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Jan 05

Click for full image

Michelle Comments: I suspect the figure in the lower half of the cover found their armor just wasn’t enough to protect them from the title pun. Look at the poor spaceman, crushed by the agony! This is a follow-up to Matt’s submission of SpaceCops: Kill Station. I thought maybe you all hadn’t suffered enough, and another one from the series just came into the shop. Enjoy?
Published 1992

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.48 out of 10)
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Feb 21

Who gives a hoot about these mouseover jokesClick for larger image

Dexter Comments: Let’s do it owlknight long, baby!

Published 1999

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.40 out of 10)
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Feb 20

Alt-tittiesClick for larger image

Charles Comments: I hate those claw machines. You never win anything.

Published 1974

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.20 out of 10)
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Feb 19

One of our fanboys sent a link to some “funny” science fiction book covers online. Funny as in this smells funny. A lot of these parody covers have a je n’est ce quoi familiarity about them. Check out a few:

Intellectual Property TheftClick for larger image

Click to compare

Intellectual Property TheftClick for larger image

Click to compare

Intellectual Property TheftClick for larger image

Click to compare

Intellectual Property TheftClick for larger image

Here is the culprit:

Smirky McSmugClick for larger image

It seems “E-online” is muscling into on our territory of terrible sci-fi covers. Not only that, they are nicking our proprietary memes such “jazz hands” AND “BEHIND YOU”, not to mention our Dick Blade obsession. So we paid a visit to our solicitor and he said “go away until you give me my back pay”. Later he said “it’s probably just a coincidence, great ideas can be thought up independently, didn’t Newton and Leibniz both invent the calculus?”. “Yes” we said “but Newton later became Lord of Mint and spent his later years hanging counterfeiters! We demand justice”. He said “anyone can take a picture of the same book cover, come back when you have more proof”.

Then we looked some more and found this cover:

Intellectual Property TheftClick for larger image

And compared it to this:

Damn it... he's caught us! I knew we should have used the giant laser pointer!Click for full image

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After we accused Bibliomancer of passing off the same cover to Tag Wizard AND Joel McHale, he swore his innocence. So it is obvious that we have a strong case for INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY THEFT. After our solicitor finishes his rehab stint we intend to file a legal complaint. E-online will, no doubt, want to settle this in a hurry for a sizeable sum.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 10.00 out of 10)
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Feb 18

Secretary typists ... of the future!Click for larger image

Bellatrix Comments: Looks like they’ve perfected the female condom.

Published 1950

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.25 out of 10)
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Feb 14

The jazz hands of deathClick for larger image

Good Show Sir Comments: “Nyah-Nyah-Nyah, I can’t hear you!”

Thanks Suzie-Q for sending this in!

Published 1971

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.83 out of 10)
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Feb 13

'Loid rageClick for larger image

Marvin Comments: Arwen … After Dark!

Published 1953

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.33 out of 10)
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Feb 12

Cue up 'Under My Thumb'Click for larger image

Raoul Comments: If seems, for this Earthling, the creatures from another world are women.

Published 1969

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.60 out of 10)
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Feb 11

You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent.Click for larger image

JuanPaul Comments: Don’t worry about your dangerous liaison in the ice cream cone. The mime won’t tell anyone.

Published 1976

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)
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Feb 07

It’s time for Mars Sexytime Honourable Mentions. And it’s a score in more ways than one. Scraping the bottom of the Mars barrel, here are three also-rans that, for various reasons, didn’t meet our STRICT AND RIGIDLY ENFORCED GROUND RULES.

Sex Life on the Planet Mars. I can’t find much info on whether this is comedy, sci-fi or maybe even a mystery. But I’m not surprised it’s written by this guy. Somewhere Capt Kirk is getting a boner.

Puts the Martian in M.I.L.F.Click for larger image

A Princess of Mars. Further proof of the benefits of novels losing their copyright and entering the public domain. This is an actual by-the-rules science fiction book cover, but it’s print-on-demand and I didn’t feel like spending a tenner of Tag Wizard’s expense account money to buy a copy.

A Poledancer of MarsClick for larger image

Mars Ho! It’s a Kindle ebook cover. I think it’s also paperback but, since nobody is in a hurry to send that cover in, this will just have to do.

Let's throw a hoedown!Click for larger image

Good Show Sir Comments: Thanks to Cyndi-with-an-i, me, and Sir Douglas Quintet for sending these in.

Published 1986, 2008, and 2017

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 9.44 out of 10)
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Feb 06

He won't be needing this 8-track player. I'll just help myself.Click for larger image

Alfred Comments: I’m so sorry. The sign said “In case of emergency break glass”. Are you OK?

Published 1963

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.80 out of 10)
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