Mar 03
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Look, we need to appeal to both genders here. So we’ll have a male body fused with a female body from head to toe, in a kinda strange almost rubbery way. Obviously we’ll only show some cleavage because the last thing we’d want on there is a huge Johnson.
Thanks to Nix!
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Tagged with: BEHIND YOU! • cleavage • damsel • devil's dumplings • dude • exposed brain • font problems • Futura Publications • Meyer Dolinsky • Michael Adams • Mike Adams • Mike Dolinsky • starkers • statuesque • Unknown Artist Institute
Mar 02
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So lets say we have a black man and I really mean black. We’ll have him dressed in white skin, with nipples, because without the nipples it would just look strange. I am sure we can fob it off as social commentary. As long as we have the nipples.
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Tagged with: Coronet Science Fiction books • Dominic Flandry Series • dude • Poul Anderson • statuesque • Unknown Artist Institute • WTF
Feb 25
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The great artists of our time had a formula for where the human eye would automatically look to when presented with a work of art. At that precise point I know exactly what we need. A huge horse’s head, in pain, as it gets speared by a crazed redhead.
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Tagged with: bladed weapons • damsel • DAW Books • dude • font problems • Gordon Crabb • horses • Jim Burns • magic • pole weapons • S.L. Farrell • spear • staff • surprised horse • The Cloudmages series
Feb 23
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Nothinggets the attention ofwomen more than standing in the midst of an ice cavern with little clothes and showing off your bare chest. Holding your short sword in an inspiring way while standing by your Viking boat sleigh. That’s right. A boat sleigh.
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Tagged with: bladed weapons • Boris Vallejo • cloaks • damsel • dude • Eric Iverson • Gerin the Fox series • Harry Turtledove • muscles • sword • Trojan Books
Feb 18
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Every man, or lord of the lands, needs a hairy companion. And what would they do together I hear your mind ask. Well they would go hill walking, dress in lovely princely clothes and watch the sun set together over the lands of… America? Wait… what?
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Tagged with: beard-wielding • bladed weapons • cloaks • dude • Greg Call • long haired men • pointing • Ron Sarti • spear • sword
Feb 11
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What in the name of Poseidon is this? A naked woman?! Look, we can’t have it go out like that, at least cover her up with something adequate, like a skimpy piece of cloth and some small shells covering a small portion of her cleavage. And have her standing on a chained man, pointing her sword at him. That way, it’s acceptable.
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Tagged with: bladed weapons • cleavage • damsel • dude • John Russell Fearn • loincloth • muscles • sword • Trojan Books • Unknown Artist Institute
Feb 10
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You know what’s on the way back in terms of being considered manly? Pink! That’s right. So we’ll have a lot of it. And on top of that epic dose of man we’ll add more layers of manliness. A crewcut, a crossbow and most importantly a stomach wound. That’s one large slice of man-cake for your eyes.
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Tagged with: crossbow • dude • Joel Rosenberg • Metzada series • planets • space ships • Unknown Artist Institute • unknown publisher • war • wounds
Feb 04
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I’ll tell you want you need. And skin it for free. Sorry, I mean what you need are bubble helmets and plenty of them. Nothing screams, ‘we’re in the future’ more than bubble helmets. With space suits of different unnecessarily bright colours. It’s the new retro. Or, the same as the previous retro… pretro?
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Tagged with: beard-wielding • bubble helmet • damsel • dude • ill-fitting spacesuit • Julie Bell • Michael Flynn • space • Tor Books
Feb 03
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There is one thing we should be about, fonts! Lots of them. Vast and glorious as they confuse your mind. Then we’ll just have something completely unoriginal on the cover. Something like, oh I don’t know, some marines firing their weapons at an tribal people who live in the trees. Sounds like a crap B movie eh? Ah ha ha ha ha.
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Tagged with: Ballantine Books • Dan Cragg • David Sherman • dude • font problems • gun • Mark Harrison • Starfist series • war
Feb 02
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Everyone is into wizards these days. Your friends, that strange shopkeeper next door who just stares at you, even your mother! Sorry… but who wouldn’t appreciate a mullet wielding wizard with a sexy open ripped shirt, kneeling next to a dragon in the midst of a spell? Teenagers? Well… mmm… uh… uh oh.
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Tagged with: Ace Books • dragon • dude • Lost Years of Merlin series • magic • merlin • Mike Wimmer • T.A. Barron • Tom Barron • Wizaaaaaaaard!
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