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Apr 07

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Eron Comments: This cover is particularly appalling because of it’s simplicity. We get the text: Unicorns. Peace. Then the image: Unicorn. Twilight. BIG ORANGE Unicorn. Castle. Sure. Also, it seems to me that something is wrong on the perspective on the unicorn… it’s sort of falling on it’s side if I’m seeing it correctly?

Many thanks to Eron!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.65 out of 10)
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39 Responses to “The Unicorn Peace”

  1. SI Says:

    That is quite the unicorn. Not sure if I would read this one in public… or would I….

    Curiously, are unicorns always white?

  2. CSA Says:

    Brown/Orange colour i woud say in this case. Its been rolling in its own feces, which explains Erons theory about it about to fall over.

  3. SI Says:

    What is it with you and rolling about in feces?

    Slow day… slow day. My mind hurts. Not enough sarcastic jokes. Maybe people are on holiday.. gits.

  4. Ron Obvious Says:

    At least the Unicorn will be taken out of its misery and won’t have to read this ridiculous book.

  5. hampshireflyer Says:

    Its forelegs are at the wrong angle to the rest of the body. Unless someone has horribly tortured the unicorn. I suspect this isn’t going to be the case in a book with a cover like that.

  6. James Lovegrove Says:

    Do unicorns roll in their own faeces as a gesture of protest? I’m thinking Bobby Sands, the Maze Prison, hunger strikes, mustard-yellow walls, and so forth. “We want Unicorn Peace and we want it now, and if we don’t get it we’re going to smear ourselves with our own poo until we do. Yeah, that ought to work. The politician-mage oppressors over in Inglande will definitely cave in to our demands.”

  7. Christine Says:

    I have this book, and a few others. All the covers don’t really say what the books are about other than unicorns. I haven’t read the series yet though because I don’t have the first book!

  8. Andre Says:

    I love that highly interesting and original synopsis on the cover: “The winds of change blow over the magic land and the unicorns return.”

    I mean, is that how the author actually pitched that to his editor? They could have at least spiced it up a bit…

    How about: “The blistering winds scour the festering, magic-strewn cesspit, and the four unicorns of the apocalypse return to wreak enchanted unholy vengeance upon mankind!”

    Or maybe just: “The winds of change blow over the magic land and the unicorns return… with herpes.”

  9. Richard Campbell Says:

    Wow, I read that series and I think I remember that cover…I remember really enjoying the series though.. but back then I read every fantasy book that was published.. so YMMV.

  10. stevetalbert Says:

    i thought of winds when i saw the unicorn being blown over by them. … they must be very strong… I need to read that book to find out how strong..

  11. SI Says:

    Well we all know unicorns one weakness. Strong winds and feces!

  12. CSA Says:

    that’s two weaknesses…

  13. SI Says:

    Son of a unicorn. Ok… but wind and feces combined as one is …. winces!

  14. Deborah Says:

    I think the poor thing has jaundice – no wonder it’s falling over, it needs a liver transplant, stat!

  15. Susan Says:

    that brings to mind the age-old pasttime of cow-tipping…

  16. Phil Says:

    I might have asked this before, but…

    Given the popularity of unicorns (horses with horns), pegasuses (horses with wings) and centaurs (horses with people-tops for heads)… why no books about cross-breeds such as the one-horned winged centaur?

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    My God, that blurb is unbelievable:

    “The winds of change blow over the magic land, and the unicorns return.”

    Was this written by a schoolgirl in the first grade?

    Try it with small alterations, and you get the exact same amount of nonsense:

    “The light breeze of change blows over the magic land, and the pink elephants return.”

    “The gale of change blows over the magic land, and the flying pigs return.”

    “The cyclone of change blows over the magic land, and the Grinch returns.”

  18. Book Wench Says:

    So….does this book have any unicorns in it?

  19. Phil Says:

    It’s not a unicorn. It’s a horse standing in front of a narwhal.

  20. Jaouad Says:

    I think the horse is actually leaning against the narwhal.

