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Jan 06

NO! You twist to the left and YOU pull forwards. God damn tails!Click for full image

After significant advances in science we have discovered that there is one thing Dragons like more than breathing fire, eating ferrets or even gobbling down a sacrificial virgin women. They just can’t help but go after all the I’s in a word. So have them fighting for the I in Chris and make sure they have various appealing colours!

Thanks to JustinLeego!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.92 out of 10)
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23 Responses to “The Last Battle”

  1. Simon Says:

    Oooh that’s a mess.

    Still ‘A banquet of blood and thunder’ – who can complain?

  2. SI Says:

    I’m not sure if I would turn up at a banquet of blood and thunder. How does one eat thunder anyway?

  3. CSA Says:

    Can you really eat thunder though? If i went to a banquet expecting a good feed and left having only some blood and thunder i’d be pretty pissed off. And i have to wonder just exactly how much thunder is in the book… is the ratio of blood to thunder 50:50? i think the blurb leaves too many questions unanswered

    Its a pretty bad cover for being a new edition (republised), i think its just the brightness of the dragons. They might have got away with it if the colours were a bit more muted

  4. CSA Says:

    haha SI beat me to it… damn you!

  5. SI Says:

    Sorry CSA!

    And what is with the embossed font used for the book title. It kinda looks like it’s made out of some sort of biscuit you would dunk in your tea.

  6. little mi Says:

    Blue Dragon: Aww…my tail! Again!
    Purple Dragon: That’s it, no more group hugs. This happens everytime.
    Yellow Dragon: But I love you guys.

  7. Adam Roberts Says:

    This is the dragon tribute-group The Dragon Beatles. George-dragon, Paul-dragon and Ringo-dragon are singing backing harmonies to ‘Twist and Shout’. But oh no! Somebody has stolen their microphone!

  8. Simon Says:

    @Adam

    You need to start taking your medication again.

  9. JustinLeego Says:

    That’s right, shush Adam, stop spilling the publishing world’s secrets! The Illuminati will be displeased if they should be told of such indiscretions!

    Turns out that there’s a pan-edition word war theme here. The previous edition’s cover, ably realised by Lee Gibbons, has dragons fighting over the “S”.

    By the following year, authors’ names weren’t as appealing to dragons: conflict raged over the entire title 😉

  10. THX 1138 Says:

    I don’t get it. Which one is Aslan?

  11. Justin Leego Says:

    Urgh. I feel terrible for noticing that their tails are in a bunch.

    Bunch.

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “A banquet of blood and thunder”… or you may have the vegetarian alternative:
    “A feast of turnips and brimstone.”

  13. Tom Noir Says:

    A ‘rat king’ is a nest of rats whose tails have become entangled. So would this qualify as a ‘dragon king’?

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Dragon 1: “Why I oughta…”
    Dragon 2: “Why I oughta…”
    Dragon 3: “Why I oughta…”

    etc.

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Mmm-Bop!’

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Trilogy
    Quadrilogy
    Pentalogy
    Sextalogy (Phwoarr!)
    Heptalogy (Is that right?)
    Octalogy
    Nonalogy (???)
    Decalogy…

  17. anon Says:

    Dragonmaster: Book Three – The Last Game of Twister

  18. A.R.Yngve Says:

    I can’t decide between the jokes
    “An accurate depiction of 95% of the fanfic produced globally in an average year”
    …or…
    “Suddenly, E.L. James had an epiphany: ‘If I just change the names of all the dragon characters, and make them humans instead of dragons, I can turn my old fanfic into another mega-bestseller! Yes!! I rule!!'”

  19. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘I leave you alone with the dragons for TEN MINUTES while I go and get a plate from the banquet of blood and thunder…and I come back…and all three of them have their tails in a knot? Some “Dragon Master” you are, can’t even keep them out of a tussle.’

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The Very Definition Of A False Promise: When a title claims it’s the “LAST” or “FINAL” Battle, Fight, War, Conflict, etc.

    That’s always the setup for another sequel. How many “Final Fantasy” have we been subjected to by now? I lost the count at 13.

  21. Anna T. Says:

    Now all we need to do is tie them to the “I”, and then we’ll have us some captive dragons! The fact that groups of dragons will fight over letters is a little-known weakness.

  22. Jon Says:

    @A. R. Yngve (#20) – current count is at XIV, with XV scheduled for a 2016 release….

  23. anon Says:

    “Blonde hound of Beta Quadrant” — Rust Brats
    Gonadramster: Book three
    TALL BAT’S TEETH
    Church Bins
    seeking author for the trilogy

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