Good Show Sir

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Art Direction: Hilarious escapade? Well then, no one is going to care what we put on there. In fact lets just put everything we can! Including Centaurs, which I hear are the next big thing. And we’ll have giant people with planets for faces! We’ll stop there but wait till you see what I have in mind for the font!
Published 2001

(Average: 5.83 out of 10)

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Jeff’s Art Direction: First off, what do you think of when I say “Dreams of Steel?” Did you immediately think of a partially leather-clad dagger wielding S&M addict conjuring a pig-dog-reptile thing from out of a rainbow? You did!? Oh, and I guess we better stick something on the cover relating to the story… like a Black Company shield on the pillar. Perfect!

Amazing! Thanks Jeff!

(Average: 8.00 out of 10)

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Eron Comments: This cover is particularly appalling because of it’s simplicity. We get the text: Unicorns. Peace. Then the image: Unicorn. Twilight. BIG ORANGE Unicorn. Castle. Sure. Also, it seems to me that something is wrong on the perspective on the unicorn… it’s sort of falling on it’s side if I’m seeing it correctly?

Many thanks to Eron!

(Average: 6.54 out of 10)

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I’ll tell you want you need. And skin it for free. Sorry, I mean what you need are bubble helmets and plenty of them. Nothing screams, ‘we’re in the future’ more than bubble helmets. With space suits of different unnecessarily bright colours. It’s the new retro. Or, the same as the previous retro… pretro?

(Average: 6.76 out of 10)

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I’ve heard on the grapevine that science fiction slash fantasy readers only want one thing. Naked women! What’s with that, eh? What we need are dudes. The type that make you feel really uncomfortable. No mention of fantasy or anything. Just a dude and… The Quest!

(Average: 8.55 out of 10)

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Hmm, putting on our thinking caps here. ‘Servant of the Dragon’ …. Servant …. Dragon… DRAGON.. of course! Lets have a huge scary, bird! It makes complete sense. We’ll have wizards, swords men and damsels fighting it. One word to descibe my idea, epic!

(Average: 6.27 out of 10)

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Well I asked my teenage son and he said, “Running, running women, with barely any clothes, a mass amount of muscles, two of them running in the desert wilderness towards victory.” Just kidding, I said that. Best throw in a flying robot and a dragon to chase after them. There’s no better running motivation than death, eh!

Thanks to Dave K!

(Average: 7.83 out of 10)

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A hunky swordsman, an old Robin Hood character, and a strange female sorceress. Now, because our trio are wanting to keep themselves undercover, give the hunky one a Zorro mask to cover his eyebrows and nose. No-one will ever know his true identity. No-one!

(Average: 4.41 out of 10)

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Well, we’ve got the red on there, ’cause of fire being in the title. We’ve got the epic dragon and the merlin esk wizard with his magic orb. But we’re missing something. Something that’s going to make someone pick up the book and think, ‘this is the one.’ Of course!! Surround the title in an awesome gold shiny goodness!

(Average: 4.26 out of 10)

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I’m not one to stray from tradition. I’m talking about a dragon in the background, as black as…. uh… AC/DC? Peering at our antagonist will be a huge white wolf and her damsel companion holding the tiniest of flames. Remember, I am also talking traditional proportions here, so make sure nothing is sized relative to anything else. Now who’s up for some Hells’ Bells?

(Average: 6.80 out of 10)

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