Good Show Sir

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Women love their horses and I’m pretty sure everyone grows up wanting that pony all their life. So that’s what we’ll give ’em. Except give the horse a certain quality, an almost surprised expression as he stares off into the vast distance. And give the L&D letters of the title a black fill. I can’t see that one back-firing.

(Average: 5.67 out of 10)

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Look, I am busy – what the hell do you want? Cover ideas? My god, man. You’re new here, right? Here’s the sheet, it has everything we need. Huge terrible multicoloured fonts, obligatory best selling author line and something like a women in a space suit looking generally awful. Don’t worry kid, you’ll pick it up soon enough. Then you’ll be one with us. Don’t run… don’t run…

(Average: 5.11 out of 10)

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OH man, do I have a bad hangover! I need something soothing, like a half naked teenager holding a guitar and a bit of blood trickling from his mouth. His hair slicked back, his skin pale like that of a… vampire! That’s right, I did just suggest it: a vampire guitarist! Uh-oh, I’m going to be sick.

(Average: 8.49 out of 10)

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Naked people? You’re right, we can’t have two yellow glowing buck-naked people standing on some far away planet, with the man pointing upwards towards some awful green moon that takes up 80% of the cover. Oh I know, cover their jibblets with some storks. And we’re sorted!

Happy St. Patricks day! – Good Show Sir

(Average: 7.97 out of 10)

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Eighties cartoons are just fantastic, aren’t they. Wait a second… What if we go for that eighties look? Musclebound guy wearing strange straps which have no benefit and gold bracelets. Holding aloft his magic glowing scepter. No one is going to forget this cover anytime soon!

(Average: 7.95 out of 10)

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Look, I’m all for drawing yourself on the cover – but it comes at a price. A translucent alien head staring at the reader, some lightning on the hills and (my forte) flying avocados! And I really mean avocados with pink wings. With that all there, you can just draw how you feel.

(Average: 8.51 out of 10)

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A naked man wrestles a lion man – who is wearing a speedo I should point out – on top of a mound of fire. Yes, I did just say that out loud. And I want a huge snake in there, with a collar. And I do mean snake, that’s not a euphemism, but then again nothing to stop us from putting some ass on there too.

(Average: 8.62 out of 10)

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When you think of a daemonic ritual you think about, gold five pointed stars, lots of gargoyle creatures sitting around and a golden sparkle female rising up in a plume of golden magic with the sharpest of teeth, right? No? Well just draw it or you don’t get paid!

(Average: 8.40 out of 10)

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Holy crap. We need something to distract from that bright silver font we’re using. So, how about a guy with an eye patch posing with weapons and a women doing the very same thing. Put a moon in the background, and by background I mean most of the cover.

(Average: 5.32 out of 10)

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A collection of fantasy stories? Well I know what they’ll want. A huge barbarian with a ponytail swinging his axe at randomly placed wood. Hmm, you’re right, needs thickened out. Throw a stereotype wizard/fireball combination in there and some damsel with a sword.

(Average: 6.45 out of 10)

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