Good Show Sir

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Eron comments: This cover isn’t really funny. The art isn’t even particularly bad. But a warning to anyone who has ever even had the passing notion to take a graphic design class: do not look at this cover, you will get a rage-migrane for days. The layout is so shockingly poor and amateur that the thought that someone got paid for this, not beaten in a alley, just plain makes me want to drink whiskey and punch random objects!

My eyes…my eyes! Thanks to Eron!

(Average: 4.83 out of 10)

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Hex Comments: The guy on the left is a sort of expert undercover first contact agent, whose job is to alter the course of developing cultures on newly-discovered worlds to suit the needs of Earth. How he manages to do it while being chafed by that jockstrap I will never understand. Sometimes I gaze at the Yeti in a jumper while I try to figure it out.

Incidentally, this book is spattered with grimly bad black and white illustrations that completely contradict the style of the cover. Nice work, Ace!

Excellent! Thanks Hex!

(Average: 7.27 out of 10)

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Jen Comments: I have no words. Someday, I’m going to have to build up the courage to actually read this.

Amazing! Thanks Jen!

(Average: 7.99 out of 10)

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What if we go for something that’s kind of a cross between art and an eighties music video? We’ll have flaming eye balls and some women with retro make-up playing with her magical sticks. Then just pack any text at the top and if we can, make it like an ancient scroll banner. Classy.

(Average: 8.20 out of 10)

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Listen to me carefully, I said give me a big bosomed women standing in front of some governmental type building casting a beefy fireball. With extra lens flare! Then place every sentence and word in a different type font. Oh wait… that’s what you’ve done.

(Average: 7.45 out of 10)

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You know what a book cover can never have enough of? That’s right chum, text. Lets fire as much on there as possible. And possibly some worm creature being attacked by guys with guns. But that’s secondary, no in fact it’s tertiary, to the fonts with their various marvelous colours and shapes.

(Average: 7.00 out of 10)

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Everyone is into wizards these days. Your friends, that strange shopkeeper next door who just stares at you, even your mother! Sorry… but who wouldn’t appreciate a mullet wielding wizard with a sexy open ripped shirt, kneeling next to a dragon in the midst of a spell? Teenagers? Well… mmm… uh… uh oh.

(Average: 6.53 out of 10)

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It was my late teens and I was studying hard at some top notch university. Then came the LSD and it was all, floating semi translucent men surrounded by magical orbs in a forest being watched by unicorns. I suppose that has something to do with the world of cats, right?

(Average: 8.54 out of 10)

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A heavily armoured sword wielding knight on a metal horse attacks some smoking animals. Why are they smoking? For effect my dear boy! And possibly magic. Anyway, make sure those animals are mean! I want red eyes and snarls!

(Average: 7.00 out of 10)

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You know something that won’t date badly? Long hair with fringes and dudes with long gelled back hair. I can see it now, it will be the combination of every eighties sci-fi created by man. With this, we’re sorted well into the late 1990’s!

(Average: 7.90 out of 10)

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