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Sep 05

♪♫♬ ... Valhalla, I am coming ... ♪♫♬Click for larger image

Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Comments: PUSH HIM! PUSH HIM!

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Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Comments: The back side, featuring the least appealing excerpt ever proffered on this Web site.

Published 1973

You might remember this from here.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.30 out of 10)
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32 Responses to “Slave of Sarma”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Most epic skinny dip EVAH!!!1!!?!2!!!

  2. Bibliomancer Says:

    Thanks DSWBT, for showing us Richard Blade’s back side.

  3. FrankN.Stein Says:

    “the least appealing excerpt ”
    but…. insatiable women-warriors!!!

  4. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Damsel: “Wait, Blade — you just ate lunch!”
    Blade: “What are you, my mother? YEAAAHH!!”
    *splash*
    Five seconds later:
    Blade: “I’ve got a cramp! Owie! It hurts!!”
    Damsel: “Told you so…”

  5. Tom Noir Says:

    Dick Blade’s poor eyesight means that he requires a discreet female to steer him in the direction of his targets.

  6. Tom Noir Says:

    The male posterior must feature heavily in this book.

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tom Noir 5—Yes, and her disappearing right hand indicates the tiller she is using to steer him by.

  8. fred Says:

    The back cover excerpt proves one thing. Rocket = Dick dick. But the stagnant canal water thing…..Dick has issues.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    It’s rather a shame that Lord Leighton didn’t do the cover: he illustrated at least one novel (George Eliot’s “Romola”). They could just have had a photo of this http://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/leighton-an-athlete-wrestling-with-a-python-n01754 and saved us the unfortunate comparisons with Up-Helly-Aa.

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat Wood—is he wrestling that python or doing the tango? In the Fighting-with-Python genre, not quite up to Laocoön standards, wot?

  11. JuanPaul Says:

    “Uh, Dick? We brought fishing rods.”

  12. Tat Wood Says:

    @B.Chiclitz: embrace the power of ‘and’.

    The statue’s primarily to show off that he can sculpt muscular young men, which is why I chose that rather than the many paintings of semi-clad women.

  13. Mellie M. Says:

    Ew. His brain flared and burst and melted into sluggish, bubbling shiny stuff running into puddles. Ew, ew, ew. Somebody get me a shop vac.

  14. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Mellie M: thank you for noticing the back cover blurb! Electricity does NOT bubble! Goodnight.

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat Wood—good advice well stated, sir, although given the “either/or” of muscular young men vs. semi-clad women, I’m afraid I reveal myself as somewhat outdated by opting for the latter (although that Laocoön is sorta hunky).

  16. JuanPaul Says:

    From Hell’s groin, I thrust at thee!
    For Booty’s sake, I grunt my bad breath at thee!

  17. Anna T. Says:

    For once, the attractive damsel is wearing more than the hero.

  18. Tom Noir Says:

    @Anna T: Dick Blade wants to make sure that everyone is looking at his rippling, naked form, not distracted by whatever random skank he happens to be knocking boots with!

  19. Yoss Says:

    “Richard…. It’s time to stop. It’s been three hours. You can’t stab the ocean to death.”

  20. Francis Boyle Says:

    @Anna T.

    First rule of Dick: You do not upstage Dick.

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    YES!!!!

    The triumphant return of Dick Blade!

    Even in his less-lurid reissue covers, he still has that certain je ne sais blech.

    The back cover could only be duller if it was Lord L and J in one of their government meetings. You’ve got a naked guy with a big spear, a nubile woman, and a burning Viking ship on the cover.

    We know, thanks to Pulpfiles ,that the inside has plenty of sex and violence they could have used for the blurb, and yet… we get Blade’s Bubbling Brain.

    @Mellie: No shopvac in Dimension X, I fear. That description sounds more like you’d need a hazmat team, though.

    @Tat: So the appreciation of muscular men and, er… snakes is consistent in the Lord Leighton family, eh?

    @F. Boyle: Nobody outshines Dick. Even with his very odd ribcage and pecs. Something went wrong when his puddle reformed in Sarna.

  22. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSSxN: Surprisingly, the real-life Lord Leighton didn’t have any kids. I’m sure this amazes anyone who’s seen that statue but, as I said, he also painted several hundred naked women. His title was one of the shortest hereditary baronetcies ever, given to him very late in life and with no heir.
    (Well, no legitimate heir: being a Pre-Raphaelite he was versatile in that department so there were many alleged dalliances of both sexes.).

  23. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “That’s the last time I’ll take advice from G.I. Joe on how to lock your arms overhead for a fatal spear thrust. Now I’m stuck!”

  24. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    But @B.Chiclitz….”knowing is half the battle”…isn’t it?

  25. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Anti-Sceptic—indeed it is, good sir. But the question is which half?

  26. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @BC: Dick does seem to have gotten his entire body locked up and stuck in that position, doesn’t he? The comely lass is probably trying to drag him away from the edge of the boat so he doesn’t topple over.

    @Tat: I’m gonna pretend Dick’s Lord L is a second creation, for one of original Lord L’s illegitimate descendants. Makes more sense than anything in these books. Although Her Maj Liz 2 would disapprove of these shenanigans.

  27. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSSxN: She’s descended from Prince Albert and has been married to a Greek sailor for seventy years. Her mum hung out with Noel Coward and they spend a lot of time with kilted Scotsmen. I think she’s pretty much unshockable.

  28. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: Yes, but spending Our Pounds Sterling on giant computers and greasing up a guy who only manages to bring back small random objects? I mean, if one wants to do that sort of thing with one’s own time and sixpence, she’s obviously fine with it. But let’s not go around wasting public moneys. At least that Bond chap gets things done in between his roistering.

    (6 degrees of separation: my mother had a mutual friend with Queen Mum. And yes, nothing shocked her as long as the G&T kept coming.)

  29. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSSxN: sixpence? In which decade were these books set?

    Fetching small random objects from far-off dimensions can be done for free; you just need to find the right costume shop. Anyone who’s been in Britain in the 46 years since decimalisation will know the one.

  30. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: These appeared just before decimalisation.

  31. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSSxN: Well, then, all Lord Leighton needed to do to avail himself of a super-computer was pop into a Lyon’s Corner House for a pot of tea and a sticky bun.

    https://www2.warwick.ac.uk/services/library/mrc/explorefurther/digital/leo/story/

  32. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Possibly Lord L got his super-computer from a shop specialising in sausages, then. What with the grease and the you know what.

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