Good Show Sir

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GK Comments: I hope this wasn’t his first choice.
Published 1977

(Average: 8.35 out of 10)

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Colette’s Art Direction: I want a colony of giant lavender termites- all with the same goofy facial expression- dragging an extremely khaki couple into their underground nest. Try and make the tunnel seem as reminiscent of a human colon as possible, as subtle subliminal foreshadowing of where a large purple ovipositor may soon find itself.
Published 1980

(Average: 8.55 out of 10)

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Tim Comments:This cover had me simultaneously going, “I don’t ever want to be spotted with that book,” and, “Awesome, I need to know what’s going on here!”
Published 2008

(Average: 3.94 out of 10)

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Joachim Comments: It’s one of these covers where words simply fail to describe the horrors at play — the garish colors cavorting among mutated humanoid shapes (Malcolm McDowell?) and what can only be a doe-eyed, disembodied, (potentially) cuddly dragon spirit monkey…
Published 1986

(Average: 8.51 out of 10)

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Art Direction: Well with the name Alpha Centauri our cover is basically spelt out for us… Centaur taking a point blank shot at a red headed girl straight out of Sunday school while she rides a horse. Make sure to make her jumper a timeless classic, something you could look back at in a hundred years and say… that never went out of fashion.
Published 1982

(Average: 6.61 out of 10)

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MisterBOB’s Art Direction: Its magical, so it glows, right! And have some chick pointing to a unicorn. No boobs! Bums are in.
Published 1989

I’m not so sure thats a chick MisterBOB!

(Average: 8.06 out of 10)

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Stevie Comments: Samuel Delaney’s Neveryona is so-over-the-top hetero soft porn. And the lead character is supposedly gay! What a bubble butt he’s got! I wish I had one of those! And what’s he doing with that giant sword, anyway?
Published 1983

Amazing! Many thanks to Stevie!

(Average: 7.90 out of 10)

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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this is a Celtic fantasy, so obviously we want a buff surfer dude who is spaced out of his gourd. What? I dunno, put him in a kilt or something. You figure it out, that’s what you’re paid for isn’t it? Anyhow, magic it up. Slap a shiny silver border on with the author’s name in a clashing red font to distract suspicious readers. Anyhoo, I gotta jet, it’s 4:20.
Published 1993

Many thanks to Tom!

(Average: 8.45 out of 10)

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So when people escape from prison what usually happens to them? That’s right, their clothes rip. So the guy will be showing his well shaved muscle bound chest where as the women will show basically everything. We’ll have that, but with Mechs too! Because what cover isn’t improved with the addition of Mechs?

Thanks to Christopher!

(Average: 7.45 out of 10)

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A collection of fantasy stories? Well I know what they’ll want. A huge barbarian with a ponytail swinging his axe at randomly placed wood. Hmm, you’re right, needs thickened out. Throw a stereotype wizard/fireball combination in there and some damsel with a sword.

(Average: 6.45 out of 10)

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