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Feb 14

Darling, I understand why you are killing giant mutant ants... but why did you have to strip down to your underwear to do it?Click for full image

Frank Comments: Another work re-issued with new title and new cover. There was a previous publication of it as “The Radio Man” in 1924.
Published 1950

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.60 out of 10)
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42 Responses to “An Earth Man on Venus”

  1. Adam Roberts Says:

    Venus seems very …. orange.

  2. Phil Says:

    Wait a minute… that damsel has antennae… and fairy wings. That’s no lady, that’s a fairy godmother! Where’s her magic wand?

    I do think that, in the interests of both decency and equality, the hunk’s man-boobs should be space-sheeped.

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    “For heaven’s sake, dear, he just wanted to borrow a cup of sugar!”

  4. Tat Wood Says:

    Loving the fourth-wall-breaking look of disbelief: either she can’t remember signing a contract to be in a book this idiotic or it’s just that he had that dagger on him somehow, despite those brief briefs.

  5. SI Says:

    “Welcome to Venus neighbour. I want to …AHHHHHH!”

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Phil: with a skirt like that? Where do you think??? 🙂

    Although, look at the foreshortening problem with her right arm. Maybe she can’t reach her wand.

  7. Tom Noir Says:

    She’s excited because she’s just realized that the lighter gravity on this world means that she can lift and separate without special undergarments!

  8. FearofMusic Says:

    Return of the Radio Beasts! Again with the ants Mr. Farley? I don’t care when this was written. If ants are the best idea for a monster you can come up with (repeatedly) the author should be stripped to his tidy whities and forced to battle giant ants for all eternity in the hell of hack writers. Minus the buxom babe.

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    Four-legged ant man, from hell’s heart I stab at thee!

  10. Ewan Says:

    Those wings are in entirely the wrong place for her? They must belong to Fairy-Johnny-Weissmuller…

  11. FearofMusic Says:

    Return of the Radio Beasts! Again with the ants Mr. Farley? Really? I don’t care when this was written. If ants are the best monster you can come up with (repeatedly) the author should be forced to battle giant bugs in his tidy whities for all eternity in the Hell of the Hack Writer. Minus the buxom gal.

  12. Rags Says:

    Judging by the skimpy attire, Venus is a heck of a fun place….minus the giant ants….who…walk upright for some unknown reason….

  13. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    Oh boy, looks like yet another alien world where the females of the dominant species look uncannily like attractive earth women.

    At least we assume they’re the females…

  14. FearofMusic Says:

    Curses on my wonky wifi. Another unintended double post. The internet gods mock me again.

  15. fred Says:

    This cover needs the SNL killer bees. And some theremin music.

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    If I were a character on The Big Bang Theory, I’d lecture you about the scientific implausibility of a four-legged ant, or how it would be unable to use its trachea to breathe…

    …while ignoring the big picture: the cover MADE YOU LOOK, DIDN’T IT! ;-P

  17. Rich Says:

    “He dared challenge it’s monster ruler” Oh god how long is that ruler then? Is it all one piece or is it one of those hinged ones? I have a 1 meter ruler, I thought that quite large, but it sure ain’t “Monster”. I’m feeling all inadequate in the ruler dept. right now. Please somebody, how big a ruler do I need for it to be monster?

  18. Phil Says:

    “Complete and unabridged”. In case you were thinking this was that awful truncated, incomplete version.

  19. Stevie T Says:

    We certainly seem to be getting a lot of traction out of Farley’s “Radio Man” series…

    http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/2012/11/the-radio-beasts-2/
    http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/2012/06/the-radio-beasts/

  20. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I guess on Venus the ants have teeth instead of mouth-pincers?

    Also, I wonder if the lady was ugly when she was a caterpillar…

  21. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    True! Venusian (Cytherean? Venereal?) ants are toothy beasts.

  22. Georgios Says:

    I protest, the cover is incomplete and abridged. What am I saying, it’s censored!

  23. Tom Noir Says:

    You ever have that dream where you’re on Venus, trying to impress the girl by fending off ant men, and then you realize you’re only wearing your tighty whiteys?

  24. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “The buxom blonde insect-girl threw her arms him, thanking him for rescuing her life… then she bit off his head and mated with the still-twitching body, then laid her eggs in his corpse and waited for her youngs to hatch so they could feed on the Earthling flesh…”

    Ain’t sci-fi grand? ;-P

  25. Perry Armstrong Says:

    This is what ‘Doctor Who: The Web Planet’ might look like if you’re watching it sufficiently high.

    Man, I had no idea Ian was so RIPPED!

  26. Tat Wood Says:

    @ Perry Armstrong: Nobody has got high enough to watch ‘The Web Planet’ and lived. I once had a tooth out under anaesthetic and thought that Episode Six dubbed into Spanish was a good idea..

