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Feb 16

Hurry up, Dick, I want those alligator shoesClick for full image

Tom Noir Comments: Everybody’s naked, but the crocodile is the only one that looks like it is having fun here.

Published 1973

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.29 out of 10)
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Dec 15

Monkeyshines!Click for full image

Raoul Comments: It’s like an Escher print with Dick Blade and the monkey both in front of each other.
Published 1979

You might remember this from here

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.59 out of 10)
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Aug 04

''Call me Dick!''Click to engorge that cover image

Tom Noir Comments: What shall we discuss here? The princess on the giant bean bag bed? Blade threatening a man with a corkscrew? Or the ‘stiff breeze’ inside a room with no windows?

Published 1976

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.67 out of 10)
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Mar 04

He's been on the tanning bed all day... now it's time to get wild!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: That stare and that belt buckle. Pretty sure he’s thinking, “X marks the spot, ladies.” Then again maybe not, because that would make this a pirate story, and it’s already a sci-fi erotic spy thriller, so that might be a bit much.
Published 1975

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.81 out of 10)
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Jun 01

But he looked so trustworthy... with the magic crystals... and explosions....Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: Ye poor souls, gaze upon the beardy face of PURE EEEEEEVIL!
Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.38 out of 10)
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Apr 10

ALL UR BASES ARE BELONG TO MY PECKS!Click for full glorious image

Tom Noir Comments: America’s Explosive Tomorrow – Where men are men! Except when those men are also cars. And sometimes the car men cover their crotches with hubcaps, cause that’s what car men like, OKAY? What are YOU looking at, buster?? Does this cheese grater belt make by hips look big? Dammit.
Published 1991

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.80 out of 10)
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Oct 30

Men... always fighting with their snakes... HEYOOOOOOO!Click for full image

Frank Comments: What’s with the nipple jewelry on the lady’s leather armor?
Published 1982

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.77 out of 10)
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Mar 01

Looks like Balzan forgot his glasses again. OYE BALZAN! They're behind you!Click for slightly bigger picture

Alessandra Comments: The cover isn’t really awful, although it is pretty behind the curve for 1975. What got me was the hideous font lightning effect, the confusing typography (the title is actually “The Blood Stones”), and the extreme genericness of the cover — oh, and the Conan-gets-a-mullet hairdo.
Published 1975

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.97 out of 10)
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Feb 07

It's like, how much more purple could this be? and the answer is none. None more purple.Click for full image

Joachim Comments:Man with heavy mascara, in a purple cloud, with a star, sparkling, under his eye…. Is paradise a purple cloud?
Published 1971

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.35 out of 10)
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Aug 15

Holiday pictures are always so awkward.Click for full image

MisterBOB Comments: A window on Narnia, where they can wave to you?
Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.88 out of 10)
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