Good Show Sir

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Libraryman Comments: “Not tonight Peter. I have a headache.”
Published 1987

Many thanks to Libraryman!

(Average: 8.00 out of 10)

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Libraryman comments: This cover has it all!

• Large centipede monster: check
• Flying Manta Rays: check
• Improbable mouths: check
• Pink foliage: check
• Big head Charles Bronson babysitting two “special” people : You better believe a check!

Published 1985 (maybe)

Many thanks to Libraryman!

(Average: 8.00 out of 10)

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Glen Comments: It’s a naked man, holding a ray gun, being chased by dogs controlled by evil alien parasites from Titan, which agrees with the plot of Heinlein’s book. But why the red trilby hat? You would think that boots be more useful than a red hat, if you’re in an unclothed state on a hillside…
Published 1969

Males bums don’t need censored, right?
Many thanks to Glen!

(Average: 8.43 out of 10)

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Anders Art Direction: A pack of profoundly stoned giant proboscis monkeys in a garden! Nails in his nostrils! Both of them! Wha’? The cover? Knights and princesses and shit. You know, the usual.
Published 2002

Many thanks to Ander!

(Average: 6.34 out of 10)

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Lauren Comments: The colors on this are just so awful. And spike heels? But at least she’s not in a fur bikini. Although he appears to be having some wardrobe malfunction with his shirt.

At least he doesn’t have a mullet!
Thanks to Lauren!

(Average: 5.09 out of 10)

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Most covers only hint at cleavage. Where we will succeed will be in the tactic of placing an actual topless women on the cover! Riding horse back along an alien desert. Oh, and she is being lead by a sort of Apache Indian bloke with an extremely long sword. And yes, I mean a literal sword.

Thanks to Craig!

(Average: 6.57 out of 10)

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I’m not one to stray from tradition. I’m talking about a dragon in the background, as black as…. uh… AC/DC? Peering at our antagonist will be a huge white wolf and her damsel companion holding the tiniest of flames. Remember, I am also talking traditional proportions here, so make sure nothing is sized relative to anything else. Now who’s up for some Hells’ Bells?

(Average: 6.55 out of 10)

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Right, we’re in a recession, we need a cover that sells! Hmm, all black cover? You, sir, are fired! We need exploding cities in the midst of being attacked. A woman in a yellow and black striped catsuit, no wait… an alien woman! She can be holding a dagger while she peers into the foreground, completely ignoring the chaos behind her. If that doesn’t sell I’ll jump right out that window.

(Average: 7.14 out of 10)

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Pictures cannot describe the shine I want on this cover. Eyes will turn and minds will be altered. I want… NO… I need a guy floating in the air in the ol’ Jesus cross pose having left behind a dimensional portal. Have some dude popping out only to find a sexy women in knee highs and a tight leather dress. It’s just like those magic shows……

(Average: 8.41 out of 10)

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Two words for you…. pirates vs kinky police officers. Well you know what I mean! Have the officers in long knee highs and holding a large batons. Have a large magic beam hitting a stereotypical pirate in the chest and him grimacing in pain. It’s almost too perfect.

(Average: 6.20 out of 10)

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