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Aug 28

GAHHHHH give me back Dave from accounting or I will kill you!Click for full image

So with a title like this, one has to be careful. I was thinking of a sweeping landscape and a storm brewing on the horizon. Silhouetted over the coming clouds and setting sun would be some hands in chains and…… Sorry? You just want busty sword welding chicks and a chained male. Ha! Who would approve that?

(Slightly breaks our rules as this is probably comedy – but it is another bank holiday weekend for UK readers! Have fun!)

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.33 out of 10)
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22 Responses to “Chicks ‘n Chained Males”

  1. Roses Says:

    You’d think the blonde would be a little more concerned, and less smug with the brunette wielding her sword so menacingly…

    But hey, I suppose if she’s already got the man chained to the post…

    Perhaps that’s where I’ve been going wrong all these years?

  2. JustinLeego Says:

    Chicks in Chainmail series, edited by Esther Friesner:

    * Chicks in Chainmail
    * Did You Say Chicks?!
    * Chicks ‘n Chained Males
    * The Chick is in the Mail
    * Turn the Other Chick

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. CSA Says:

    good lord.

    aparently they dont need any armour, except from their knees down… and whats that i see… shoulder pads? They’ll keep her safe.

    Its hard to make fun of a book thats clearly comedy… but i’ll still try ๐Ÿ˜‰
    1. I love that the author is too ashamed to even have their name on the book, only edited by credits on the cover.
    2. Atleast 4 distinct fonts on the cover. Awesome

    Roses, i think the key thing is to wear shoulder pads… I can tell you guys love them. the bikini and thong are vastly over-rated, just wear what u normally do, but add massive (and i mean massive) shoulder pads… that will definately get some attention…

  4. SI Says:

    I do love that the guy looks so normal.

    Shoulder pads are definatly the new IN thing ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. SI Says:

    AND… so who did write this?

    Roses, you definatly need to shoulder pad yourself up, grab some sort of battle axe and get out on the streets to grab yerself a man! It’s the modern way… according to the interMAnet.

  6. Roses Says:

    Right, thanks for your excellent dressing advice…shoulder pads it is.

    Umm…so what about the tin bra and thong? Should I keep them anyway? and the stiletto thigh length boots?

  7. CSA Says:

    They certainly won’t do any harm, try to get get a head band of some description too.

    And you know what they say about jobs, “its easier to get a new one if you already have one”, its true here too. Advertise on craigslist to see if anyone will follow you arround in a collar and chain for a few days then you’ll literally have to fight people off you (girls too), which is what seems to be happening on the cover of this book stangely enough…

  8. Ugotpwn3d Says:

    Strangely enough I doubt you would find any shortage of men on craigslist willing to follow you around in a chain collar!

    That scares me a bit….

  9. Susano Says:

    Larry Elmore for the win!

    He pretty much specializes in this sort of thing. You should see some of his Dragonlance stuff. Oh, and the cover the Fantasy Hero Companion Volume 1….

  10. SI Says:

    Nice!

    I should have realised… after all, possibly having some dragonlance books *coughs* Uh oh I mentioned that out loud didn’t I.

  11. Ben Says:

    IMO, “Politically Correct” trash…

    Don’t get me wrong, I actually have much of this series, there was one real good author in there, the stories later collected in “Mathemagics” titled book. About a lady from a “Fantasy” universe finding a way to transport to the “Real” universe. So she “Works” in the stereotypical RPG stuff (slaying orcs, duels, etc.) but then runs back to the “Safer but more boring” real world to raise her daughters, and gold goes a lot farther… The title comes from that the “Magick” system in the fantasy was connected to Mathematics and her daughter’s Math Teacher ended up becoming a great wizard since he could rationally use the formula and knew math and how to calculate better than the native wizards.

    The rest of the stories… IMO, they just wanted to bury the “Gor” zombie long after it hadn’t been published in a decade. Have heroic WOMEN as the barbarians rather than what the barbarian carries off to ravage, that’s “PC” for you.

  12. Bookworm Bas Says:

    Word : )

  13. Tat Wood Says:

    I can see why the people who commented above haven’t been back lately.

    Odd that something from twenty years ago seems so ancient. It looks like it’s from fifteen years before that (when Sam Fox was still making records).

  14. Francis Boyle Says:

    Ok, so the woman on the left is doing the “show the reader my breasts and buttocks simultaneously” thing, but what’s going on with her head. Has she put too much strain on her body and snapped her neck. Or is she just a trouble* of tribbles in a skin suit.

    *I assume that’s the correct collective noun.

  15. fred Says:

    ‘The Chick is in the Mail’ for the win,

    http://lcrazzy1.narod.ru/image/fantasy/larry_elmore/Elmore_Larry_117_The_Chick_Is_In_The_Mail.jpg

  16. Tat Wood Says:

    @Francis: Maybe her wig’s slipped and is covering her face. Or maybe she wears her hair like Cousin It.

  17. Bruce A Munro Says:

    The experienced Bikini Barbarian hunter knows all you have to do is stake out an Average Joe in the woods and wait: they will come, they will come…

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    This is one of the few books I’ll buy from this publisher — the stories are generally funny and clever, and the authors and editor do proofread them so they aren’t littered with typos and such like their usual offerings. Also, not so much with the bimbos and automatic weapons.

    With these covers, of course, I do not read them on the bus.

    @Tat: Your explanations are the only hope for her pose to make sense. I think her wig’s slipped; thus the confident smile on the blonde.

  19. THX 1139 Says:

    This is what happens when the office gets tired of paintballing weekends.

  20. JuanPaul Says:

    These look like d&d figurines painted by a way too enthusiastic nerd. Represented here by Dave from Accounting.

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Ha! Your cheap breast-buttock contortion tricks are pathetic. Plus your wig has slid over your face. I show my complete disdain for you as well as my confidence that Dave here is all mine, through the angle of myโ€”veryโ€” jaunty hip!”

  22. GSS ex-noob Says:

    One would think that ladies of this pneumatic build and way with weapons could do so much better than Dave.

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