preload
May 12

With a mustache like this and abs like these, who wouldn't show them off?Click for full image

Giles Comments: I love the Taltos novels, but these covers actually stopped me buying the books several times – they’re so cheesy. True, the artist gets some credit for getting the jhereg (the winged reptile) approximately right, but that doesn’t really offset the general awfulness.

Tache-tastic! Thanks to Giles!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.16 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

May 11

GAH, there's hardly enough room in this border for an evil ork to swing his arms!Click for full image

Eron comments: This cover isn’t really funny. The art isn’t even particularly bad. But a warning to anyone who has ever even had the passing notion to take a graphic design class: do not look at this cover, you will get a rage-migrane for days. The layout is so shockingly poor and amateur that the thought that someone got paid for this, not beaten in a alley, just plain makes me want to drink whiskey and punch random objects!

My eyes…my eyes! Thanks to Eron!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.83 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

May 10

Get into that ship or you'll have to sleep with the fat ewok!Click for full image

Hex Comments: The guy on the left is a sort of expert undercover first contact agent, whose job is to alter the course of developing cultures on newly-discovered worlds to suit the needs of Earth. How he manages to do it while being chafed by that jockstrap I will never understand. Sometimes I gaze at the Yeti in a jumper while I try to figure it out.

Incidentally, this book is spattered with grimly bad black and white illustrations that completely contradict the style of the cover. Nice work, Ace!

Excellent! Thanks Hex!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.27 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

May 07

Leather-clad, slightly camp biker warrior to C6 please.Click for full image

Richard’s Art Direction: Ok, I want the devil playing chess on a life-size board with warriors from different periods of history. Don’t forget to throw in a few other random characters, at least one man must clad in leather and a scarf and find a spot for a woman in a bathing suit with a parasol. Then make it from the perspective of an opposing chess piece. Yeah, those should all come together nicely.

Excellent! Thanks to Richard!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.10 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

May 05

Whaaaa! What the hell is that thing!?! Couldn't we just cuddle?Click for full image

Jeff’s Art Direction: First off, what do you think of when I say “Dreams of Steel?” Did you immediately think of a partially leather-clad dagger wielding S&M addict conjuring a pig-dog-reptile thing from out of a rainbow? You did!? Oh, and I guess we better stick something on the cover relating to the story… like a Black Company shield on the pillar. Perfect!

Amazing! Thanks Jeff!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Apr 30

Well it’s reached that time again were here in the UK we are blessed with bank holidays! So for those like myself who will be relaxing with an extra long weekend, here are some honourable mentions.

These covers break our explicit and hard kept rules, which are enforced with an iron fist. These are part of a franchise (this time of adventure choice novels), but nonetheless each of them sports an excellent cover so I hope you enjoy them.

Also just to say thanks to everyone who has been sending me in covers! We’ll slowly get through them all so keep an eye out and I promise they will appear at some stage.

Have a great weekend for those benefiting from it!

To face the evil rabbit turn to page 8
To run away turn to page 57

Before I kill you could you lift me onto my horse? This armour is pretty heavy.Click for full image

No seriously, green, completely makes you look more menacing.. hahahahahaHA!Click for full image

My robo crotch is exploding!Click for full image

They are the most evil triangle cuff-links I have ever seen.Click for full image

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.39 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Apr 23

Look this is ridiculous! I'm not fencing till you take off that stupid hat!Click for full image

Eron Comments: While my girlfriend was like “Hey! I own that book!” it’s pretty hard to argue with a half-naked man fencing an immensely bored looking black unicorn. Also, while I am assured by said girlfriend that it has something to do with the story, the man’s blue hat is epic.

Leo Comments: If I were to sword fight with a unicorn, I would probably have my shirt off too.

Many thanks to Eron and Leo who both sent this in!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.38 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Apr 22

Look at my magical naked women! Her hand turns into my cape!Click for full image

Harry Comments: According to the author, this cover was commissioned for another book but somehow ended up on hers. It’s very loosely appropriate: there is a sword, and there is a hero, but he is quite explicitly gay.

Superb! Thanks Harry!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.83 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Apr 16

Darn... you really do know how to make an AWESOME sandwich!Click for full image

Remember when you used to dress up in black clothes, paint red eyes on your hoodie, stand with a knife and pretend to sacrifice your little brother to an evil spirit just to gain some physical power that will, in the end, only destroy you? No? Well you haven’t lived man! Now, let’s put that on there.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with:

Apr 15

These collections of books were submitted by Eron Rauch. Thanks to Eron for making my day full of Icelandic volcano ash that little bit easier! Check out Eron’s site www.eronrauch.com which shows off some of his great photography, some of it also brilliantly nerdy!

That's no moon...Click for full image

Eron Comments: The first of three in this series. I mean, how else do I explain it more than the title “Camelot in Orbit”, except I don’t really understand logic of the title, since they seem to be on another planet. I guess technically that planets are in orbit, but that’s rather redundant. Also, King Arthur seems to be riding a beaked dinosaur that is so pathetic that He-Man would be caught near it. I mentioned that before right? A fecking armored dinosaur.

Who would have thought, Merlin.. a carebear!Click for full image

Eron Comments: The second in the series, I think, I mean it’s hard for me to care really, but this cover is passably bad until you notice the creepy-as-sin inbred ewok/mogwai knock-off sitting just to the bottom left of the girl. Staring. Into your soul with hollow black eyes. Seriously the stuff of nightmares.

HEY! How come the ash from that burning doesn't ground that space ship... grrrrrr!Click for full image

Eron Comments: The third in this utterly original series. Which features “Magick” with the added “k” which must mean serious fantasy is about to be had! In addition, we get a phenomenal rendering of the back of some random knight and a severely constipated dragon trying desperately to crap himself in terror at the War of the Worlds spaceship blowing the hell our of it’s castle with a laser that comes from nowhere.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.92 out of 10)
Loading...

Tagged with: