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Sep 11

Acorna’s Search

40 Comments »

All he wanted was a unicorn... he had to settle for a girl-a-corn...Click for full image

Wesley Comments: Acorna’s Search, or The Daydreams of Cosplay Fail Girl.
Published 2001

Bonus: dust jacket blurb here!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.15 out of 10)
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Aug 30

Hawkmistress!

24 Comments »

Miss... please don't ride your horse through lava!Click for full image

Katie Comments: Memorably bad proportions.
Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.11 out of 10)
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Jul 19

Friday

22 Comments »

That's the thing about Fridays... more interested in cats than explosions!Click for full image

Monkey Comments: A cat, a horse and buggy, a floating cop car, explosions and… gosh that’s a nice outfit, don’t you think?
Published 1983 (Possibly)

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.10 out of 10)
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Jul 12

Skyfall

30 Comments »

We may look cheesy... but at least we don't have a theme song by Adele...Click for full image

Dead Stuff with Big Teeth’s Art Direction: Gentlemen…perhaps what this cover needs is both a man, and a horse! Yes! And another man with a mullet, showing he doesn’t know how to ride a horse. And… a girl wearing nothing but body paint, standing at the top of a staircase! Because, gentlemen: nobody would otherwise pay money for something a woman has written!
(the senior partners, followed by everyone else in the room, erupt in a perfect storm of applause. The junior copyrighter wipes a tear from his eye)
Published 2003

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.37 out of 10)
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Apr 15

Horses’ Asteroid

49 Comments »

Horse!?! New women even night he has...Click for full image

Joachim Comments: Despite the pluralized ‘horse’ in the title, a naked redhead is far more important to include perched on “top” of the asteroid.
Published 1970

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.60 out of 10)
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Mar 22

The Demon Apostle

23 Comments »

Even death won't stop high street charity collectors... Click for full image

Jon H Comments: I like how the angry old muppet is about to just SLAP that woman.
Published 2000

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.42 out of 10)
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Jan 30

Night Mare

18 Comments »

Deerman was surprised at the quality of Trollman's buttocks.Click for full image

Frank Comments: Not only is the novel lit by the flames of Hell, but it seems Hell’s costume supplier is a taxidermist.
Published 1970

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.67 out of 10)
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Jan 18

Beyond Lich Gate

13 Comments »

Lich Gate? Seems more like an archway to me... Click for full image

Jered Comments: It’s seriously like the artist used pictures of existing pop culture icons to model their characters. Matthew Broderick for the hero, Hoggle from Labyrinth for the goblin dude, and possibly Joey Fatone for the dwarf.
Published 1994

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.10 out of 10)
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Jan 08

Destiny’s Star

23 Comments »

And thus... the moon became her personal lollypop... Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: No no no… I said more glow! And more Ting! And more of the horse looking like he’s awkwardly floating over a field!
Published 2011

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.55 out of 10)
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Nov 07

The Ozark Trilogy

24 Comments »

Say the right words and this is what happens on every seaside donkey ride...Click for full image

Joseph Comments: Beautiful woman rides an enchanted jackass. Incidentally, this is how I view most of my female friends and their respective relationship partners.
Published 1982

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.48 out of 10)
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