Apr 09
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Well I am thinking, man in miniskirt stands in the background with a very large sword. Then we’ll have a man standing in the foreground thrusting his sword from his pelvis as he furiously… well. Lets just say he looks furious, the destroyed viewers’ minds will do the rest.

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Tagged with: bladed weapons • bracers • dude • male skirts • muscles • Peter Mennim • Simon R. Green • strapping outfit • sword
Mar 23
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Chess? I’m sure that’s interesting and all but that gives me nothing to work with. No wait.. it does. Pink! Pink everything up, go for the windowed look, and make sure there are lots of things blurred slightly by the light. Maybe they’ll miss out on the chess part completely!

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Tagged with: Arthurian legend • boring • castle • chess • damsel • dude • Futura Publications • Sharan Newman • shields • Unknown Artist Institute
Feb 01
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HOLY father of APOLLO! I have it, again! Cat people! Oh alright, we won’t have it just as bad as last time but we should have at least three of them. And some guy with a beard, and an alien city, and purple fonts that burn into your mind.

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Tagged with: alien city • anthropomorphism • Baen Books • beard-wielding • Bob Eggleton • cat people • Christopher Anvil • David Weber • Eric Flint • font problems • lynx people • moon • space ships
Jan 20
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You know what all guns should have? Large magazine, maybe. Insanely large silencer on the end, possibly. A leather clad busty blonde, you’re almost there. Nope? All guns should have a guitar hero controller. When wouldn’t you want to stop fighting and starpower some AC/DC?!

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Tagged with: Baen Books • bracers • cleavage • Clyde Caldwell • damsel • embossing • gun • John Ringo • Julie Cochrane • leather • shiny • shiny oh so shiny • sunglasses • utility belt
Oct 05
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Well, we’ve got the red on there, ’cause of fire being in the title. We’ve got the epic dragon and the merlin esk wizard with his magic orb. But we’re missing something. Something that’s going to make someone pick up the book and think, ‘this is the one.’ Of course!! Surround the title in an awesome gold shiny goodness!

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Tagged with: dragon • Dragon Prince series • fire • font problems • magic • magical orbs • Melanie Rawn • Michael Whelan • Tor Books
Aug 08

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Frank Comments: My reaction was “It’s a trap!” In the interest of repeating the experiment, today I showed this book to another volunteer in our organization and asked her “Male or female?” She got different answers for different sides of the neck line too. I think she found this somewhat distressing.
Published 1971

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Tagged with: Ballantine Books • cleavage • damsel • dude looks like a lady • FM shoes • Gene Szafran • Good Show Sir • Robert Silverberg • WTF
Sep 27
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Elijah’s Art Direction: Seriously, who are we kidding? Just throw some space-tits on there and call it a day.
Published 1984

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Tagged with: catsuit • cleavage • damsel • devil's dumplings • dress for success • Kevin Johnson • Mike Resnick • once you see it • Phantasia Press • planets • ridiculous hat • space • space chess • space sheep • wings
May 30
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Jen Comments: All I can say is, anyone who actually bought this for the cover is going to be VERY disappointed.
Published 2010

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Tagged with: candles • chucky the evil toy doll • damsel • DAW Books • embossing • Esther Diamond Series • Laura Resnick • magic • skulls a-poppin' • snake
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