? Uh, I’m asking on behalf of a friend.
February 6th, 2016 at 9:52 pm
@DSWBT – We have retained the “hunkbutt” tag in case there is any ambiguity.
February 8th, 2016 at 8:36 am
Well, at least this one is an actual Conan and not just somebody trying to screw you over.
January 22nd, 2017 at 5:39 am
Is there a real Conan tag to go with Faux-nan?
And I had no idea there were artificial steroids and HGH back in Ye Olde Tymes. They had to paint him with his arms up because someone built like that can’t put their arms down with hands touching their sides.
Also, Conan appears to have skipped leg day every day. Absolutely no definition in anything below the waist (and that too, no snickering in the back row). I picture the dragon winning as Conan topples over from being so top-heavy. The dragon does seem to be peering at the lower body for … reasons.
But he’s also got kind of an hourglass figure. And that sword must smack him in the butt whenever he runs, which he may enjoy.
December 6th, 2020 at 9:53 pm
Includes the classic “Conan gets real swole and fights a dragon or something!”
December 6th, 2020 at 10:26 pm
Maybe we’ve got it all wrong.
Maybe the dragon is a judge at the Mr. Cimmeria pageant, and is inspecting Conan’s previously-mentioned legs. “Your Spear Pose is good, Mr. the Barbarian, but your leg definition is lacking..”
December 7th, 2020 at 12:49 am
@GSS ex-noob: well, that does explain why he’s holding the spear not as throwing weapon but as if he’s trying to impress the dragon with his spear-bending abilities or perhaps challenging the dragon to a Robin Hood-vs-Little John type stick fight.
(Wait a mo. Is the stick going _behind_ his head? I don’t think that works in terms of perspective – we have a code Escher, repeat, we have an Escher).
December 7th, 2020 at 2:56 am
Is that a jaunty hip I spy, or is Mr. the Barbarian’s right hip being melted by the presence of spiky-ice-dragon?
December 7th, 2020 at 6:42 am
@Hammy: I think he’s suffering from the overall effects of the Code Escher. Hard to tell with the furry half-loincloth, sword, bag, and spear pulling him at all those angles.
@Bruce: I can picture having the spear behind his head for a beefcake pose. but not with his hands in that position. Unless he’s bent the spear to show how swole he is?