  27. THX 1138 Says:

    “PHASE V, MOTHERFU – oh, please accept my apologies, that sort of language hasn’t been invented yet.”

  28. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Birmingham, Alabama: an 11-years-old Edward O. Wilson sees this cover and experiences stirrings of a new and different kind…

  29. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @DSWithBT—Those stirrings are probably caused by Venusian mutant ant pheromones coming right off the cover and transforming their ant bodies, in his young and impressionable mind, to the antennaed babe on radioman’s left.

  30. B. Chiclitz Says:

    And then young Wilson ponders: “Hey, why do Venusian ants have only four legs?”

  31. Bibliomancer Says:

    He’s The Radio Man. He’s radioing the sh*t out that monster ant.

  32. JuanPaul Says:

    This is so typical. Earth man shows up and decides he knows what’s best for a planet he knows nothing about. Sees peril everywhere and calls the ant ruler a monster, despite the fact that he had a pretty good approval rating. Turns out it’s all about the women. Earth needs women.

  33. fred Says:

    Change radio to Walkman, photo shop the heads and you instantly have a pricey limited edition GOTG collectible blacklight poster.

  34. Raoul Says:

    The original cover is much more realistic. Horizontal ant with mandibles. Antennae woman in a sensible skirt.

  35. Bibliomancer Says:

    Back in the day a “Radio Man” was important and respected!
    Now he’s some pimple-faced geek selling you cell-phones at the mall Radio Shack.

  36. Alice Says:

    You can read “The Radio Man” free at Project Gutenberg:

    https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/52167

  37. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    …but SHOULD you??? That ‘read it free online’ nonsense is how we got Dick Blade all over the place. 😉

  38. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’d like to see Radio Man vs. Dick Blade.

  39. infoqueen Says:

    I find myself wondering if the surprised look on her face and the fact you can’t see his left hand are in any way related…

  40. Francis Boyle Says:

    @GSS ex-noob

    Considering what Radio man is doing with his blade you probably don’t. Well, not unless you’re really into that sort of thing.

  41. A.R.Yngve Says:

    It has been said that SF is the genre where you can get away with things… in the case of this book, getting away with some really stupid sh*t.

  42. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    To save everyone time, I’ve used Microsoft Word’s AutoSummarise feature on the e-text:

    Happy thought! Ants, six-footed and six feet high. “Doggo, Doggo!” Strange! The unpleasant ant-man departed, and Doggo placed himself on guard in the doorway. “What need have ants of a bed?” The same strange ant-man was standing guard at the door. After breakfast Doggo took his turn as guard. Just then Doggo ushered into the room, with great deference, four ant-men slightly smaller than himself, but more refined looking than he, if one can appreciate such differences among ants. On page one was a picture of an ant-man. An ant-man. This is an ant-man.” “Ant-man. The ant-man. I see the ant-man. The ant-man sees me.” The beautiful Cupian was evidently, like the ant-men, devoid of hearing. Apparently she lived here in the ant city, and so undoubtedly understood the ant language. Radio! Perhaps Doggo could enlighten me. “Doggo,” wrote I, only I called him by his number, 334-2-18, instead of Doggo, “can ant-men and Cupians communicate in any way other than writing?” At the head table stood the president of the ant university, the committee of four ant-men who had examined me so often, the ant professor of electricity, a visiting Cupian professor, Doggo, and myself. Doggo opened the conversation. The driver was a lone ant-man. The beautiful Cupian?”

    9

    The idea was for Yuri to return to Cupia, as that would make the ant-men less suspicious. I seized Lilla by the hand. “I am a princess.” “The Royal Husbands,” Doggo informed me. Doggo growled. Doggo was deeply touched by grief. “Lilla! Lilla!” Life on Poros was ahead of me, and Poros held the Princess Lilla! Bide your time. Yuri scowled. “It was Prince Yuri,” he replied. “Poblath,” I declared, “Yuri did not rescue the princess. No word from Princess Lilla. No word from King Kew. Spoken like a king!” Doggo had not been invited. Bthuh! “Your princess, it is always your princess! Yuri, undoubtedly. The fact that he was an ant-man confirmed my suspicions of Yuri. One lone ant-man is no match for a woofus. The ant-man stood for a moment astounded, and then wheeled around. “Go away, dead man,” he begged. I did hire the ant-man to assassinate you. The ant-man lost me in the fog. Earth-man!” Could the Princess Lilla love a commoner?” ““Are you men or slaves? The king turned to me. I seized the phones and shouted: “Then forward into ant land, for Cupia, King Kew, and Princess Lilla!” An ant-man exploded. The Princess Lilla has been missing since morning. My princess is dead! Turning angrily. Kerkools were patrolling all the roads, shooting ant-men at sight. The numbers of all dead ant-men were taken and turned in, but Doggo’s number was not among them. Ant-men were forbidden to carry arms or to enter Cupia, and all their airships were confiscated.

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