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Mar 03

Ah! The great wizard Merv.. usually found round the back of Tescos drinking Buckfast!Click for full image

Many thanks to E! You might remember this from here.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.58 out of 10)
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26 Responses to “Riddle of the Seven Realms”

  1. SI Says:

    It’s behind you! Oh no it… sorry…

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    Billy Connolly’s World Tour of The Netherworld?

  3. Tom Noir Says:

    So… is that the ‘lady wizard’?

  4. Lulu Says:

    Maybe it’s the ‘con man’… or the demon. Really, it could be all three. Maybe that’s what they meant by “join forces”?

  5. Amy Says:

    What the fuck is Billy Connolly going in his Deluxe Snuggie? Watch out, Billy, there are three Republicans behind you!

  6. Amy Says:

    That was nonsensical. I meant “Where”! Tumbeasts in me keyboard…

  7. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Billy Connolly: “So I was on this comedy gig in the Seven Realms, and I went looking for the local pub, when a bunch o’ crazy demons show up. ‘Give us yer soul!’ they say. And I look at them and say ‘F*** this!’…”

  8. Zycrow Says:

    “Which backdrop are you using? It’s the one with the lasers, isn’t it?”

    “Um, yeah…just…say cheese.”

  9. Adam Roberts Says:

    Is he standing on top of a gigantic Easter egg? That really is the piece de resistance.

  10. Dalton H. Says:

    Welcome to Reading Rainbow! Today in our ongoing bad fantasy series…

  11. Tim Says:

    Ronnie James Dio returns from the dead! Minus his Just For Men.

  12. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Riddle of the Seven Realms: ‘Why did the conjuror put on an ear of maize for his summoning ritual?’

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Oh my. Somehow I missed this one in my trawl through the archives.

    That’s definitely Billy Connolly in a Deluxe Snuggie, standing on a giant Easter egg.

    I think the demons are recoiling in horror about being on this cover. Nowt to do with the Big Yin’s walking stick.

    The link, sadly like so many older ones, is broken, but I looked at all the covers on Goodreads and they’re all horrible. The reviewers, by the way, said this was the worst of the series, the female characters are cardboard, and simply “Meh.”

  14. Tor Mented Says:

    A demon, a wizard and a conman walk into a bar.
    The wizard says, “It’s sexist to have to specify ‘lady’ wizard, like there aren’t any female wizards.”
    “You want sexist, try the word ‘conman,’ says the conman.
    “I thought a lady wizard was a witch,” says the demon, and Billy Connolly orders a Drunk Witch.
    “Didn’t Lovecraft write the Drunk Witch Order?” asks the conman, and the joke has officially gone on too long.

  15. fred Says:

    I guess calling her a ‘wizardess’ would heve thrown the carefully constructed symmetry of the blurb into chaos.

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tor: Connelly drinking intensifies

  17. Bruce A Munro Says:

    In the scene illustrated, the conman is forced to pass himself off as the female wizard after raiding his mom’s wardrobe.

    @Tor: I think female wizards = witches is a Harry Potter thing? Traditionally (in European Christian thinking at least) witches are magicians whose powers come from working with Satan, and a male witch is a warlock. [1] Sorceress perhaps?

    Ten points to Gryffindor, in any case.

    [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warlock_(1989_film)

  18. Emster Says:

    Anyone else getting an early Star Trek TNG Ferengi vibe from the guys in the back? Seems to be an awful lot of needless posing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmvcvmwTjck

  19. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Emster: my first thought was “Demonic Cirque du Soleil”

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: My first thought was “Interpretive Dance!” But yours is better.

    Pretty sure I saw those guys in Vegas once.

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    My first thought was “Who stole the wizard’s lower legs?”
    My second thought was “It’s the Sid Dithers of wizards!”

    GSS to this whole historical thread!

  22. Ryan Says:

    I’m Benjamin Franklin, and I’m here to sign the Declaration of Independence and worship Satan! Who wants to go for a ride on my egg?

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    The blurb says “lady wizard”, but we all seem to agree the face looks very male, and there’s no sign of devil’s dumplings.

    I don’t think there were a lot of trans or intersex characters in MMPB back then, and Rowena certainly could draw unambiguous male and female characters.

    So perhaps it’s magick?

    Or perhaps they simply didn’t tell Rowena it was supposed to be a lady wizard, and she opted for androgynous.

  24. JJYoyo Says:

    @Tag Wizard – may I request an “interpretive dance” tag for the demonic beings in the background?

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @TW: As I already mentioned, and as Bruce alluded to, I heartily second @JJYoyo’s suggestion.

  26. JJYoyo Says:

    @GSSxN: Sorry, I didn’t read the thread carefully. Indeed you called for Interpretive Dance before me. So I second your motion!

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