Good Show Sir

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Chess? I’m sure that’s interesting and all but that gives me nothing to work with. No wait.. it does. Pink! Pink everything up, go for the windowed look, and make sure there are lots of things blurred slightly by the light. Maybe they’ll miss out on the chess part completely!

(Average: 5.30 out of 10)

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Eyelashes! We’ll have a dragon with eyelashes, peering over at some wizard reading his dragon magical book. It won’t just be any mage, he’ll have a magical staff! Unheard of I know. And a side parting to make the king of side partings proud. As for the title, make it silver. We have to stand out somehow.

(Average: 6.19 out of 10)

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Nothing says, ‘I’m one hundred percent pure man,’ than a glowing sword, blonde curtains and a cape with some red velvet lining. We’ll have him charging towards the reader on his horse, waving his sword and smiling manically. Make sure the fonts have at least three layers of bordering!

(Average: 4.59 out of 10)

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You know what I love about Ireland? All the dwarfs, the mysterious dark riders on horses, the barmaids that insist on carrying a bow and arrow with them, the extreme landscapes and, of course, the rainbows so I know where to find my pot of gold. We should turn that into a cover someday, my boy.

(Average: 5.97 out of 10)

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Two fine gentlemen sir! Both of them wearing only the finest apparel that royalty can buy. On top of the highest castle tower pointing into the distance in ponderous thought. Leaving the viewer with a single thought, ‘Health and safety ain’t great in this castle.’

(Average: 3.93 out of 10)

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Art shouldn’t be confined to one side of a book, so span it across front AND back! And I am talking full-on epic here. Guy carried by a lizard horse dragon thing, shoots his laser at… wait for it….. dwarfs with spears riding on the backs of kangaroos! It will be a Sci-Fi craze! I’m sure it will just be as popular as man-tigers… Ahahahaha……………..

Thanks again to Chris R! You’re a legend!

(Average: 8.60 out of 10)

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Look I know it’s unusual but I want an actual lynx. It doesn’t stand up like a human, it doesn’t hold some sort of laser rifle, nor does it appear from a space ship. I just want it pouncing across the cover with a princely guy in a white cape leaping with it, while he grasps his sword. That’s not as cheesy right?

(Average: 4.63 out of 10)

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Some artists define a generation: Picasso, Michelangelo, Paul Klee… I want you to be inspired by their works and create something for me. Think of these things: hookers, cats, bats, stereotype vampires, a real man with long cheesy hair holding his long sword. And to make it art, we place them all…. between worlds! Together, my friend, we will define the next generation!

(Average: 7.45 out of 10)

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Magical orb, merlin apparition, surprised expression, terrible haircuts, horrific blue robe, cheesy green and gold crest, nerd throne, chains leading to nowhere, potions, books…. huh? Oh I’m just saying random words… think you could get it all in there?

(Average: 5.74 out of 10)

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