  21. FeařofMusic Says:

    Seeing the title on the spine of this book, I would move right on without even checking the cover art. Is this book targeted at a young female audience? I’ll take a stab at guessing the plot. Here goes,

    For long ages the Gumdrop Goblins and the Fudgecreme Faeries have waged war over the CottonCandy Woods and Licorice Lakes. There seemed to be no end in sight, until the arrival of Urinsokos the Unicorn Lord. A cease fire was brokered and the Toffee Tossing Trebuchet and Caramel Coated Catapults fell silent. Thereafter was great rejoicing and massive dental decay as all celebrated the Unicorn Peace. Hurrah!!

    No?

    I wanna see trendy, but new. Yes. How about…Vampire Unicorns Versus Zombie Dragons? Or has that been done?

  22. Rachel J Says:

    Books like this are always part of a “saga”. Because just one book about unicorns is never enough.

    I wonder what makes the “magic land” more magical than your garden-variety fantasy setting?

  23. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The war against the Outlanders is over and Jarrod Courtak is now a senior mage. He and Marianne, the only humans who can communicate with unicorns, marry. Because every girl wants to enter into a heteronormal subservient relationship with a sensitive, successful partner.

    I think Hoofy the Hurled Unicorn’s caramel colour is leading to hyperglycemia!

  24. Rev Says:

    IF the unicorn had been rolling about in its own faeces, then it would be a multi-coloured unicorn – we all know unicorns excrete butterflies and rainbows.

  25. Tom Noir Says:

    Unicorns!

  26. anon Says:

    “The winds of change blow over the magic land, and the unicorns return. They rock you like a hurricane, still loving you.”

  27. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @anon: Scorpions!

  28. DaveM Says:

    All that’s wrong with this cover is that the blurb is mistyped.
    It should read:
    “The winds of change blow over the unicorns, and the magic land returns”

    See, picture makes sense now!

  29. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘The winds of change return, blow the unicorns over, and the magics land.’

  30. B. Chiclitz Says:

    After the second bag of fermented magic oats, the Unicorns! began to feel tipsy.

  31. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Imagine the blurb sung like an 80s power ballad by Joey Tempest:

    The winds of change
    blow over the magic land
    and in the heat of the night
    the unicorns return
    Unicorn Peace!
    Unicorn Peace!
    Blow over the magic land…

  32. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Frau Blücher!’

    (someone had to say it)

  33. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @Dead Stuff: I’ll henceforth have no option but to visualise you as Marty Feldman (Dead Stuff With Big Eyes?) 🙂

    FWIW, in earlier years I’ve been described as resembling a ‘young Woody Allen’, while in more recent times a really, really drunk woman was convinced I was Bill Gates!

  34. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Perry: Imagine, if you will, that Lance Henriksen and Michelle Barber had a statistically-significant number of children. Now, imagine that those children were forced to duel to the death. Now, imagine that E.T. was allowed to show mercy on one of the runners-up and grant him/her life. I am a dead-ringer for his second or third choice. So, you’re not far off, but much more concise. 😀

  35. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Which piece of your giant fantasy puzzle are you missing, dear?”
    “The UNICORN PIECE!!”

  36. GSS noob Says:

    Listen, a palomino unicorn is going to sell to girls no matter if the perspective’s off or what the contents are. This is actually brilliant marketing. I’d have bought this immediately as a pre-teen.

  37. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @GSS consumer: The change of xnoob blows over the counter, and the Unicorns! lands in her shopping bag.

  38. Tom Noir Says:

    A new study published this week proves that, contrary to the old adage, sex doesn’t sell. So I suggest we update this phrase to the more accurate, ‘Unicorns! Sell’.

  39. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Unicorns!

    My inner 9 year old wanted another look at this cover.

    Judging by the price, I was married by the time this came out, and so I’ll never know.

    A quick Google says 1993. And we’ve seen the cover of another volume of this saga as well — the one with 3 unicorns! floating in mid-air. The Unicorn! Solution.

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