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Nov 06

That awkward moment when meeting your lizard ex-girlfriend on your way to work.Click for full image

Billy Awesome’s Art Direction: This cover needs a reptilian lady of the night and her pimp, and a pixie-hatted space businessman.  Oh, and something something time travel, so put a couple of proper Victorians and one of those tricorn hat guys in there somewhere.  Tie it all together with an orange Creamsicle theme.
Published 1977

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.90 out of 10)
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19 Responses to “The Panchronicon Plot”

  1. SI Says:

    “Man in a top hat… kid with knife… cowboy shootng up the place… a couple of oddly sexual lizard people…. I gotta stop taking public transport.”

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The time-travellin’ gent’s…er…endowment…seems to be…ah…on display.

    Some things cannot be unseen.

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    So that’s where the little man who tells us it’s safe to cross on the traffic signs goes on holiday.

  4. Bibliomancer Says:

    Time Hoppin’ into Washington D.C.
    Bringin’ in a couple of keys
    Don’t touch my bag if you please
    Mr. Lizard Man

  5. L.B. Says:

    “Hello, did you lovelies know you can save 15% if you switch to Geico?”

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    The time hopper clearly is not aware that his phone booth teleporter is hovering about a foot off the ground, and you can tell by the stiff-legged exit that a somewhat awkward tumble right into the lizard strumpet is about to occur.

  7. Perry Armstrong Says:

    By the 23rd century, Jurassic World’s DNA-splicing legacy continues apace.

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    A fault on the Chameleon Circuit means that this TARDIS looks like a giant chrome version of the Pez-dispenser released to tie in to the big-screen adaptation of ‘RX For Chaos’.

  9. fred Says:

    ‘VP Runningwater is also running around with a lady with android boobs. She uses them as stunguns, among other things, but really that part of the story doesn’t go much anywhere. Nor does most of the rest of the book.’

    I’m sure a BAEN cover would make you think that part of the story goes everywhere.
    http://schlock-value.com/2014/02/09/the-panchronicon-plot/

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @fred: This is the counterargument to the old chestnut, ‘Well, the scene appears in the book!’ Transvestite lizards from Venus appear in this book, should they be the focus of the cover???

  11. Anna T. Says:

    @Tat Wood: *laughing too hard at comment to think up a snarky response*

    That’s just what I was thinking!

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    It just hit me: Any book cover showing “commuters” from the immediate present to the near future must include people who look down on their smartphones (or near-future equivalents of smartphones). Or at least use them for phonecalls.

    Name ONE SF book cover from 1980-2015 that shows a single commuter using a cellular phone or similar gadget in a casual, everyone’s-got-one fashion…

  13. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @A.R.Yngve: Interesting point, and even haters of Star Trek gotta admit the 60s series got personal communication devices pretty much right. Compare and contrast to Lost in Space, in which every weird phenomenon had to be reported by… running back to the ship!

    Then there’s the most prescient example of all, with Get Smart’s eerily accurate prediction of phones obnoxiously going off in the theatre…

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    @Perry Armstrong: do these count?
    http://people.uncw.edu/smithms/D-series/D-345a.jpg or the one on the right here http://people.uncw.edu/smithms/D-series/D-331.jpg

  15. Perry Armstrong Says:

    The time-nappers of Washington D.C. instructed pixie hat guy to leave the ransom-containing suitcase near the lizard-hooker, and, only then, would time be released from captivity.

  16. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @Tat Wood: at the very least, they count as GSS worthy covers!

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Still, this scene ain’t half as weird as a regular cosplay convention…

  18. JuanPaul Says:

    “This is the world liberals would like to see.”

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I don’t think Billy’s art direction was followed — I’m only seeing tricorn hat guy, one Victorian, and a cowboy.

    Fairly sure I have seen those lizards at some cosplay event, or at least photos of them. Whether they were cosplaying an obscure old book cover or just spontaneously decided a blonde hooker lizard was the thing to be, who knows.

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