Good Show Sir

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Nothing burns a visual greatness of fantasy into one’s mind better than a huge transparent face in the sky. And a woman with a large snake wrapped around her… yes I suggested it, and in fact I insist on it! Just make sure she’s grasping her magical wand.

(Average: 7.66 out of 10)

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There’s only one thing in this world that can make a muscle infused man in a loincloth and his scantily clad female faint almost instantly. A naked red headed minotaur who is sneezing at them. Just remember, the sure fire way to success, keep the clothes to a minimum!

(Average: 8.46 out of 10)

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I’m talking busy, like izzy wizzy lets get busy! Magic! We need a blonde hero swinging his sword, and something magical, oh a like a griffin! Then we’ll have a centaur archer and why not just have a dragon-esque creature. With horns, red eyes and tiny wings.

(Average: 4.98 out of 10)

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EVIL CHILDREN! With red eyes! And lasers coming from an evil red orb or possibly some sort of moon, lighting up the evil child with even more red! And People! Just watching the red moon! Ok, I’m calmed down, what’s this about a book cover?

(Average: 6.83 out of 10)

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Nothing says, ‘I’m one hundred percent pure man,’ than a glowing sword, blonde curtains and a cape with some red velvet lining. We’ll have him charging towards the reader on his horse, waving his sword and smiling manically. Make sure the fonts have at least three layers of bordering!

(Average: 4.59 out of 10)

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Well magic is purple. Fact! So we are sorted for that but we need a way of getting magic’s amazing power across to people. I know, electricity… and some guy in obvious pain as he weaves his supernatural element. We all know that when you meddle with the supernatural all you get is that burning sensation of being electrocuted.

Thanks to CSA!

(Average: 7.81 out of 10)

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Most covers only hint at cleavage. Where we will succeed will be in the tactic of placing an actual topless women on the cover! Riding horse back along an alien desert. Oh, and she is being lead by a sort of Apache Indian bloke with an extremely long sword. And yes, I mean a literal sword.

Thanks to Craig!

(Average: 6.57 out of 10)

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After significant advances in science we have discovered that there is one thing Dragons like more than breathing fire, eating ferrets or even gobbling down a sacrificial virgin women. They just can’t help but go after all the I’s in a word. So have them fighting for the I in Chris and make sure they have various appealing colours!

Thanks to JustinLeego!

(Average: 4.78 out of 10)

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So, how about a women of a darker colour? And by darker colour I clearly mean black, like really black. Like Spinal Tap black album black, oh and long white hair with scary eyebrows. And a strange furry bat-like creature on her shoulder. In the never-ending game of distraction it might take away from the obvious faux pas.

(Average: 7.45 out of 10)

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And it thus cameto passthat the Mighty Lord Weber created the one thing which could instantly bring tears to the eyes of mortal men. Together around the campfire elves sat covered in blankets, drinking mead, talking to their wenches andwieldeda singlelute. But most importantly and what would soon become legend,they hadridiculous ears.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas Day!

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Good Show sir

(Average: 8.24 out of 10)

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