Apr 26

Alessandra Comments: This is one of those subtly wrong covers. What’s up with the faces? And looking closer, the anatomy. His eyes are oddly round and oddly placed, a little too close together and a little too skewed to our right. Her right eye (on our left) is too low, giving her an odd one-eyed (or in the right light, three-eyed) look. Not a cover that screams its wrongness, but still eye-watering when you look closely.
Published 1983

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Tagged with: Bantam Books • Barclay Shaw • damsel • dude • font problems • gibberish title • glow • jumpsuit • once you see it • portal to another world • Ralph Mylius • Warren Norwood
Apr 23
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Max Comments: I read the paperback version of this back in the day and it had a nice cover which represented the content of the book quite well. This original hardback, on the other hand, has none of those things. It’s a barbarian and perhaps an elf-woman on thrones, in hell, staring into a satanic-goat-festooned portal to THE COSMOS. The back’s got some crystal pyramids on it.
Published 1988

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Tagged with: daemons • damsel • dude • evil • fire • Iain M. Banks • Macmillan Books • Richard Hopkinson • WTF
Apr 16
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Colette’s Art Direction: I want an attractive couple on another planet who wear ribbons instead of actual clothing. But I guess we need something that will make it seem horrible AND sexy, so can you add a long trail of golden ectoplasm to the woman’s lower body? It should imply “you have radiant womb” and not “you should immediately see a doctor about that.”
Published 1973

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Tagged with: damsel • Dell Books • dude • fire • Leo P. Kelley • loincloth • moon • planets • strapping outfit • Unknown Artist Institute • WTF
Apr 13
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Jeremy’s Art Direction: We need the most evil guy ever. Ever! And the goofiest looking assassin you can muster!
Published 1982

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Tagged with: cloaks • damsel • dude • evil • frickin laser beams • gun • Mike Resnick • Signet Books • space • Unknown Artist Institute
Apr 12
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Durbin Comments: This is actually a pretty decent book. It’s the story of a golden sorceress dragon and a male cellist who battle an evil dragon in the Sierra Nevada mountains. There are no skateboards, blonde girls, rainbow dragons, Valley girl fashions, or palm trees. There is, however, a passing mention of cats.
Published 1990

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Tagged with: Ace Books • damsel • dragon • font problems • Good Show Sir • Haircut 100 • lizards • Rowena Morrill • strange creature • Thorarinn Gunnarsson • WTF
Apr 10
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Richard Comments: The spaceman in the foreground is both scared and turned on.
Published 1969

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Tagged with: Avram Davidson • bladed weapons • cleavage • damsel • dude • inadequate armor • Jack Gaughan • Pyramid Books • shields • space ship • space suit • suggestive • sword
Apr 05
Here we are again! It’s been a while for the old honourable mentions but it’s come to that time of year when a can of irn-bru and chocolate is considered an acceptable breakfast!
So if you are having a weekend off I hope you enjoy it and if not… well enjoy these covers that don’t quite make our high standards but we think deserve a special mention.
Have fun!
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Good Show Sir Comments: I love Mark Hamill’s pose on this one. It’s got that, “Why are you drawing me?” Look.
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Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: Well I like these three drawings you’ve done. I know! Lets just put them all together on the cover.
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Matthew’s Art Direction: I want the scariest-looking monster that you can think of on the front!
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Stripey Baz Comments: I’m no purveyor of romance novels or indeed Norwegian literature, but I’m pretty sure that it’s not a good thing to have a mutton-chopped blaggard slap a fair maiden across her face. Given the angle that he’s standing at, his body must have twisted like one of those plastic toy action figures…

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Tagged with: damsel • dude • evil children • frickin laser beams • Frid Ingulstad • gun • Honourable Mentions • monsters • Penguin Science Fiction • Steve Jackson • strange creature • Timothy Zahn • Ting! • Troy Denning • Unknown Artist Institute • unknown publisher • WTF
Mar 30

Alessandra’s Art Direction: Like early Dungeons and Dragons manual covers, but cruder, with an astronaut threatening Godzilla with a giant pencil tied to a notepad on his back. Oh, and a chick on an altar wearing a skintight rosy pink bodysuit, because this is spiritual writing, darnit!
Published 1996

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Tagged with: damsel • dude • human sacrifice • lizards • monsters • Skysong Press • space suit • Steve Stanton • WTF
Mar 29
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MisterBOB’S Art Direction: Put an ad in a newsagent window for teenager model wanted for artist reference, do not scare him!
Published 1992

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Tagged with: BEHIND YOU! • castle • cave • damsel • George Smith • Red Fox Books • robes • Tamora Pierce • wizard's hat
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