Good Show Sir

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Thanks to Nix who says:

_Patterns of Chaos_ is a slightly famous book with a lot of amazing setpiece scenes which could have been used for the cover, starting with the destruction of entire planets, meticulously described, and ending with a transgalactic trip to a memorably unpleasant destination. If any book counts as overblown space opera, this one does.

So what did they use for the cover? A scowling cowled bloke, a weird plant, a badly-designed castle and a random number generator.

(Average: 5.01 out of 10)

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So lets say we have a black man and I really mean black. We’ll have him dressed in white skin, with nipples, because without the nipples it would just look strange. I am sure we can fob it off as social commentary. As long as we have the nipples.

(Average: 8.65 out of 10)

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Throw out this idea of a whole picture and think in terms of layers. Just concentrate on four of them, a women with a bad hair cut firing a laser, a tiny women in a floating tea cup, a huge bald guy about to attack and some people in an arena watching. Slap it all together and we’re sorted!

(Average: 7.61 out of 10)

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I don’t know where I’ve been for the past few days, but I found this written on the back of my hand: Blue black skin, golden eyes, brain tubes, explosions, horrified expression, spaced out look, glass dome head.

Oh wait, it’s just all the classic symptoms of reading a collection of Sci-Fi stories.

(Average: 8.75 out of 10)

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Oh, I know: I had this strange dream last night, possibly a nightmare. We’ll have a horse, the mare, charging through a book case, transparent like a ghost, into the view of a typical accountant type. Lapels and booze bottles around him, just like real life. Just kidding of course, we’ll have to make him look like he’s washed recently.

(Average: 4.37 out of 10)

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You know what a book cover can never have enough of? That’s right chum, text. Lets fire as much on there as possible. And possibly some worm creature being attacked by guys with guns. But that’s secondary, no in fact it’s tertiary, to the fonts with their various marvelous colours and shapes.

(Average: 7.00 out of 10)

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Ok! What would gods normally do, while inhabiting the body of a busty half naked women? Hmmm, how about standing by a sweet tower glowing oddly, on all fours in front of some sort of cat creature and swinging a sword about to decapitate a snake. Gods are all about the sexual innuendo! Yeaaaaahhhhaaa!

Thanks to David D!

(Average: 7.96 out of 10)

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Nothing sells books better than Jesus! Just look at the sales of the Bible, top seller every year. So we’ll have three crosses on a hill, that’s the Jesus part. Then some guy kneeling next to a bleeding fleshy cocoon, that’s the sci-fi part. With this cover, we’re fulfilling the prophecy! Just kidding, now get me more coffee!

(Average: 5.82 out of 10)

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EVIL CHILDREN! With red eyes! And lasers coming from an evil red orb or possibly some sort of moon, lighting up the evil child with even more red! And People! Just watching the red moon! Ok, I’m calmed down, what’s this about a book cover?

(Average: 6.83 out of 10)

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So, how about a women of a darker colour? And by darker colour I clearly mean black, like really black. Like Spinal Tap black album black, oh and long white hair with scary eyebrows. And a strange furry bat-like creature on her shoulder. In the never-ending game of distraction it might take away from the obvious faux pas.

(Average: 7.54 out of 10)

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