preload
Jan 26

Mother.. did you come into the dark forest in your dressing gown again?!!Click for full image

Fantasy readers can’t think for themselves! They need one thing, hyper realism! It’s a phrase I’m coining. So well have a guy in his pajamas and an old women in a dressing gown staring at a magical glowing orb in the palm of the dudes hand. All set within a dark forest.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.54 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 22

But Thraxas, you promised next time we fought I could wear the bikini!!Click for full image

Doctor: It’s alright Madame, your Son simply has a case of the TeenFlu.
Concerned Mother:
Thank you doctor, is there anything I can do for him?
Doctor: Well, I prescribe some awesome red and yellow training warrior monks, a large dude in a kimono and a busty women in a gold bikini grasping her short sword. Here, take this book.
Concerned Mother: Uh… you’re a medical doctor right?
Doctor: My doctorate came in a toblerone box.
Concerned Mother:
Ohhhhhhh K, well I’ll be going.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.81 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 21

And everyone thought Jesus was a man... he was but a humble blob.Click for full image

Nothing sells books better than Jesus! Just look at the sales of the Bible, top seller every year. So we’ll have three crosses on a hill, that’s the Jesus part. Then some guy kneeling next to a bleeding fleshy cocoon, that’s the sci-fi part. With this cover, we’re fulfilling the prophecy! Just kidding, now get me more coffee!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.74 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 20

As hard as I try I just can't get leather cat suits that accommodate my ridiculous chest!Click for full image

You know what all guns should have? Large magazine, maybe. Insanely large silencer on the end, possibly. A leather clad busty blonde, you’re almost there. Nope? All guns should have a guitar hero controller. When wouldn’t you want to stop fighting and starpower some AC/DC?!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.29 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 19

Yep, the book confirms it. Our union would be an abomination... but what the hell.Click for full image

Eyelashes! We’ll have a dragon with eyelashes, peering over at some wizard reading his dragon magical book. It won’t just be any mage, he’ll have a magical staff! Unheard of I know. And a side parting to make the king of side partings proud. As for the title, make it silver. We have to stand out somehow.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.56 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 18

Holy crap women, I may be a big floating head but are you actually wearing a cape?Click for full image

Nothing burns a visual greatness of fantasy into one’s mind better than a huge transparent face in the sky. And a woman with a large snake wrapped around her… yes I suggested it, and in fact I insist on it! Just make sure she’s grasping her magical wand.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.05 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 15

Phhhooowwwa!! Someone's been eating garlic!Click for full image

There’s only one thing in this world that can make a muscle infused man in a loincloth and his scantily clad female faint almost instantly. A naked red headed minotaur who is sneezing at them. Just remember, the sure fire way to success, keep the clothes to a minimum!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.83 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 13

HA!Click for full image

I’m talking busy, like izzy wizzy lets get busy! Magic! We need a blonde hero swinging his sword, and something magical, oh a like a griffin! Then we’ll have a centaur archer and why not just have a dragon-esque creature. With horns, red eyes and tiny wings.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.33 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 12

Hunny, remember to wash your hands with the evil red moon of xantos!Click for full image

EVIL CHILDREN! With red eyes! And lasers coming from an evil red orb or possibly some sort of moon, lighting up the evil child with even more red! And People! Just watching the red moon! Ok, I’m calmed down, what’s this about a book cover?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.93 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Jan 11

Man, I must look awesome. Pity I'm not actually charging at anyone.Click for full image

Nothing says, ‘I’m one hundred percent pure man,’ than a glowing sword, blonde curtains and a cape with some red velvet lining. We’ll have him charging towards the reader on his horse, waving his sword and smiling manically. Make sure the fonts have at least three layers of bordering!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.63 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with: