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Jul 07

His trouser snake finally got the better of him.Click for full image

Dave Comments: Let’s see. We have a guy in a tree, with a sword, getting ready to lop of the head of a snake, with its head super-imposed against The Moon. Paging Dr. Freud!
Published 1983

Hey, I’ve seen that scene in the jungle book!!
Many thanks to Dave!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.41 out of 10)
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Jul 01

Lets not kill him, lets see if he digs my Deep Purple riffs first.Click for full image

Don Comments: OK, we’ve seen tons of perms and oodles of mullets on these covers – but I do believe this is the first permed mullet. (Pullet?) Assuming that’s the eponymous Bard whose Tale this is, he’s apparently not the brightest light in the harbor, since he a) agreed to accompany his hairdresser on a thieving expedition from an albino lizard-man (do such things EVER end well?) and b) misunderstood her when she said she wanted him along to carry the loot.
Published 1993

Many thanks to the Don!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.20 out of 10)
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Jun 21

Lets not fight, in fact here. Have my wife.Click for full image

Rose Comments: Let’s see what you have here. We asked for a road…yes, well done. And some people in elf suits. And a really big, really stupid–oh…wow…
Published 1979

Another Heinlein, what fun!
Many thanks to Rose!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.40 out of 10)
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Jun 10

Susan! Stop posing dramatically and help me catch our dinner!Click for full image

Art Direction: We all know from popular science fiction when one is stranded on a planet we loose clothing. It always ends up with a women in a mere bikini watching a man in a spear fight with some sort of daemon creature. Always! So draw it kinda like Robinson Crusoe… except with more breasts. And aliens.
Published 1983

Thanks to the Legend Dave R!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.00 out of 10)
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May 25

Of all the weird things around us to attack... you choose the tree?!?Click for full image

Jen Comments: A warlock and his robotic horse battle a carnivorous tree who collects stuffed animals and leprechauns, while farting evil smoke into the mouth of a nearby menacing castle. Meanwhile, a knight and his lady ride past, oblivious. Sadly, a surprisingly accurate depiction of the book. And yes, I paid $5 for it.

Insane thanks to Jen!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.66 out of 10)
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May 21

SENTAUR KAT IZ WATCHIN U MASTURBATE.Click for full image

Jessie Comments: This cover is so atrocious that every time I go to read it, I just can’t. It’s definitely among the top three worst covers I’ve ever seen.
Published 1995

That is epic. Simply epic! Thanks to Jessie!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.93 out of 10)
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May 19

phhhoarrr Moses had some incredible thighs!Click for full image

Well after CSA’s comments yesterday with Mr Ellison I noted he said this, “We should post a pic of the Bible tomorrow and see if Jesus posts within 24hours.”

I decided to take him up on that suggestion with this, sent into me about a year ago. And to Mr Ellison, I sent CSA to bed last night without super and I didn’t even read him his nightly install of Harry Potter verses Terminator. Thanks for commenting!

A real cover will be posted later!

Good Show Sir, Good Sir.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.90 out of 10)
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May 12

With a mustache like this and abs like these, who wouldn't show them off?Click for full image

Giles Comments: I love the Taltos novels, but these covers actually stopped me buying the books several times – they’re so cheesy. True, the artist gets some credit for getting the jhereg (the winged reptile) approximately right, but that doesn’t really offset the general awfulness.

Tache-tastic! Thanks to Giles!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.17 out of 10)
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May 11

GAH, there's hardly enough room in this border for an evil ork to swing his arms!Click for full image

Eron comments: This cover isn’t really funny. The art isn’t even particularly bad. But a warning to anyone who has ever even had the passing notion to take a graphic design class: do not look at this cover, you will get a rage-migrane for days. The layout is so shockingly poor and amateur that the thought that someone got paid for this, not beaten in a alley, just plain makes me want to drink whiskey and punch random objects!

My eyes…my eyes! Thanks to Eron!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.94 out of 10)
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May 10

Get into that ship or you'll have to sleep with the fat ewok!Click for full image

Hex Comments: The guy on the left is a sort of expert undercover first contact agent, whose job is to alter the course of developing cultures on newly-discovered worlds to suit the needs of Earth. How he manages to do it while being chafed by that jockstrap I will never understand. Sometimes I gaze at the Yeti in a jumper while I try to figure it out.

Incidentally, this book is spattered with grimly bad black and white illustrations that completely contradict the style of the cover. Nice work, Ace!

Excellent! Thanks Hex!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.29 out of 10)
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