Oct 07
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I want you to listen to me, very carefully! Wolf howls up to the sky while a dragon flies in the background with a knight on its back. Again in the foreground a bowl cut man stands, his hand grasped firmly and suggestively around his sword. If you want to see your family again you will draw what I tell you.

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Tagged with: bird • bladed weapons • damsel • dragon • knights • puffy shirt • Robin Hobb • Stephen Youll • sword • The Farseer series • waistcoat • wolf
Oct 06
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As we all know around this table. There comes a time in every mans life when he just has to, pick up a flute and shake his ass at a redheaded troll figure. So if we have that on there with the troll pointing and shouting angrily at the dudes bottom. Is he jealous? Is he pointing out the guys ass shaking might destroy the fabric of reality? We’ll let the viewer decide.
Published 2005

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Tagged with: Bedlam's Bard series • fantastical rock star • flute • Jeff Easley • Mercedes Lackey • music • puffy shirt • Rosemary Edgehill • shiny oh so shiny • tights • waistcoat
Oct 05
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Well, we’ve got the red on there, ’cause of fire being in the title. We’ve got the epic dragon and the merlin esk wizard with his magic orb. But we’re missing something. Something that’s going to make someone pick up the book and think, ‘this is the one.’ Of course!! Surround the title in an awesome gold shiny goodness!

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Tagged with: dragon • Dragon Prince series • fire • font problems • magic • magical orbs • Melanie Rawn • Michael Whelan • Tor Books
Oct 02
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I need sci-fi mixed in with something suggestive! Yeah baby!! I am talking about tight space suits that make you wonder how they ever got into them. Huge racks and huge packs, if you know what I mean! Guns shaped suggestively like a… you know… *giggles* Whatever you do don’t mess it up with something like giving the women a perm. Are you listening to me?

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Tagged with: Baen Books • bubble helmet • cleavage • computers • damsel • dude • frickin laser beams • Haircut 100 • ill-fitting spacesuit • Jerry Pournelle • Larry Elmore • moon • once you see it • planets • shuriken of approval • space • suggestive • super soakers
Oct 01
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Draw a few dinosaurs and some people jet-packing around the planet. That way we have both words of the title covered. Though, concentrate on the title, huge black box, every word highlighted with something awesome. You don’t know what that means? For God’s sake man, like, put the word ‘Anne’ in an orange diamond shape. That’s the type of awesome I’m talking about!

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Tagged with: Anne McCaffrey • dinosaur • font problems • Mystery of Ireta series • rocket-pack • Unknown Artist Institute • unknown publisher
Sep 30
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I’m thinking book covers are normally so unrealistic. They have things that are so unbelievable it would make your mother cry. Not us! I propose, a photographic quality drawing of a military man placing his shined boot on the head of his latest kill: a giant ant insect alien creature. It will be just like they are back in the great war…. with aliens…

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Tagged with: author in the comments • bladed weapons • Chronicles of Isambard Smith series • giant ants • giant insects • gun • mighty moustache • Myrmidon Books • possible pastiche • sword • Toby Frost
Sep 29
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So I climbed over the mountain peak and made my way through the snow storm. I was close to death and feared I may never see another living soul again. Then I stumbled on the temple, and the great master. There he leaned forward from his mediation. Placing a single flower petal in my hand he whispered, ‘shoulder pads’. It changed my life.

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Tagged with: Baen Books • damsel • dude • gun • Jon & Lobo series • Mark L. Van Name • once you see it • paging John Galliano • shoulder pads • space ships • Stephen Hickman
Sep 28
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In my life time, I’ve seen dragons vs lasers, dragons vs swords, even dragons vs man-tigers. Where haven’t we gone you ask? Well my dear friend, let me but whisper these words into your ear and pray they don’t start to bleed with pleasure. Dragons vs Concordes! That’s right, with shoulder pads and eighties hair cuts!

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Tagged with: Baen Books • damsel • dragon • dude • goblet • Haircut 100 • Jon & Lobo series • Mark L. Van Name • shoulder pads • Stephen Hickman • throne
Sep 25
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Excuse me, Sir, there is a phone call for you.
Art Director: Is it ready?
Mysterious caller: It’s more glorious than you could ever imagine.
Art Director: You remembered the…
Mysterious caller: Vampire, Minotaur, Robot, Damsel, Roman man in toga with sword, Angel and death star?
Art Director: Don’t forget Saberhagen.. he must be in there to! Mu hahahahahahaaha!
Mysterious caller: MU hahahahahahahaahhahaaha
Art Director: No… only I may laugh! Mu hahahaahahahah!
Mysterious caller: ………………………

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Tagged with: anthropomorphism • author on the cover • Baen Books • BEHIND YOU! • Berserkers series • bladed weapons • Boris Brazil series • damsel • Dracula series • explosion • Fred Saberhagen • Good Show Sir • knights • Lost Sword series • minotaur • omnibus • robots • sword • the pencil is mightier than the sword • toga • vampire • wings
Sep 24
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A kids’ book? Well you know what kids love: FONTS, terrible fonts – gold outline! Give me: people animals… that’s right, I want a man weasel, man mouse, man rabbit and man mole all on there. Uh, best not make it too cutesy though, give the weasel a bow and arrow.

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Tagged with: anthropomorphism • archery weapons • bladed weapons • Brian Jacques • Chris "Fangorn" Baker • font problems • longbow • mouse people • rabbit people • Red Fox Books • Redwall series • rodents • shiny • ships • stoat people • strange creature • sword
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