Sep 07
Click for full imageTrench coats are really in, so I want a big leather one in there on a guy who looks like he’s right out of Top Gun. Have him walking along with his dog, his shirt tucked neatly into his jeans, carrying a magic sword and the typical explosions in the background. Who’s he kissing? Uh..I guess the dog.
(Average: 5.89 out of 10)
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September 7th, 2009 at 10:59 am
those type of covers arent as bad as the bright, dragon infested crapfests. But the cheesey poses such as the one above still make me laugh.
the background is confusing me, it looks like an explosion in background but i think its just a bright blurry thing because the artist couldnt be bothered doing a proper background. note the horses and the windmill concealed in the bright blur
September 7th, 2009 at 11:36 am
haha I didn’t see the horses. Excellent.
Why when people surivie the end of the world do they always manage to keep a friggin dog. For food?
September 7th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I think if the apocalypse was about to happen then I would be looking for a little more then a kiss.
I have to say I kinda of prefer the dragons and stuff to these kind of covers, there’s something so achingly pretentious about them. I think its the tendancy to have the hero in black looking all rugged and slightly constipated with a sword while his dog, which no doubt belonged to his ex-wife and 2 blonde kids, stays heriocally by his side to remind him always of what he once had but are now lost to him!
I could go on but will spare you…anyway…I think the background is the 4 horseman of the aforementioned apocalypse galloping across the hills, not sure what the windmill is about. Maybe he likes baking.
September 7th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
OK! We’ll have more dragons tomorrow then 😛
I think this is the last cheesy love esk picture I have, thankfully haha.
And yea little mi, I’d be looking for way more! A back rub… possibly some sort of gaming console to pass the time too.
April 21st, 2013 at 1:05 pm
‘Scratchies before the apocalypse? Huh? Big scratchies? How about a chew bone, huh? Can I get a chew bone before the apocalypse? Hm? Whaddaya say?…
‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT PEANUT BUTTER???’
April 21st, 2013 at 3:31 pm
Hey… what is all this about people “surviving the apocalypse”? This isn’t post-apocalyptic, it’s clearly urban fantasy. You can tell because the hero has a sword *and* a trench coat.
April 21st, 2013 at 9:30 pm
– A KISS BEFORE THE BIEBER CONCERT
– A QUICKIE BEFORE THE APOCALYPSE
– A BEER AND PRETZELS BEFORE THE APOCALYPSE
April 22nd, 2013 at 8:16 am
I like to think that’s actually the photographers dog… he just jumped into shot at the last moment and thought it looked pretty good.
April 22nd, 2013 at 11:32 am
Whaddya mean, a kiss a-before I pucker da-lips?
Sorry, been watching too many Marx Bros movies.
April 22nd, 2013 at 12:44 pm
@AR: Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps before the apocalypse? With Ralf Little as the dog?
June 21st, 2013 at 1:20 am
For someone in the midst of armageddon his personal grooming habits seem, oh, I don’t know, pointless? If you come across any other survivors, I don’t think neatly shaved and perfectly coiffed are gonna count for that much. And where, as the world is ending, do you come up with a sword like that?
And, dear God man!! BEHIND YOU!! A dog! Fresh meat!
And a bunch of stuff going boom too. More importantly, fresh meat!!
June 21st, 2013 at 1:32 am
And with that first name, you know some crazed post-apocalyptic mutant is gonna rip off his head to see if he’s filled with cognac.
June 21st, 2013 at 4:49 am
That quote on the cover’s nicely ambiguous, isn’t it? “The most inventive novel YOU’LL buy this year. (Not that that’s saying much.)â€
I also like how anxious the cover is to make sure we realise that this is A Remy Chandler Novel Featuring Remy Chandler. Apparently stating the hero’s name in just one place wasn’t enough.
June 21st, 2013 at 5:51 am
Oh, but as for the sword– I think the scenario is pretty clear. While Remy was busy making sure he had a decent supply of the bare necessities for survival in a grim, post-apocalyptic world (hair-clippers, safety-razor, gel, aftershave, shampoo, conditioner, skin-toner, moisturiser etc., etc., etc.) the crazed mutants got hold of all the firearms, so he had to make do with raiding a museum. He looks pretty confident though. Must be counting on having the last laugh when the mutants finally run out of ammo.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:35 pm
Well, I assume he’s just back from getting his groove on for the hot Dancing on the Head of a Pin cover shoot. They just hung a coat on him, buttoned up his shirt and pushed a sword into his hand.
By the way: font problems alert. A KIss BEfOrE thE ApOcAlYpsE?
June 22nd, 2013 at 9:43 pm
@Rachel J: The mutants may run out of ammo, but they are unlikely to run out of nice big rocks to chuck at Cognac Boy. Unlike the chaps who originally used the sword he pinched from the museum, our man is unarmored and therefore vulnerable to pretty much any kind of improvised missile weapon.
Sorry Post Urbanolyptica writers. The sword may look cool on the cover, but your hero is gonna end up mutant chow if that’s the main weapon you’re gonna give him/her.
November 19th, 2013 at 1:29 am
@Tag Wizard — another fellow “casually walking away from an explosion.”
Seems to be a lot of them around here.
November 19th, 2013 at 10:27 am
Thanks B!
January 21st, 2017 at 11:10 pm
What’s with the shiny-swishy-swoopy thing around his sword?
For some reason, that bothers me the most.
June 25th, 2017 at 6:07 am
@GSS noob:
Ting-in-Action?
June 25th, 2017 at 4:51 pm
This whole book is about one kiss?
Must be a hell of a snog.
June 25th, 2017 at 11:57 pm
@Tom: many years ago at university, I was discussing the Aeneid with a classics major. She could hardly believe that Vulcan agreed to make Aeneas armour in exchange for Venus giving him six kisses and a frenchie. I pointed out that she was the goddess of love, so they must’ve been pretty good ones.
My point being, merely, that there’s a precedent in the classical literary world.
June 27th, 2017 at 12:04 am
Action Ting!
@DSWBT: that would probably be the only thing this has in common with the Aeneid. Other than a male hero. With a sword. I’ll come in again…
And this is only one kiss! But I guess you have less free time BEfOrE thE ApOcAlYpsE.
June 28th, 2017 at 11:10 am
@GSS ex-noob. wHaT? mOCk tHe TyPOgRaPHy, wILL yOu? tHiS iS a pERfeCt ChOIcE oF FOnT! yoU cAn SeE THe aPOcALySe iS eVEn HApPeNniNG To ThE tITLe!
June 29th, 2017 at 5:21 am
i WAs foLLoWinG jaOUaD!
August 17th, 2020 at 11:29 pm
Maybe it’s a typo.
Maybe he really had to go.
But he couldn’t find a po.
So he wet himself.
Am I right, or am I right?