Jul 16
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Art Direction: Look, I’m telling you there is NOTHING more erotic than a naked women with an over-sized insect. Hold on a second who are those guys? What are they doing with a straitjacket? Hey, get off me. Wait, it’s still a good idea, I swear…. draw it… and remember meeeeeeeeee!
Published 1980
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Tagged with: Chris Achilleos • cleavage • damsel • M. John Harrison • Sphere Books • strange creature • WTF
Jul 15
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Brian’s Art Direction: What makes vampires scary? Exactly: it’s their lack of proportion. It’s their slightly big heads and taste for late-80s haircuts. Imagine a vampiress Bonnie Tyler. Get to it.
Published 1989
Many thanks to Brian!
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Tagged with: Algernon Blackword • Arthur Conan Doyle • bats • damsel • Equation Books • M.R. James • moon • Richard Dalby • robes • skulls a-poppin' • strange creature • Unknown Artist Institute • vampires
Jul 14
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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this book is heroic Celtic fantasy, but the question is how do we sell it to the ladies? I’ll tell you how: full frontal nudity. What do you mean we can’t – okay, fine. Throw some strategically placed splashes over it to please the censors. But just so people get the picture, fill the remaining cover space with pictures of swords.
Published 1993
You might remember this from here.
Seriously, why do all these guys shave their body hair?
Amazing! Many thanks to Tom!
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Tagged with: Avonova Books • bladed weapons • Daniel Horne • dude • muscles • scrolls • shields • Song of Albion series • Stephen R. Lawhead • sword • WTF
Jul 12
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Art Direction: We need something that really gets across the feeling of time travel. So, in other words I mean a naked gladiator takes on a Boeing 737. And by naked I just having him at some strange angle so we can’t see his bum crack or giblets. I know, I’m no fun.
Published 1980
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Tagged with: aeroplanes • bladed weapons • dude • hunkbutt • monument • muscles • Pan Books • Richard Ben Sapir • starkers • Terry Oakes • WTF
Jul 09
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Nix Comments: This book is reasonable-if-crappy (it’s a Modesitt, so it has Modesitt’s sole interchangeable plot) and the cover is a pretty good depiction of a scene from the book… but the cover is so badly done it distracted me from reading the book. I’m not even sure what’s wrong with it. Are those bobbleheads or are they actually almost in proportion and merely a horrible example of the dangers of having naturalistic heads and cartoon everything else? I don’t know.
Published 2000
Space pilots are so moody!
Thanks to Nix!
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Tagged with: damsel • dude • ill-fitting spacesuit • L.E. Modesitt Jr. • space ships • Stephen Youll • Tor Books
Jul 08
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Lauren Comments: The expressions on their faces have always bothered me–is he thinking about smashing her head with that statue? Is she considering using the trapdoor to dump him in a garbage pit?
Published 1991
Many thanks to Lauren!
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Tagged with: aliens • architectural framing • Bantam Books • chess • Emancipator Series • Fake Val Kilmer cameo • font problems • Paul Youll • planets • Ray Aldridge • space • WTF
Jul 07
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Dave Comments: Let’s see. We have a guy in a tree, with a sword, getting ready to lop of the head of a snake, with its head super-imposed against The Moon. Paging Dr. Freud!
Published 1983
Hey, I’ve seen that scene in the jungle book!!
Many thanks to Dave!
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Tagged with: Avon Books • bladed weapons • dude • font problems • James Blish • strange creature • Unknown Artist Institute
Jul 06
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Corwin Comments: Where to start… A truly wretched color scheme with a bright pink neon title, two title fonts that go in four different directions. Then the rest of the cover is way too busy including a blue shark, a green sub with pink polka dots, and a man hole cover. And lest we forget, the story has a computerized Ayn Rand as one of its characters.
Published 1998
Flying shark!
Many thanks to Corwin.
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Tagged with: "a novel" • explosion • fire • Matt Ruff • shark • strange creature • submarine • Unknown Artist Institute • Warner Aspect books • WTF
Jul 05
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Liz’s Art Direction: We’d like for you to use some cats on this cover. Not just any old cats no, we want one that is sized up enough to be able to carry a human. In furs. And randomly in the background, give us a horse drawn sled too. Oh, and to illuminate the picture, throw in a random lamp somewhere…and the biggest sickle moon in the world, ever.
Published 2000
Ah Cat travel, the only way to break the speed of light. Or so I have read.
Many thanks to Liz!
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Tagged with: booties • Cats! • cloaks • damsel • DAW Books • font problems • forest • furs • Gayle Greeno • Ghattens Gambit Series • horses • lantern • once you see it • Paul Youll • snow and ice
Jul 02
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Art Direction: Hilarious escapade? Well then, no one is going to care what we put on there. In fact lets just put everything we can! Including Centaurs, which I hear are the next big thing. And we’ll have giant people with planets for faces! We’ll stop there but wait till you see what I have in mind for the font!
Published 2001
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Tagged with: Centaur! • cleavage • cloaks • damsel • Darrell K. Sweet • dude • font problems • giant birds • glow • magic • magical orbs • once you see it • people with planets for heads • Piers Anthony • planets • robes • strange creature • Tor Books • waistcoat • WTF
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