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Jul 01

Fortress of Frost and Fire

35 Comments »

Lets not kill him, lets see if he digs my Deep Purple riffs first.Click for full image

Don Comments: OK, we’ve seen tons of perms and oodles of mullets on these covers – but I do believe this is the first permed mullet. (Pullet?) Assuming that’s the eponymous Bard whose Tale this is, he’s apparently not the brightest light in the harbor, since he a) agreed to accompany his hairdresser on a thieving expedition from an albino lizard-man (do such things EVER end well?) and b) misunderstood her when she said she wanted him along to carry the loot.
Published 1993

Many thanks to the Don!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.61 out of 10)
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Jun 15

Retief to the Rescue

17 Comments »

I smell something fishy....Click for full image

Don’s Art Direction: This is a humorous novel about an interstellar diplomat. He’s suave, he’s debonair, and everything in the book’s played for laughs. So we want a horrific tentacle-headed, four-eyed, jelly-legged alien leaping at him with a spear. And we can’t afford the tux rental, so just use whatever your model’s wearing when he comes over from his rehearsal of A CHORUS LINE. But add some muscles! Retief is a two-fisted guy, no doubt with mighty thews! We don’t know what “thews” are, actually, but we’ll know ’em when we see ’em and by God he better have ’em! THEWS!
Published 1983

So it’s comedy. But it’s not a joke on the genre. That’s ok right?
Awesome! Thanks the Don!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.70 out of 10)
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Jun 03

Ku Gwiazdom (To The Stars Trilogy)

27 Comments »

What can I say, the camera loves me.Click for full image
(To The Stars: Homeworld)

Javier’s Art Direction: How about a slightly hunched, skinny, pasty white guy with a furry mustache and a laser gun that goes beep standing in front of an orange city?

Tom Seleck in space?
Click for full image
(To The Stars: Wheelworld)

Too tired, in a rush, he's probably shooting the wrong way anyway.Click for full image
(To The Stars: Starworld)

Suspiciously good “photos”… Excellent though!
Many thanks to Javier!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.73 out of 10)
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Jun 02

Eternity Brigade

22 Comments »

Like the great aurora borealis, the eternity brigade neon sign sweeps the sky.Click for full image

Lauren Comments: The colors on this are just so awful. And spike heels? But at least she’s not in a fur bikini. Although he appears to be having some wardrobe malfunction with his shirt.

At least he doesn’t have a mullet!
Thanks to Lauren!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.12 out of 10)
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May 27

Pride of Chanur

34 Comments »

I don't need clothes when I have a team of cat people to surround my modesty.Click for full image

Johannah’s Art Direction: Okay, two words: Cat People! Yes, again. But this time we’ll have five of them surrounding a naked guy with a mustache. The one in front will be pointing a gun and the one next to him will be holding a futuristic mobile communication device. And let’s throw in a few of those aliens from the Mos Eisley Cantina for good measure. What’s that sound? Are you crying? Look, those art school loans aren’t going to pay themselves off. Just get painting already.

Awesome cover, excellent rug!
Thanks to Johannah!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.88 out of 10)
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May 25

The Warlock Insane

34 Comments »

Of all the weird things around us to attack... you choose the tree?!?Click for full image

Jen Comments: A warlock and his robotic horse battle a carnivorous tree who collects stuffed animals and leprechauns, while farting evil smoke into the mouth of a nearby menacing castle. Meanwhile, a knight and his lady ride past, oblivious. Sadly, a surprisingly accurate depiction of the book. And yes, I paid $5 for it.

Insane thanks to Jen!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.37 out of 10)
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May 21

Dagger’s Point

42 Comments »

SENTAUR KAT IZ WATCHIN U MASTURBATE.Click for full image

Jessie Comments: This cover is so atrocious that every time I go to read it, I just can’t. It’s definitely among the top three worst covers I’ve ever seen.
Published 1995

That is epic. Simply epic! Thanks to Jessie!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.90 out of 10)
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May 13

Time Enough for Love

39 Comments »

Things started well for Tim, till his subjects died of pneumonia.Click for full image

Leo Comments: Nothing says “Sci-Fi” like a robed guy reading to some naked ladies infront of a box full of bleeps and bloops. I havent read this book yet but I’m sure I’m in for a wild ride.

The Perms.. the perms! Thanks Leo!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.39 out of 10)
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Apr 20

The Star Beast

24 Comments »

Wow... who cares about the huge strange alien creature behind you. Orange trousers.. really?Click for full image

Jen Comments: I have no words. Someday, I’m going to have to build up the courage to actually read this.

Amazing! Thanks Jen!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.99 out of 10)
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Apr 14

Distant Friends And Others

12 Comments »

He's ok, it's just the after effects of watching Glee.Click for full image

Jen’s Art Direction: A book about telepaths, you say? You’re blowing my mind. In fact, that’s just what we need on the cover! A man with his head exploding! And if that doesn’t just scream sci-fi, we’ll put him in coveralls and put after-images of him all over the place. Oh, and emboss it. All of it. I want everything to stand out.

Thanks so much to Jen!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.70 out of 10)
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