Good Show Sir

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Thanks to Nix who says:

_Patterns of Chaos_ is a slightly famous book with a lot of amazing setpiece scenes which could have been used for the cover, starting with the destruction of entire planets, meticulously described, and ending with a transgalactic trip to a memorably unpleasant destination. If any book counts as overblown space opera, this one does.

So what did they use for the cover? A scowling cowled bloke, a weird plant, a badly-designed castle and a random number generator.

(Average: 5.09 out of 10)

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NIPPLES? What’s this obsession with nipples going around at the moment? Well by heck, we will give them so many nipples it will burn their retinas. And semi-naked muscle clad men killing some sort of beast! Now if you thought that wasn’t manly enough, we’ll give them all tashes!

(Average: 8.07 out of 10)

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I’ve been on that Good Show Sir site and I know everything at the moment is about nipples! Here my friend we will defy convention. Cleavage but no nipples. Also, she’ll be kinda silver, jumping out of awful looking flames towards a star. Oh yeahhh, consider that convention defied!

(Average: 6.52 out of 10)

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Look, we need to appeal to both genders here. So we’ll have a male body fused with a female body from head to toe, in a kinda strange almost rubbery way. Obviously we’ll only show some cleavage because the last thing we’d want on there is a huge Johnson.

Thanks to Nix!

(Average: 6.48 out of 10)

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So lets say we have a black man and I really mean black. We’ll have him dressed in white skin, with nipples, because without the nipples it would just look strange. I am sure we can fob it off as social commentary. As long as we have the nipples.

(Average: 8.65 out of 10)

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Gwad Darn it, we know from experience realism sells! If you haven’t got some models to pose for you in costume it’s just not going to sell. We’ll grab their attention with a kid hiding behind a sword fighters cape. Then we can make it shiny…

(Average: 8.37 out of 10)

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The great artists of our time had a formula for where the human eye would automatically look to when presented with a work of art. At that precise point I know exactly what we need. A huge horse’s head, in pain, as it gets speared by a crazed redhead.

(Average: 6.38 out of 10)

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Throw out this idea of a whole picture and think in terms of layers. Just concentrate on four of them, a women with a bad hair cut firing a laser, a tiny women in a floating tea cup, a huge bald guy about to attack and some people in an arena watching. Slap it all together and we’re sorted!

(Average: 7.61 out of 10)

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Nothinggets the attention ofwomen more than standing in the midst of an ice cavern with little clothes and showing off your bare chest. Holding your short sword in an inspiring way while standing by your Viking boat sleigh. That’s right. A boat sleigh.

(Average: 5.47 out of 10)

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Well any piece of art such as a women sitting on her horse, in the middle of the wood, summoning a huge glowing chalice, just isn’t complete with out a huge boarder. It’s like you’ll be staring in through a window into a magical world.

(Average: 4.50 out of 10)

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