May 30
GSS ex-noob Comments: Tank menaces toddler with a big gun turret! Of course the toddler has a gun too, we’re BAEN. Nah, the fonts don’t matter.
[I took your suggestion, Ms Xnob, and replaced your original with a shiny new internet grab. — T. Wizard]
Published 2004
May 30th, 2018 at 11:06 am
Chuck Norris: The Kindergarten Years.
May 30th, 2018 at 11:08 am
What is the beloved star of TV’s Dynasty being called in the tagline?
May 30th, 2018 at 2:17 pm
The Road to Damascus is paved with the hulks of bolo babysitters.
May 30th, 2018 at 2:17 pm
So shiny! So chrome!
May 30th, 2018 at 2:55 pm
The new road to Damascus is going right through your house, kid.
May 30th, 2018 at 3:43 pm
You hear? Come on!
I take you all to fucking hell!
Who you think you fucking with?
I’m Tony Montana!
You fuck with me,
you fucking with the best!
(Multiple gunshots)
I’m still standing
Come on! I take your fucking bullet!
You think you kill me with bullets?
I take your fucking bullets! Go ahead!
May 30th, 2018 at 4:44 pm
And as with pretty much all weird Baen covers, it’s honest. The Bolo having its crisis of faith may not be right up on the doorstep like this, but it does find itself confronted by a child with a toy gun.
May 30th, 2018 at 5:29 pm
Reflections don’t work like that. Also notice a portrait of the painter’s pet kitty at the far right center.
May 30th, 2018 at 7:28 pm
Just noticed the evil child has wasted three soldiers already. Should I be rooting for the tank?
May 31st, 2018 at 1:38 am
@Tag W: Thanks! (But don’t I have a tag?) Puss in Boots look
I was thinking a few days ago that we hadn’t had any BAEN!pew pew orange font abuse in quite some time and was hoping to see some soon, whether my submissions or anyone else’s.
@THX: I hope the beloved star of TV’s Dynasty sued whoever this “author” is for bringing disrepute to the name. Mud wrestling with Joan Collins is fine; writing a book with OH JOHN RINGO NO is quite beyond the pale.
@Tor: Is that Orson the cat? He’s been on a lot of covers, and is usually the best thing about them.
@B’mancer: I am absolutely rooting for the tank. It should run right over the evil child and on through the house and track down any relatives of this kid and get rid of them too.
Presumably the boy was intended to be heroic? I only noticed he was 1) creepy and 2) uber-macho-Aryan.
Does BAEN!explosions and overcompensation get a discount on orange ink? Do they get it free with all the terrible fonts they use, as part of a package deal on cover stuff rejected by all the other publishers?
Eh, it’s not like this is happening in this universe. Those reflections are completely impossible with the way light behaves in ours. Apparently Mr. Mattingly skipped those classes at UAI, or else they don’t teach it there. But in MY house, we obey the laws of physics, mister.
May 31st, 2018 at 1:45 am
Hey, just noticed the “bear-wielding” tag. Delightful. I feel like there must be other instances of this, but I never have figured out how to get any search working here.
May 31st, 2018 at 2:37 am
@GSSxN – Yes you have a tag but you only get to use it when YOU are in the picture. Else I’d have to give all you clowns your own tag.
May 31st, 2018 at 3:10 am
@Tag Wizard (#12) –
I diffidently point out that there already is a “clown” tag, as displayed on this classic
http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/?p=10516
as well as a “clowns” tag
http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/?p=11886
May 31st, 2018 at 3:29 am
@Hammy – You da clown
May 31st, 2018 at 4:42 am
If this is how they re-imagine Sendak, I dread to imagine how they’d do the Gruffalo.
May 31st, 2018 at 10:26 pm
And who the heck wrote this? John Ringo? Linda Evans? Keith Laumer? I’m very confused!
May 31st, 2018 at 10:56 pm
@Tor Mented
Too funny, I just noticed a hidden cat head in another of Mattingly’s covers, The Privateer by S.M. Stirling. It makes me wonder how many others might be hidden in his paintings.
June 1st, 2018 at 12:34 am
@TW: I forgot. I suspect I’ll never be in another photo. Of course, I didn’t expect to be in the ones I was, so…
@Ashley (16): I suspect it was written by Linda Evans, from an outline and some sexist suggestions by OH JOHN RINGO NO, based on the decent original idea/series by Keith Laumer, said idea dumbed down and made tackier by OH JOHN RINGO NO. That’s how these things usually go, with that sort of billing.
June 1st, 2018 at 3:22 am
@TagWizard (#14)
You know, I hear that a lot…. 😉
June 1st, 2018 at 5:21 am
@Yoss (#17) Yes, I definitely see the cat now. Although it looks like Mattingly might have tried to tone it down a bit after Baen caught him trying to sneak it in.
June 3rd, 2018 at 4:49 am
Basically the polar opposite of this book, I show you The Mermaid Menace, Part Whatever:
https://www.amazon.com/Mermaids-Vampires-Who-Love-Them/dp/B075LWLQ15/ref=la_B01DYQTYLC_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1527997427&sr=1-5
Yes. ALL the critters with each other. In high school.
June 3rd, 2018 at 11:59 am
Jeez, and I thought a lady with three boobs was weird!
June 5th, 2018 at 2:21 pm
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things.
June 5th, 2018 at 11:22 pm
Oh, hey, wouldn’t that Canadian classic THE BEAR deserve the “bear-wielding” tag?
I’m still keeping an eye out on Random Terrible Covers to see if I spot any more brandished bears.
June 6th, 2018 at 8:04 am
“Guns don’t kill people. Toddlers kill people.”
June 7th, 2018 at 12:29 am
@ARY: Sadly true in the US.
http://www.bradycampaign.org/press-room/guns-dont-kill-people-toddlers-kill-people
June 13th, 2018 at 5:08 am
I’ve spent almost 2 weeks looking for another example of “bear-wielding” and I think I found it:
http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/?p=11328