Good Show Sir

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Ok! What would gods normally do, while inhabiting the body of a busty half naked women? Hmmm, how about standing by a sweet tower glowing oddly, on all fours in front of some sort of cat creature and swinging a sword about to decapitate a snake. Gods are all about the sexual innuendo! Yeaaaaahhhhaaa!

Thanks to David D!

(Average: 7.96 out of 10)

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Fantasy readers can’t think for themselves! They need one thing, hyper realism! It’s a phrase I’m coining. So well have a guy in his pajamas and an old women in a dressing gown staring at a magical glowing orb in the palm of the dudes hand. All set within a dark forest.

(Average: 5.41 out of 10)

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Nothing says, ‘I’m one hundred percent pure man,’ than a glowing sword, blonde curtains and a cape with some red velvet lining. We’ll have him charging towards the reader on his horse, waving his sword and smiling manically. Make sure the fonts have at least three layers of bordering!

(Average: 4.62 out of 10)

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You know the two things that make everything look fantastic? Glow and blur. The best photoshop tools money can buy. So we’ll have a glowing blurry tattooed man with a wolves head! And some girl with some glowly blurry transparency around her. Make sure the title is huge and don’t forget to blur what you can.

(Average: 5.63 out of 10)

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We all know what men want. Hunky muscles and tight underwear. No? Uh, strange stone monoliths? No? Leopard skin capes. No? Three horns coming out of his skull? What, seriously, no? Alright, have them all, but add two naked women caressing him. Classy eh? Actually, don’t answer me this time.

Thanks to CSA!

(Average: 8.46 out of 10)

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There are few times in life when I boast of attaining perfection. The fonts, the scary woman who looks a little too desperate for a man, the man frozen as he runs away, the mist, the obligatory quote and lets not forget the glow. I can see it now. We are giving them something so beautiful that people will shed tears of joy.

(Average: 8.39 out of 10)

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Hello there sir, could I stop you for a quick survey today? Excellent. Imagine that we gave you a cover that included terrible fonts, a man with a very chiseled chin in some sort of armour, holding his short bow. Then pump tons of strange glows and lens flare on places you’d not expect. On scale of one to ten, how likely are you going to take this on a bus with you? Sir? Come back! Sir?

(Average: 7.61 out of 10)

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With such a great confulence of fantasy and romance, we must voyage into a realm of highest art and… ahhh, who am I kidding. Busty red headed women holding her huge dagger! Do not, on your life, forget the glow.

(Average: 6.98 out of 10)

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Hey! You there beside the water cooler. What books you into these days? Narina? Narninia? Fine, let’s say a lion. And you with the coffee, what do you like? Chicks with swords. Awesome, slap them both on there. Best lens flare the hell out of the background though. I think we need something to grab people’s attention!

(Average: 6.58 out of 10)

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We’ve both been talking this over and really there is one thing we need on our cover. A horrific font! Have it big, bold, blocky and have the ‘fought’ look like someone has tried to adjust the colour balance in photoshop and then forgot about it. For the rest, just have some women crawling out of the air vent shooting an android. But seriously, who cares about the artwork these days.

(Average: 6.58 out of 10)

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