Good Show Sir

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Chess? I’m sure that’s interesting and all but that gives me nothing to work with. No wait.. it does. Pink! Pink everything up, go for the windowed look, and make sure there are lots of things blurred slightly by the light. Maybe they’ll miss out on the chess part completely!

(Average: 5.40 out of 10)

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Naked people? You’re right, we can’t have two yellow glowing buck-naked people standing on some far away planet, with the man pointing upwards towards some awful green moon that takes up 80% of the cover. Oh I know, cover their jibblets with some storks. And we’re sorted!

Happy St. Patricks day! – Good Show Sir

(Average: 8.03 out of 10)

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Eighties cartoons are just fantastic, aren’t they. Wait a second… What if we go for that eighties look? Musclebound guy wearing strange straps which have no benefit and gold bracelets. Holding aloft his magic glowing scepter. No one is going to forget this cover anytime soon!

(Average: 8.02 out of 10)

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A naked man wrestles a lion man – who is wearing a speedo I should point out – on top of a mound of fire. Yes, I did just say that out loud. And I want a huge snake in there, with a collar. And I do mean snake, that’s not a euphemism, but then again nothing to stop us from putting some ass on there too.

(Average: 8.63 out of 10)

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Thanks to Nix who says:

_Patterns of Chaos_ is a slightly famous book with a lot of amazing setpiece scenes which could have been used for the cover, starting with the destruction of entire planets, meticulously described, and ending with a transgalactic trip to a memorably unpleasant destination. If any book counts as overblown space opera, this one does.

So what did they use for the cover? A scowling cowled bloke, a weird plant, a badly-designed castle and a random number generator.

(Average: 5.01 out of 10)

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Look, we need to appeal to both genders here. So we’ll have a male body fused with a female body from head to toe, in a kinda strange almost rubbery way. Obviously we’ll only show some cleavage because the last thing we’d want on there is a huge Johnson.

Thanks to Nix!

(Average: 6.48 out of 10)

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So lets say we have a black man and I really mean black. We’ll have him dressed in white skin, with nipples, because without the nipples it would just look strange. I am sure we can fob it off as social commentary. As long as we have the nipples.

(Average: 8.65 out of 10)

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Look the font is just too big we can’t fit the whole word in there. But hold on… Hold on a god damn second. What if we spelt it, DRA – GON and put it on two separate lines? Then all we’d have to do is add a dragon firing a laser from its mouth. God, I’m good.

It has come to our attention that this book is not Sci-fi nor fantasy. It is in fact a political thriller.
We appologise, but the cover is still amazing!

– Good Show Sir

(Average: 8.55 out of 10)

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I don’t know where I’ve been for the past few days, but I found this written on the back of my hand: Blue black skin, golden eyes, brain tubes, explosions, horrified expression, spaced out look, glass dome head.

Oh wait, it’s just all the classic symptoms of reading a collection of Sci-Fi stories.

(Average: 8.75 out of 10)

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What in the name of Poseidon is this? A naked woman?! Look, we can’t have it go out like that, at least cover her up with something adequate, like a skimpy piece of cloth and some small shells covering a small portion of her cleavage. And have her standing on a chained man, pointing her sword at him. That way, it’s acceptable.

(Average: 4.62 out of 10)

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