Good Show Sir

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Remember when you used to dress up in black clothes, paint red eyes on your hoodie, stand with a knife and pretend to sacrifice your little brother to an evil spirit just to gain some physical power that will, in the end, only destroy you? No? Well you haven’t lived man! Now, let’s put that on there.

(Average: 8.58 out of 10)

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These collections of books were submitted by Eron Rauch. Thanks to Eron for making my day full of Icelandic volcano ash that little bit easier! Check out Eron’s site www.eronrauch.com which shows off some of his great photography, some of it also brilliantly nerdy!

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Eron Comments: The first of three in this series. I mean, how else do I explain it more than the title “Camelot in Orbit”, except I don’t really understand logic of the title, since they seem to be on another planet. I guess technically that planets are in orbit, but that’s rather redundant. Also, King Arthur seems to be riding a beaked dinosaur that is so pathetic that He-Man would be caught near it. I mentioned that before right? A fecking armored dinosaur.

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Eron Comments: The second in the series, I think, I mean it’s hard for me to care really, but this cover is passably bad until you notice the creepy-as-sin inbred ewok/mogwai knock-off sitting just to the bottom left of the girl. Staring. Into your soul with hollow black eyes. Seriously the stuff of nightmares.

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Eron Comments: The third in this utterly original series. Which features “Magick” with the added “k” which must mean serious fantasy is about to be had! In addition, we get a phenomenal rendering of the back of some random knight and a severely constipated dragon trying desperately to crap himself in terror at the War of the Worlds spaceship blowing the hell our of it’s castle with a laser that comes from nowhere.

(Average: 7.84 out of 10)

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Jen’s Art Direction: A book about telepaths, you say? You’re blowing my mind. In fact, that’s just what we need on the cover! A man with his head exploding! And if that doesn’t just scream sci-fi, we’ll put him in coveralls and put after-images of him all over the place. Oh, and emboss it. All of it. I want everything to stand out.

Thanks so much to Jen!

(Average: 7.65 out of 10)

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Nix comments: This has an annoyingly shiny cover, so it may be hard to read its contents. It’s an anthology of four famous SF works: _2001_, _The Demolished Man_, _The Day of the Triffids_, and _I, Robot_. As you know, all of these contained city-sized giant mecha and huge explosions (although only two had the giant mecha dive-bombed by rocketships), so the cover is quite appropriate, and obviously is a fine piece of artwork: tasteful, yet subtle. I’m only sending it in because it’s so annoyingly shiny.

Many thanks to Nix!

(Average: 4.93 out of 10)

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So I think we’ll just have some naked redhead riding her giant insect in the midst of pleasure. That’s the type of thing every teenage boy imagines, right?

Many thanks to NoiselessPenguin!

(Average: 7.65 out of 10)

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Well I am thinking, man in miniskirt stands in the background with a very large sword. Then we’ll have a man standing in the foreground thrusting his sword from his pelvis as he furiously… well. Lets just say he looks furious, the destroyed viewers’ minds will do the rest.

(Average: 8.57 out of 10)

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Jen comments: I was going to talk about his lack of spacesuit, or his overabundance of cleavage, or the protruding rock in space. Then I noticed that one of the strange ghost-images was smoking a cigar, and all words failed me.

Thanks to Jen! Good Find!

(Average: 7.96 out of 10)

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Eron Comments: This cover is particularly appalling because of it’s simplicity. We get the text: Unicorns. Peace. Then the image: Unicorn. Twilight. BIG ORANGE Unicorn. Castle. Sure. Also, it seems to me that something is wrong on the perspective on the unicorn… it’s sort of falling on it’s side if I’m seeing it correctly?

Many thanks to Eron!

(Average: 6.48 out of 10)

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I love the realism, so we’ll definitely have to get that on there. In fact I think we should tone it down a little. We’ll keep it simple so it’s not too bad (and almost like it’s creeping up on its prey) then WHAM! We’ll hit them with a gold black red title banner!

(Average: 6.65 out of 10)

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Nothing – and I mean nothing – attracts readers more than naked children. What.. why are you looking at me like that? Why are you leaving? Guys? Guys?

Thanks to Dave R – The ever-living!

(Average: 8.52 out of 10)

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