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Apr 19

When the World Shook

27 Comments »

You're epically diving too soon Rico! Wait for the explosion, THEN flail your arms around!Click for full image

Elijah Comments: Nothing says, “stirring look at spirituality and the uncertainty of agnosticism” like a badly-drawn cowboy running from a volcano.
Published 1998

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.41 out of 10)
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Apr 16

Mythmaster

26 Comments »

Quick dear, lets go. Sean Connery is trying to steal my man thong for Zardos!Click for full image

Colette’s Art Direction: I want an attractive couple on another planet who wear ribbons instead of actual clothing. But I guess we need something that will make it seem horrible AND sexy, so can you add a long trail of golden ectoplasm to the woman’s lower body? It should imply “you have radiant womb” and not “you should immediately see a doctor about that.”
Published 1973

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.26 out of 10)
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Dec 13

The Golden Man

13 Comments »

So gold he breaks the covers boarder!Click for full image

Phil’s Art Direction: To be honest with you, I’m not convinced he’s golden enough. Make the whites of his eyes golden as well, would you please? And a few wires attached randomly to the face will convey the science fictional nature of the book.
Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.21 out of 10)
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Dec 06

Gabriel’s Ghost 2

18 Comments »

At least that top trump ghost from the last cover isn't watching us this timeClick for full image

Tom Noir Comments: This author has a whole series of covers involving people making out above spaceships. Jokes about her “wormhole” are left as an exercise for the reader.
Published 2008

You might remember me from here

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.29 out of 10)
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Nov 24

Space Cops – Kill Station

26 Comments »

Spandex... the only way to be a cop... in space!!Click for full image

Matt Comments: Found in a bookstore in Portland, Maine. Came so close to buying this.
Published 1992

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.03 out of 10)
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Nov 04

Doomsday Book

15 Comments »

Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. Im on a horse.Click for full image

Man of the Mountian’s Art Direction:So, the story is about a girl trapped in the middle of the black death in midevial England, while everyone back in her time are dying of a flu epidemic. Give us a nice upbeat cover, otherwise nobody is going to buy this!
Published 1993

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.79 out of 10)
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Oct 28

The Golden Horn

29 Comments »

*German accent* I'm here to cast a spell of heal light wounds... *bass guitar*Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction:
“Are you sure you’re a licensed massage therapist?”

“Of course dear, now just relax and let me work. Your thighs look very… tense.”
Published 1986

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.68 out of 10)
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Sep 02

Sucks and Blows

18 Comments »

That's a number 3 upper left 4 and fangs lower 3 in the 2.Click for full image

Farquarson Comments:I don’t know what bothers me more–the artwork or the title. I hate shots from inside someone’s mouth; it reminds me of the, “Dentist” scene from Little Shop of Horrors. On the other hand, calling your book “Sucks & Blows” is an absolute GIFT to any critic worthy of the name.
Published 2011

Extra points go to the photo of a computer screen! Thanks Farquarson!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.09 out of 10)
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Aug 24

Web of the Witch World

27 Comments »

Whatever happened to the shoulder pad... It used to be sci-fi's champion!Click for full image

Art Direction: We’ll have some guy looking like he’s in a furtistic space disco being attacked by a giant man with a glowing forehead. Why, you ask? Well, we all know psychic powers are clearly symbolised by a lens flare. Just like every sword is reflecting a magical light from somewhere making it go… TING!
Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.74 out of 10)
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Jul 07

Trumps of Doom

25 Comments »

Ah, I see you have the new apple face-pad.Click for full image

E’s Art Direction: Make him look like Darth Vader, but lame…
Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.71 out of 10)
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