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Nov 23

So, would you like to get dinner? ....why are you running away? Oh right, forgot I had a sword with me.Click for full image

OH OH OH! Let’s have a half naked man grasping his magic electrified sword around waist height. That sounds suggestive? Of course it is, he’s holding a sword right next to his baby maker. A ha ha ha. Don’t forget to overload the whole cover with text, a lot of text, in all shapes and sizes.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.90 out of 10)
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Nov 17

And I thought having three horns coming out of my cranium would put women off!Click for full image

We all know what men want. Hunky muscles and tight underwear. No? Uh, strange stone monoliths? No? Leopard skin capes. No? Three horns coming out of his skull? What, seriously, no? Alright, have them all, but add two naked women caressing him. Classy eh? Actually, don’t answer me this time.

Thanks to CSA!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.81 out of 10)
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Nov 16

Gahhhaaa it burns, it burns.... but I look so good....Click for full image

A hunky half-naked muscle encrusted man standing in a strange mist, while casting a magic fireball from his hand. The book’s called flame, so how could we not have one! Though, to go one step further, have him looking thoughtfully at the fire in his hand. That way people will think he’s all sensitive and deep.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.36 out of 10)
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Nov 13

I'm sorry but my hair is clearly better than yours, cause I use gel!Click for full image

You know something that won’t date badly? Long hair with fringes and dudes with long gelled back hair. I can see it now, it will be the combination of every eighties sci-fi created by man. With this, we’re sorted well into the late 1990’s!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)
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Nov 11

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Realism is our key to success. I’m talking about a dude in a space suit and a very large dome helmet. The face inside must be like a photograph so people can really imagine the scene is real. Don’t forget the explosions, lasers and space robots!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.76 out of 10)
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Nov 06

Gaaaaaahhhhhh! Your purple robes offend all dragons!Click for full image

A princely boy sits on some ruined steps while a dragon leans downwards in a yawn of sorts. Standing next to them, a white bearded wizard in his long purple robes who is motioning to the sky with other dragons flying gracefully in the sky. No stereotypes here whatsoever … none … zip … nadda … zero… null … uhhh *coughs*

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.19 out of 10)
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Nov 05

Damn it they're back. I'll go get the pixie poison.Click for full image

The shine! We are all about the shine. But we’re lacking somewhere, there is just something we need to push the readers right over the edge and into the pit of greatness. Got it! Half-naked faeries and royal elves. Making one of them look like an Elizabethan queen will drive all the boys crayze-Z!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.07 out of 10)
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Nov 04

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I want a man charging into battle on his horse. But instead of a horse, lets just have some five legged reptilian-esque horse creature and let’s not actually have a battle, he can just be charging alone through a desert Mars landscape. Make sure the guy is only wearing a loincloth – who cares about armour as long as your family jewels are comfortable?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.67 out of 10)
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Oct 28

No you idiot fire the arrow at them... not away!Click for full image

A scary witch-shard in the middle. Who am I to deny the cover of something the title mentions? Oh, and some dude firing a bow. OH, and some scary bear creeping up in the background. OHHHH – and some hot women with a dagger giving the uncomfortable twisted-body ass-pose. But most importantly: Shiny, keep it shiny.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.15 out of 10)
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Oct 23

Internet dating succcccckkkksss!!Click for full image

Click for new, improved, hi-def image

There are few times in life when I boast of attaining perfection. The fonts, the scary woman who looks a little too desperate for a man, the man frozen as he runs away, the mist, the obligatory quote and lets not forget the glow. I can see it now. We are giving them something so beautiful that people will shed tears of joy.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.74 out of 10)
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